Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Walking in the clouds

We need all the help we can get.

Nothing like a day spent in and around airports to remind you of the absurdity of life and the pain of modern travel. Observations abound as these travellers run like plague victims, delusional over their need to travel and pained by the stress of getting nowhere:

Chavs and their out of control off-spring, shouting instead of talking and making little actual sense.
Successful looking people chattering loudly on their phones, tapping their laptop keys and supping poor quality cups of coffee.
Air line staff clattering like iron flamingos, looking for a place to perch and park their 4x4 travel bags.
Bargains that are not bargains cry out to be bought by the drunken traveller who is too bored to resist the lie.
Old and tiny Irish nuns, baffled by their position, frozen in their tracks and anxious for help.
Dan Brown books in ugly piles.
Food that is unattractive, over priced and served and swerved at you by Polish assistants.
Security staff, glazed over by their trained up state of alert and lack of common sense and manners.
Unexplained delays and pointless apologies.
Idiots with huge bags squeezed into small spaces.
A seat next to fat man reading a broadsheet.
The scramble to retrieve bags from overhead lockers.
A plane that tries to land, aborts the landing and then provides an unscripted flight over Fife, into the sun, into the clouds and finally onto the runway.
Japanese tourists in a huddle, burdened by their need to take in details and unfamiliar with enjoying themselves.
Speed bumps and traffic management systems that slow everything down.
Building works that last forever.
Evidence of bad design, screwy thinking and uncomfortable interiors - everywhere.

The good part - getting home eventually.


  1. You should try travelling on the No.22, matey.

  2. You're right of course, I don't know I'm born. It was the 22 that Hitler mentioned wasn't it?