"Where the earth and sun meet, in the perfumed gardens of the busy mind there is forever the mystic promise of a sparkling, peaceful, neutral water feature to soothe away the cares and pressures of all of this world and possibly the next..."
Top tips for a long and pointless life.
I keep myself looking young and cheerful by regularly stretching my back and shoulder muscles whilst sitting upright in a wooden chair.
I eat a strict diet of blueberries, cream, corned beef and bananas.
I regularly listen to Radio Scotland but with the volume turned down.
I sleep with my head under the pillow and use a soothing alarm tone to wake up each day at 6.20 AM.
I regularly master complex mind puzzles such as Microsoft Movie Maker, cardboard box collapsing, frittering and the sorting out of odd socks.
I leave doors open (slightly).
I rotate shoes.
For relaxing travel, drive with the passenger window half down, the A/C off, stay in the outside lane and suck a strong mint.