Monday, March 28, 2005

The slackers guide to undermining authority

The slackers guide to undermining authority.

She was thirty when she wore her first high heels,
Early morning station platform knowing how it feels,
Just knowing, just knowing, knowing is the best,
You can file your experiences down with all the rest.

Red is the colour and the flame is burning on,
Get back to the week before but her navigation’s gone,
She was a singer, that was the band,
She says the music kept her soul in their command.

It’s early morning and she’s sore in her high heels,
Somewhere a young boy wakes not sure last night was real,
But it’s a graveyard shift that tends to make you six foot tall,
But he can’t explain, he can’t see past this bedroom wall.

This is the slackers guide to undermining authority,
I wrote the book on it in nineteen eighty-three.
Don’t put your dead mail packages in my love tray anymore.
You wear me out, you burn me out, I’m back for more.

The fundamentalists have made a basic big mistake,
They thought the plan they had had everything it takes,
Your heaven’s sounding nice but where are all your friends?
Your happiness in there is nothing but pretence.

My money worries are something I never share,
It’s my bank manager, whose back’s bent in despair,
I gave all his money to the lady in high heels,
She drives a white van handing out her meals on wheels.

I follow signposts and I follow GPS,
I find that following things tends to make less of a mess,
But just when you think you’ve landed at your destination,
Click clack, her high heels walking back towards the station.

Click clack, high heels are walking back towards the station.
Click clack, high heels taking me to my destination.

Sunday, March 27, 2005

The Crispycats visited

Friday night and a holiday weekend: wine & pasta & bread & mucho conversation with Mr and Mrs CBQ (link above - please try) here at Inchgarvie. Cats, the reckless rock n' roll past, OOTB, football and families all figured - jolly fine and very late night.

Slight hangover on Saturday but a mix of Easter eggs, leftovers, coffee and Mario-Kart with Joe and Olivia restored me to (almost) full health again.

Enjoying Falkirk's finest songstress Jill Hepburn's altogether too short CD "Groovy enough for two" try for a copy

Ali was inspired to roam the web, signed us up for Ebay, Amazon and some other stuff.

Read the Glasgow Herald - see "Scribbles" - somewhere in the archive.

Also visited one beautiful grandchild (Elijah) with Easter eggs, bunny etc. He'd had a good long sleep, unlike me.

Doctor Who wasn't so bad, try to avoid the hype and crap and see it as something in it's own right. The football, well, no surprises there.

Olivia (inspired by CBQ's praise for her poetry) wrote some more:


Dad is brave, dad takes a shave,
Dad is thin (?), dad likes to win,
Dad takes the rubbish out to the bin,
Dad has a cat, dad has a garden full of bats,
Dad likes to wear big hats,
I am his daughter,
And I'm even odder.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

One night at acoustica

Great night of OOTB performer performances at the world famous Backpackers in Queenferry Street, Edinburgh.

Neil Pennycook, Lindsay Sugden, Big Jim and the Victorians.

A very mixed up audience of fans, supporters, OOTB regulars, backpackers and members of the general public enjoyed the cheap drink, cowboy town atmosphere and relentless good humour of the venue. I think we shall return.

Sunday, March 20, 2005

Garden on the roof

We now have a garden on our roof. Well not our roof. On the roof of the people below us.
We can however see it anytime we like as it's outside our big window - through which we climb to access the roof - confused?
We started it on Saturday and finished it on Sunday. The specification, design, project plan, procurement, layout and finance was Ali's work. I donkeyed stuff around and she picked up what I forgot.
Now all it has to do is grow.
The cat (Syrus) has been introduced to the various plants and flowers and the rhubarb.
He is not altogether comfortable with the starlings nesting up above.
The rhubarb will be eaten idc.
Erin also approved the arrangement - whilst watching the OC and digesting a tuna / pasta bake.
The plants have now been introduced to our misty night air, East coast fog and a small amount of sunshine.
It must be Spring some where.

A list of the plants etc. will be published shortly.

Friday, March 18, 2005

A typical week of food and drink around here

bacon roll & fried egg roll, pizza & chips, caramel wafer, banana, 1 bottle red wine.

bacon roll & fried egg roll, mince, potatoes, peas & mushrooms, caramel wafer, 2 glasses red wine.

2 ham sandwiches, 1 apple, 1 banana, 1 caramel wafer, ravioli c/w beef mince & veg, raspberies & yoghurt, 2 glasses red wine.

2 ham sandwiches, 2 bananas, 2 pizza slices (pepperami & bacon & mushroom), 1 serving of pasta & sauce, 1 chocolate ice cream cone.

1 bowl of porridge, 1 lemon chicken sandwich, 1 pkt cheese & onion crisps, 1 latte, 1 raisin cookie, 2 salad & chicken rolls, 1 ovaltine.

1 bowl of porridge, 1 chicken curry c/w rice, rice-crispie bar, single twix, 1 cheese & pickle toastie, 2 pints 80/-.

1 ham sandwich, 1 apple, 1 pack crisps, 1 easter cake, 1 caramel wafer, poor man's noodles, 2 glasses red wine.

+ coffee & music in liberal doses.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Acoustic Kitchen

Sunday 13th March: Visited the open-mike night “Acoustic Kitchen” at EBytes in the ancient Pictish non-walled, one way-city of Falkirk, along with Tommy Mac. Not the usual pub or back room venue as it doubles as an Italian restaurant I believe. Anyway a good time was had by all, Tommy did three tunes, one less than 24hours old “Yoinks a tenner!” as well his infamous “Kurt Cabana” and “Kiss and tell” (about a forthcoming royal wedding).

We (Impossible Songs) did “How I hate”, “Cold fish” and “Rainy Friday”, happy to say that Ali found a fine singing voice after being unwell for a few weeks and not a lot of practices.

It was good hear some non-capital city talent for a change and there were some pretty good performances, particularly one set of Glaswegian based poetry that was rather fun. Free pizza was included, the usual surreal raffle thing and I really enjoyed the night out. Thanks to Rob and friends for hosting an OM night that I hope continues to develop – sorry I can’t find their website, arrgh!!

Sunday, March 13, 2005

Guitar Shaped Universe

Research is going on within our facility into this matter, it takes time but we are confident of finding further proof. "$aving America in a guitar shaped universe" is one of our core outputs and a key task. We may require your help in the future - be ready.

In the mean time some new short stories are available on our Fairytale Management Blog. Please take some time to check it out, FTMT, like this blog is large and also contains a great deal of archived material.

Your custom lifestyle soundtrack can be found at or and also many other dark and strange places.

You can also email us and we'll see what we can do - direct sales are fine by us:

Friday, March 11, 2005

A polite breakfast 5

Full English, conveyor toast, small juice glass, one sausage, beans, funny tasting coffee, yoghurt in a tiny pot, £6.95 plus nothing. A travel-lodge type of thingy near Preston (off Junction 3 M55). The background music was ok.

The previous evening the local (?) bitter was only £2.00 a pint and fairly decent, no side effects. Didn't have any for breakfast however.

Made it back in time for - what about the Snowy Owls then?

Sunday, March 06, 2005

The Measurement of Time

We have travelled back to the 5th October 1997 to connect you all with this particular thought from Ali:

"The measurement of time is the measurement of the expansion of existence."

Saturday, March 05, 2005

Lyrics at an early stage....

The ideas here are set down mainly to capture a rythmn than say very much, but the structure seems good so we'll work on it, songs tend not to arrive all in one piece, in good shape, ready to go. Allow us some blood, sweat and tears (and wine) this weekend to develop this. Try anytime you like, even if you don't buy you can get nice 2min song segments. Also or

Long cold winter

The weathergirl says it’s been a long hard winter

Seems no different to me

Music hall faded in my fog of memory

Never said I’d vote for you’re idea.

If your struggling to your feet, I’ve got friends you need to meet

Long cold winter. Long cold winter.

You could die of something along that line

Makes no difference to me

Your action’s consequences hard to find

Right foot down, push back the seat.

If your struggling with defeat, I’ve got friends you need to meet

Long cold winter. Long cold winter.

Long, Cold, Long, Cold,
Stretch your babysitter; come back from the winter,
Make the change to ginger, give us back our bitterness,
Take us to the edge of your success. (nOt qUItE fInIshEd lyrIcs!)

Here’s my Samsonite Kalashnikov

Here’s the remote from my TV

Here’s the rainbow you’ve been praying for

There’s the map to East of Zee.

If your struggling to your feet, I’ve got friends you need to meet

Long cold winter. Long cold winter.

A polite breakfast in Elgin

3rd March 0800- Mansfield Hotel Elgin (Scotland). Raspberry yoghurt, fresh pineapples and melon. Coffee (in a pot with a handle too hot to handle!), toast (brown and I only ate half a slice). Two sausages, fried egg, two bits of bacon, mushrooms and black pudding c/w some brown sauce and a small glass of orange juice. Didn't much like the art work on display in the dining room, service was good however and this hotel is nice and warm.

Didn't eat anything at all until I had some soup and tiffin in Aviemore at about 2pm.

Today and yesterday I have seen a lot of snow, some close up, some at a distance.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

A polite breakfast 3

Edinburgh. Snow fell like snow does, it's very early, I've been up since 0435 and now aeroplanes are frozen on the ground and to it, and I'm in one. Nobody is flying yet.

Edinburgh, 06.35 and I'm sitting on a plane that is going nowhere with it's snowy wings. The captain tells us things will get better once the runway opens. Once it is cleared.

0705, still going nowhere, read the paper, reading a book.

0725, the de-icer truck is due at any moment then we'll be in a queue, once they clear the snow from the runway. Conversations about work, holidays, funny events and more reading.

0745, we must eat a polite breakfast, a hot breakfast which will spoil if not eaten. We must eat it even though we are grounded. No coffee can be served however, only juice, in case of an accident. I eat mine and my fellow passengers eat theirs, quietly as we wait for the next announcement. The breakfast is ok, the weather and the airport are not.

0825, some passengers leave in a herd. Their day is wasted but they have had breakfast. They return to their offices, cars or homes. I'm wondering what to do next.

0905, no queue, no truck, no nothing. Read a book, chat, make phone calls, start to write off the morning.

1000, snow,clearing, de-icer truck has broken down.

1025, stewardess says we can go, I choose to go, we can get off the plane. I ask to go, put my name down, take my boarding card, I will escape. I will make alternative arrangements.

1045, I'm getting off the plane, I'm standing on the slushy steps, but it is raining now.

1050, from the terminal I see the de-icer truck working hard three planes away from the one I was on. They are in a queue.

1100, I am heading for the car park. It was a polite breakfast, shame about the lack of coffee.