Tuesday, April 23, 2024

Even My Small Guitar Looks Big On Me

This fake guitar has nine and a half fake machine heads but I didn't bother to count them. Too many knobs and so on. How come AI doesn't know what a guitar looks like? There's quite few out there on the internet. I'm in the huff with AI. It's just not intelligent enough. That's because it was built by humans and not our alien overlords. Fallible, weak, complicated humans. Alternatively I should perhaps stop using what we in Scotland call "Cooncil AI". As George Harrison might have almost sung "Even my small  guitar looks big on me, as it gently weeps, there in the naughty corner, doing nothing in particular."

Monday, April 22, 2024

Nothing is Really Real

More of those ceaseless philosophical points to consider. The unbridled power of the influencers grows on unchecked (and if you're fortunate - unnoticed).

Things to do, some of which might be already done: Empty the dishwasher. Empty the tumble drier. Sort out the cold chicken. Mind your head. Switch off the lights. Put out the solitary milk bottle. Look for things that may be lost. Recycle. Paint garden furniture and then assemble it. Await a dry day. Visit Bo'ness for various reasons. Check the guitar strings stockpile. Tidy up. Tidy down. Tidy sideways. Double check things. Worry about earth's three body problem. Procrastinate. Stop making pointless lists.

Sunday, April 21, 2024

Sleeping with Plato

Zippy the cat occasionally sleeps with Plato the finger puppet philosopher. Other philosophers are available but Plato seems to be quite popular at the moment. That is all you really need to know.

If you, a friend or a member of your family have been affected by this post ...

Saturday, April 20, 2024

Magical Shoes

Once upon a time there was a boy who bought a pair of Dunlop welly-shoes from Amazon*. At first they seemed like ordinary waterproof shoes and nothing more. However after a short while he realised that when wearing these shoes he could sense what might be in the ground right below his feet. Through the shoes he could detect tree roots, large stones or bricks, running water in pipes or streams and occasionally buried metal objects, even treasure maybe. Yes there was always buried or hidden treasure to be found. It made going out and about very interesting.

If he stepped on something that triggered the feeling of treasure he would stop and if it was possible try to dig up the object with a trowel or small spade from his backpack. Never make a scene or fuss, act casual. Now, having dug up loads of lost gold, silver and other treasures he's a millionaire but he can never tell anyone as he'll likely get done for tax evasion or some such other crime. He still wears the shoes but not so often these days, they do look a bit naff don't they?

How do these shoes work anyway? Ordinary shoes don't find buried items and telepathically inform the wearer. Well I just don't know their secret, that's all I can say but if you ever get a fully working pair from Amazon then good for you.

*Terms and conditions may apply.

Friday, April 19, 2024

M&S Box of Delights

George seeks solace and tranquility from within a repurposed cardboard box. Here, for him, the outside world no longer exists; no pesky cat siblings, annoying humans, leaves puffed along by the wind, erratic bees, noisy pedestrians in the street or the rude spitting of the rain can get to him. In the background some random YouTube cat channel whistles and burps serenely and all is peaceful, almost, in his precious cardboard sanctuary.

Thursday, April 18, 2024

In the Blink of an Eye

Anyone know the name of the famous Scottish punk rocker with an out grown but distinct Mohican hair style? Can only be Hawkeye the Noo.

West Lothian Daily Photo

A short circular tour of the wild west via it's pristine garden centres, bistros (did you know that the word bistro is Italian slang for "be strong"?) and temporary traffic light collections. We came close to the purchase of four (yes 4) snails for a fiver. These are not any ordinary snails, they act as mini hoovers and clean up your garden's water features. A sign written in black Sharpie confirmed this. Currently mulling over the ethical questions I have about setting snails significant hygiene tasks in the garden. 

I liked my coffee machine coffee and the free cake from the people at Dobbies too. Our paperwork was correct. I sat there in a big basketwork chair and laughed at the world (well not exactly).  I could rant about roads, weather and things in general but to be honest it was all fun all the way and a lovely day out. Just my better half and me. Strange to think that such a wonderful place exists and is a few mere spectral minutes from our front door. A bit like Narnia must be, were it only real.

Tuesday, April 16, 2024

Everything is Uncomfortable


The feeling that your earthly footprints are too large and unable to be deleted (or even cleaned) isn't nice but it's awkwardly familiar to us. We are the problem. Birmingham artist Foka Wolf knows how to disturb a person's peace and makes a good point. That's art for you. Put it up and make people think for a bit before they move on to think of something else. The thing is, are the kids really innocent and at what point does anyone ever grow up? It seems that Keith Richards never really managed it. Gigging as a life style model now.

Monday, April 15, 2024

Morning After

I experienced exceptionally long shadow legs this morning, something to do with the time of year and us hurtling around the sun at the speed of a 43 bus. Yesterday turned out to be a good day. The gig at Leith Docker's Club went well, great wee audience all up for a singalong and a spontaneous jig or two. It was good fun and the band were buzzing, thankfully mostly for non electrical incident reasons. Big thanks to MW for the piece of work below.

Meanwhile Peggy and her puppies are doing really well...

Saturday, April 13, 2024

Feathery Stroking

Dusted and cleaned the old PA and monitor gear properly today. This is in addition to the other PA so these will provide the stage monitor set up. Shake down sound check kind of gig happening on Sunday. A hoover, scissors and some feathery stroking was required. More fluff attached than there's fluff on a fluffy cat. Then the endless testing of endless leads and cables. I did this a few weeks ago but decided to double check again today. I'm mildly obsessive. Everything (amps, boards, leads etc. not pictured because they are all tidily stored in some cases and boxes) seems to be working. 

Leith Dockers Club tomorrow:

Thursday, April 11, 2024


This really isn't about anything: Following on from yesterday's on-line shopping moan I've now experienced another purveyor of expensive distractions but for (mostly) younger people.  Many things are there, some iconic: cute, cuddly and plush based around stuffed toys and accessories and it's all the rage apparently. Everything is "adorable". Not very cheap either. Shop until your card maxes out or your Apple Pay money tree withers here. Turns out that shopping is the new shopping.

Wednesday, April 10, 2024

Vintage Clothing Mafia

More first world problems: You get days where you're just bombarded with a new set of on-line advertisements that seem to come from nowhere but are somehow familiar. Traders and sellers that you've never heard of home in on your precious little corner of the internet and pound you with their often interesting but generally overpriced* wares. Today's offerings are mostly shirts, jackets, French hats (?) and loafers and on and on. 

*Unless based in China.

Are they exotic, cool and expensive? Are you just a little intrigued and tempted? Up to a point I suppose I am but I'm more quizzically impressed and annoyed at whatever  random click or hover that I might have made, quite innocently, that has led me to this intrusive and destabilizing barrage and how that algorithm just keeps on pumping out the sweet and themed consumer juices well beyond it's tolerable shelf life. And no, sorry but I do not wish to have sex with your website ... ever.

Tuesday, April 09, 2024

Harvest of the Souls

Harvest of the Souls: Only after receiving this piece some time after it fell from the back of a virtual lorry did I realise that it was all a reference to the almost forgotten cult of the "Great Pumpkin". Persecution (of a kind) was rife. Of course this is still a strange and holy festival time of year for the few followers who remain. Some of whom you just may know ... 

You think you're smart but you'll still pay £4.50 for a shitty coffee and £8.00 for lager in a plastic cup at the cricket or horse racing.

Curb Your Enthusiasm is probably the greatest work of comedy writing in my/yours lifetime.

American spelling is OK and doesn't really threaten the "English" civilized world.

Most stand up comedy isn't really all that funny taken out of the live context.

There are too many podcasts. Stop it. 

You don't need a reason to quietly rant other than the preservation of your own health.

Monday, April 08, 2024

Use This?

If we ever go for a vinyl greatest hits collection (this being highly unlikely for obvious reasons) this cover mock up has some potential. Original image found courtesy of CS's Instagram.

Cats having their tea. Hungry but still easily distracted after a healthy dose of fresh air from the Firth of Forth region of central Scottishland.

Usual suspects: Some old gits that make up "Capital Models". An Edinburgh band. Headphones often worn but not mandatory. Playing some tunes at Leith Dockers Club, Sunday April 14th from 1pm.

East End Park, Section North West. Home game against Plastic Whistle last Saturday. 1 - 1 draw.

Thursday, April 04, 2024

Eat Beautiful

Better late than never I discover fast food Asian style at itsu. The strap line "Eat Beautiful" is aiming maybe too high as it's not quite what the entire experience is about. It's a high street food machine. Having said that I've not explored the whole menu and probably never will. What I did try was fine, touch screen ordered, served up hot and quickly and it looked and tasted good. Reasonably priced? Maybe not too bad for a quick meal served up in the middle of a rainy Edinburgh.

Wednesday, April 03, 2024


An easy way to feel your age (if you're me) is to visit the repair yard and workshops at the Bo'ness railway museum. Up in the observation deck you can look down on the engineers working on old rolling stock and locos. It's all there; overhead cranes, lathes, heavy presses, drilling machines, greasy rags and gas bottles and the mechanical noise of it all. The glorious whirring motors, clangs and clunks, chatter and banter of a working workshop. Real people working with real metal today but at the same time each one stepping back in time to save part of the past somehow. 

Outside in the yard are piles of precious rolling stock and junk. More than is ever likely to be repaired here. It seems that there's a can't say no policy when equipment is offered here so it arrives and sits. Nobody wants to scrap anything. Some people just love those discarded machines, even on this huge and almost unworkable scale. I don't know what the plan is for the Deltic (above), it's rough and needs a bit of tinkering. The (Deltic) engines are out, maybe being refurbished, so I'd like to think, but the engine and chassis look like they need major TLC. A real tyre kicker and project for the black fingernail gang. 

Tuesday, April 02, 2024

White Caterthun

Only a few hundred feet up above the rolling Angus fields but it still feels like being on the roof of the world. A biting wind coming in from the North Sea like some icy invader doesn't help either. It's early April but never underestimate the Scottish weather conditions even at a modest altitude. It's an easy wee walk up here but the views are great and the sense of a ghostly history is almost overpowering. People chose to live in this space over 2000 years ago and made an enormous effort to make the hill top safe and habitable. Times were tough ...

Monday, April 01, 2024

Jellytot's Hate Crime

Of course it's all just an elaborate prank for April 1st and to piss off the electorate and right wing press but never mind that, imagine living in a country where infantile images are used in order to illustrate and communicate serious and complex issues. Then for that move to be policed by clumsy, unnecessary and makeshift laws that will all be a bit of a "work in progress". That means the details, judgements, and sentencing will all be done on the hoof*. "Laugh? I nearly voted for the Greens."  

Welcome to Scotland, where we like to make up new laws because we can't quite rely on the simple old laws to be acted upon or to fit the curve of the zeitgeist. We've become home to the brave new thought bully, trolls and revenge junkies and all those anonymous paranoid fantasists. No adult human ever enjoyed Jellytots.

*I do realize that law by it's very nature has to progress and evolve but this is all a bit different.

Saturday, March 30, 2024

Dune II


Better late than never: Went to see Dune II in the Bo'ness Hippodrome last night. I ate quite a lot of sweets there too. No spoons of actual blue eyed Spice were available to try in the foyer unfortunately, just candy and coffee. The film was noisy, disturbing and impressive. A spectacle. The threat of too much of an earth based and scripted allegory hangs in the air like a dangling sword.  Technically advanced galactic warlords unable to detect and find people hiding a few inches under the sand. Religious overtones. Bloody and strange at times, but that's the Dune universe. Probably not everybody's cup of banana and antelope tea though. 

Dune II, a roaring success with all the right, pretty and successful people making it into the cast: It's already made well over $500m million so everything is OK and the entertainment industry will survive at least until next year. I'll not see it again though, I seldom watch a film twice even if I really like it. Just seems like quite a difficult thing to do. The first cut, first punch etc. I know that not everyone is like this. My time is precious but I still waste it.

Friday, March 29, 2024

Happy Robot Says

The happy groovy robot says that the bestest tiny insult you can ever use is quite simply "You little shit!"  Try it on a friend or enemy today and quietly enjoy the impact and the lifestyle altering outcomes.