Sunday, May 19, 2019


Madonna wears a Saltire eye-patch to show solidarity with oppressed countries etc. etc.

Whilst I managed to avoid most of the Eurovision Song Contest I did catch Madonna's performance and the chaotic final scoring system. Both parts of the show I saw were high on camp, a lack of self awareness and numerous examples of poor judgment. Too much of everything. I felt conflicted over the whole over produced event, a boycott seemed like the right thing, just wreck the contest and show Israel what "we" actually think of their treatment of Palestinians but there's an awkward argument surrounding culture and politics that I kind of defer to.

Anyway I only watched 40 minutes or so of the pop-gloop so I don't feel too guilty this morning. I actually felt sorry for Madonna, she looked frail and "preserved" and her singing was off. Kindly critics blamed the fold back and techy vocoder stuff that was going on. No, she's just lost a bit of energy and ability and that happens, money and rehearsals can't fix everything. She's even a bit wobbly on those once famous dancing feet. She was also channeling that "dumb American in the Middle East" thing (see also dumb British person in the Middle East). She had a message, odd to hear Madonna say "wake up" to the world then pin small Israeli and Palestinian flags to her dancer's backs. The equivalent of throwing a milkshake I guess. I wonder if they'll retain some of her fee over this?

It all just jars a bit and of course the fawning and clumsy Israeli hosts struggled to deal with such a mega presence. Ugh! After the stilted and fabricated scoring system rose  expectations to a crescendo of cliche and tinsel a bloke called Duncan won, he was representing the Netherlands. His song has been a big hit all across Europe ... well over my head.

Meanwhile in Palestine, as the showbiz tack is dismembered in Tel-Aviv and Madonna continues to promote her new album,  fuck all has changed and Israel will remain the dominant aggressor and oppressor for the Palestinian people.

Saturday, May 18, 2019

I've no idea...

...where this strange little cartoon came from, I suppose the message is that all that is gold and sticky and glittery isn't necessarily honey. It just might be a little more dangerous so read the label or check the contents first. Tigger seems to understand.


Some extra animal responsibility for me this weekend, it's been fun so far. Here he is, waiting patiently for the rain to stop so that we might go out on some sort of walking adventure. Alas the rain persists and so we're stuck, talking to each other (?) and quietly watching the skies. The chances of rain (at the moment 100%) are due to reduce to 74%, then 65% then about 55%. These are not good numbers to have to break to a doggy friend when he's eager to go barn storming across the countryside. The thing is he'd go out whatever the weather, it's me and my good sense and self preservation that is the blocker on this. That and the fact that I'm not keen on clearing up the soggy, muddy debris that he'll bring home in his wake once the walk is over. So we wait, in the warm and dry.

Friday, May 17, 2019

State of things

One picture that pretty much sums up the present government's abject failure in everything. Some kind of funeral for "getting things done". Going nowhere, headless, feeble, divisive and ineffective and some might say that's their positive points. So it's not going to get better quickly, this is structural decay in full force, the collapse of good sense and reason and the rise of hectoring, bullying and empty jingoism all in place of an acceptance of the facts. Meanwhile in Scotland we're ... confused and frustrated. What to do?

Thursday, May 16, 2019


History, it's not so tough: Old photos of 1920s Rosyth, a place I'm slightly embarrassed to have lived in whilst I'm strangely proud of having worked (?) or at least spent five years of my life, in the old Naval Dockyard there, 1977 - 82. Now it's all speed bumps, kebab shops, unpleasant house rendering  and badly parked cars. Babcock own much of the dockyard and well, the rest is proper history. When you  look back you realize that nothing much matters.

Tuesday, May 14, 2019

Idiots guide to...

Road bridges back to Fife: there are two, one for normal vehicles and one for public transport. Left for vehicles, right for public transport.

Being a grandad: the swimming bag is situated on the right somewhere, the dog's lead is situated on the left.

Simple instructions and explanations for simple minds.

Sunday, May 12, 2019

Weekend Kitten

This Kylo, he may be upside down, he may be the right way up. He's a kitten in a kitchen in Dundee. He's the kitten of the week and also kitten of the weekend. This irregular award has been awarded but sadly comes with no tangible award other than a word or two here.

Friday, May 10, 2019

Future poltergeist

Once I shuffle off from this mortal coil I'll need a new profession, my current staples won't do and the pension does not reach beyond the grave. Life's tough, death is tougher. I'm intending to apply for the job of poorly paid but mischievously funny and well dressed poltergeist in either a pretentious uptown restaurant, a trendy cafe or some beard waxing type of barber's salon. There will be pots clattering, chairs moving, sinks blocking, tiny tinkles in the bathrooms and the occasional glass smashing. Nothing nasty, just slightly disturbing and peculiar ... messages smeared out on steamy mirrors etc. My imagined training and experiences at Hogwarts and time in the civil service should do me nicely. 


Despite their obvious democratic right (?) to post out fliers I feel slightly insulted to receive a personal  invitation from the Brexit Party to support them in the Euro elections. Why me? Why not the other significant other that lives here? What kind of demographic am I seen as belonging to? These people are a) fascists b) knobheads c) deplorable. I don't want anything to do with this kind of thing. I shall of course be returning their precious scrap of paper, a proper tissue of lies, to them via the nearest Royal Mail postbox, ASAP. I feel sullied and contaminated having their junk in the house.

Tuesday, May 07, 2019

Hello John

 A new (to me) motor has joined the fleet. It's an anonymous VW saloon, of a type once described by Jeremy Clarkson as "boring". He may have had a point but I don't care.

It's certainly not an Abarth. 

Monday, May 06, 2019

House of cups

Strangely pleased to see/hear that a modern coffee cup made it through all the continuity checks and sneaked into a scene on Game of Thrones episode 4 (Series 8). Possibly a clever piece of product placement as all good conspiracy theorists might say, like the Audi cars in Avengers End Game. Shame it had to be a Starbucks cup and not one from our local Stephens who actually do better coffee. In truth most bought coffee is better than Starbucks but then my judgement is clouded and warped when it comes to the large coffee chains. Kind of breaks the illusion though, I thought Game of Thrones was real and that Starbucks had to be imaginary.

Sunday, May 05, 2019

Egg type issues

Today's easy to answer breakfast time question centred around eggs. "Would you/could you eat a duck egg if a duck (not necessarily the duck that laid the egg) happened to be in the same room?" It turns out that some people would indeed do this, I'm not so sure myself. What if it was a male duck with nothing to do with the actual unfertilized egg? 

Would I eat a Big Mac surrounded by a herd of beef cattle? Would I eat a BLT adjacent to a piggery or indeed in a pig sty or just sitting on the wall? Would I drink a milk shake in a milking shed? Would I eat fish and chips whilst paddling in a Victorian style sea water swimming pool (outside in the open air but possibly containing fish or even crabs). I don't even want to think about lamb bhuna. 

People and animals eat other animals all the time and have done so for millions of years. The problem is a complex one and centres on association and connection. Remaining disconnected from the reality of actual "things" (living and breathing animals) and the consequences of actions is a nice comfortable place to be, so we choose to avoid these confrontations with the real world and reset ourselves on a regular basis. It's an easy way out. Just poke a paperclip in your ear to perform it. All that and I just don't fancy duck eggs and in truth I'm wobbly on the whole meat thing now, particularly lamb.

Thankfully we don't eat our trees, we just chop them up and burn them.

Friday, May 03, 2019


Diary of a desktop: Some stats about gay "tolerance" in Europe, three made up Porsche bar-codes, a photo of a pizza that says "you cunt" in chopped peppers, two pictures of Rosyth in the early 20th century, the Cold War Steve Big Issue cover, a photo of the the cover of the book "How to keep your Volkswagen alive", Google Chrome icon, Now TV icon, Spotify icon. There are other things but they didn't appear because they're different kinds of files from the rest, or something like that. 

This has been a brief expose as to the intimate details of my current desktop. These are all liable to change at any time without notice. Thank you. I hope you find this post informative and entertaining.

Meta type view and summary. 

Thursday, May 02, 2019

Unreported world

Not today but just the other day, the sun struggled to poke through clouds in the mid-morning something or other. It all happened in a place not too far away. Some dog walkers may also have witnessed the incident. The trees affected seemed OK as it turned out. Why was this not considered a news worthy item by any of the major agencies? 

Official Secrets

Gavin Williamson, a former Defence Minister they say, some Troops and a horse.
I signed the Official Secrets Act, way back in 1976. A time when we had proper secrets, as all old folks say. Of course the politicians then, like now, were dimwitted buffoons. Stuffed full of educated privilege, grey saliva and blinded by career prospects in some grand "office". The constant pressure not to put a foot wrong or say the wrong thing, tow the line and keep good counsel. Today nobody seems to know what the right thing might be, all woefully unsure of it or what form it might take, even it were to land in one's porridge. You can tell that this is a directionless and whispered rant. I'm not bitter and twisted, I'm just fed up with the collapse of the MoD I once knew and worked for and the political climate, the ignorant mismanagement of it all and people like Gavin Williamson (who may well have done nothing wrong apart from being ... ). No point in me saying much more, I might inadvertently reveal some official secret and be forced to resign or even dismissed from my post as Watcher of the Skies. Hold onto what you've got or stupid people might just steal it away.

Wednesday, May 01, 2019


Sorry for the picture quality. This three act drama took place in Brighton. I suspect however that it's a fairly regular event up north in the car park at Morrisons in St Andrews. As you chug your coffee and munch on a bun you can hear them pattering across the roof or your car, just there, watching, waiting for the moment to strike. Don't dare open a window.

Tuesday, April 30, 2019

Climbing up on Falkland Hill

Lunch today up on Falkland Hill or maybe East Lomond, who cares? Nice sunny spots with views across Fife as you might expect. Strangely enough the mobile phone/4G signal up there is great. No idea why this should be the case, technology is (almost) wonderful. 

Sunday, April 28, 2019


Steps down to a watery place or up to a more agreeable and preferably drier one.

Breakwater: Note no broken water to be seen.
"I write to you from a strange time loop that finds me trapped in North Queensferry. I write to you from a strange time loop that finds me trapped in North Queensferry. I write to you from a strange time loop that finds me trapped in North Queensferry. I write to you from a strange time loop that finds me trapped in North Queensferry. I write to you from a strange time loop that finds me trapped in North Queensferry. I write to you from a strange time loop that finds me trapped in North Queensferry. ... BZZT! Send help." (Said nobody ever).

Saturday, April 27, 2019

Hierarchy of incompetence

Still life with oil tanker.
For people who don't really know what they're doing I'd advise taking an occasional breath of fresh air whilst getting out and about, out and about, outside. If there's too many outs and abouts then it's about time you got out and sorted out your outs and abouts. For example today (whilst out) I pondered the problems and general pitfalls encountered in ordering and organizing fridge and chilled food storage. This was on both a daily and a rotational basis. It was that kind of day. The air was heavy with thunder and Ninja showers. Still I pressed on. I slowly came to the conclusion that despite being good at other things, fridge management was not one of them. So in my hierarchy of incompetence this figures highly as a failure of sorts. Once I'd mulled this over for a few moments I decided to take some photos of large and quite unrelated objects and forget the fridge problems for the time being.
Still life with bridge.

Friday, April 26, 2019

That awkward 3681st post

Another lost/misplaced/forgotten football.
Whilst going through yet another period of critical self examination I am, as ever partially inspired and guided by other people's song lyrics, quotes from films and the odd literary line (as well as inner voices, demons and so on). Today it's hard to find an applicable line. I rather like the idea of waking up in the morning and not recognising myself in the mirror, scary I suppose, unlikely and it's never happened, yet. There is that odd moment however when you might catch sight of yourself and see some aspect or angle of yourself that looks unfamiliar, like someone else but not quite. Maybe as a turnip head, a wolf or Clark Gable. I'm sure there's a word for it. Once in a while it happens with a photo. Maybe selfie chasers are hungry for this experience but cant quite articulate how it drives them. The quest to see yourself, the need to know yourself. What might that mean or even look like in a modern world? No matter how old or grizzled you get or how beautiful you might be it's never quite there, you cant get there. Travelling but not arriving. Maybe life is best explored in the way that a cat would navigate it's way around a garden, treading carefully but pissing on other people's plants and shrubs as you go, after a few moments of consideration of course.