And so it was I learned (and it was no real surprise) that I knew next to nothing about Star Wars weaponry. A poor five out of ten in the Guardian on-line quiz confirmed what I already had realised and accepted deep inside a long time ago; I'm not really much of a geek, more of a movie buffoon. I don't know my Vibro-Ax from my DC-15 Blaster. The quiz presented me with these puzzling names and terms and I just couldn't get it. I thought I was a kind of absent, interested but vague fan, but still a fan. It turns out I'm a true Star Wars dummy. What next then? I'm certainly a food and wine ignoramus, in the heat of such a battle the scores in any test or taste or tempting tongue torture would be...low. Then there's Scottish Football or The Marx Brothers or the greats of jazz, bald blues legends or the forgotten heroes of seventies progressive rock. No chance. I could ramp it up to Air-fix kit base plastic colours ('65 to '69) or long lost chocolate bars, maybe the life and times of Spiderman (up until Steve Ditko left Marvel) or vehicles owned by Keith Richards or the history of the Ford Cougar. I'm sure I'd start pretty well and then, as is the custom, crash and burn violently. Where does all that information go and why can't it settle and just allow itself to be retrieved? Does it all just turn into steam like an old stallion's warm piss on a frosty day? My world knowledge amounts to a bland mix of hard non-scientific facts, trivia, jaundiced and middle aged opinion and “concreted in” prejudices. However I'll console myself with one heart warming thought; I did get about 10 questions right during University Challenge last night.
Meanwhile it turns out that the best country to grow old in is Sweden, then quite predictably Norway, Germany, the Netherlands and of course Canada. The UK comes thirteenth...best not to ask about Afganistan and Tanzania.