Local Features

Conventional history cannot be trusted (all the timelines are wrong, we are not the first to pass this way, civilizations come and go etc.): So as if to prove nothing much another early evening shot of the metal bridges that dominate life in and around our wee town. These were constructed by mysterious but highly civilized neolithic peoples to thwart the local ferry industry built up over many years by rival tribes. Amazing what you can do with and infinite number of ox-carts, bamboo poles and high tensile steel. 

Apart from these structures little is left of them to mark the fleeting time they spent walking the earth peering into dark holes, teaching bats to whistle and completing massive engineering projects. Sadly all their wisdom and culture is now lost to us. 

The bright, shiny thing left of centre is called the Sun, still an object of worship for many fairly well adjusted locals to this day.

PRV

 

If you're feeling sinister ... well maybe not but if you're under pressure then perhaps you need to rebalance your system, sort out the peaks and troughs in supply and demand etc. Get some cosmic equilibrium in there via the streams of living water from high up in the mountains of Midlothian. In terms of plumbing this can be achieved by the installation of a simple pressure reducing valve, a PRV. 

We've got a new one and already I can feel the waves of calm and blissful peace emanating from it's metal heart with a soothing and steady Karmic rotational beat. It quietly reverberates through the household and even though we are not nearby the "good" waves are reaching us, well me anyway. Good, effective plumbing is just another way to describe perpetual bliss.

Stairway to Boleskin

 

Perched high up on the southern banks of gloomy Loch Ness ... OK maybe not really gloomy but most times I've been to Loch Ness it's been pretty damp and well, pretty gloomy. I do recall one sunny afternoon spent around Urquhart Castle and at the top end of the Caledonian Canal (both north side) but that's about it. Anyway as the Boleskin House restoration works continue here's the garden stairway there that probably didn't inspire very much in the way of 70s songwriting, no matter what folks might think.

Pandemic Monday

Why does this happen on every other wash no matter how deep into the washer barrel you place the capsule? The detergent industry owes us all an explanation. Even on a Monday ...

"Just another pandemic Monday, whoa, ho ho."

BA Teaspoons

In this occasional series I'm going to be exploring the world of my favourite teaspoons. Those either rare and valuable or those that enjoy some design quirks or attributes that makes them special. There may not be many.

First up is a British Airways spoon from the 1980s. Back in the day BA travel was almost a pleasant experience, even for the lowest grade of passenger. Proper crockery and cutlery was used (actual china and metal), food and drink was free on demand (almost), tickets were flexible and flying was strangely pleasant. There were no searches or elaborate controls or security, there was a degree of boarding chaos but it was tolerable. Smoking and drinking were encouraged as was chat and banter between passengers and staff.

So as part of the in-flight deal free alcohol abounded, as well as snacks, scones, cream, coffee and proper breakfasts. I was a fairly regular traveler on the Edinburgh - Heathrow shuttles then and I guess, most likely as a result of drinking four double whiskies on the way home, one evening I pocketed this spoon. It's a really well designed, well made spoon, a little longer than you'd expect but satisfying to use. Strangely the BA script on the spoon's handle shows "British airways", no uppercase A on airways. That's an odd design feature or error.

I do wonder if others, greedier or dafter than me pocketed much more stuff; coffee cups, glasses, more cutlery or the high quality napkins that arrived with every place setting. I guess a lot of it is out there somewhere. I know during the start of the pandemic BA auctioned off a load of cabin material as flights were running down but I imagine it was all more recent, modern material and less desirable than 80s vintage (unless from business class).

 

TFTL

The truth does not live in fact, it lives in dreams and fiction. The truth is an untruth disguised as a truth. A loop is without an end, until you cut it to form an end. An end is simply the other side of a beginning.

Foreign Travel

Foreign travel and outdoor pursuits. Things we'd like to do but currently are pretty uncomfortable about, but you can still read books about it all or see others do them on TV, all across the world. If you are brave enough or stupid enough, the wide world is your limited options oyster. Of course there is so much contradiction out there it's impossible make sense of planet earth's status. There's the warnings of massive pollution, melting icecaps and wildlife extinctions, the bad news and obvious evidence. Then there's the Instagram and Nat Geo world's of beautiful vistas, landscapes and eye popping sunsets and travel shows where the sun glints on sea food platters and polished wine glasses as smug presenters enjoy a false life of luxury. 

Then our own little experiences, the repetitive dull rain, middle of the road weather and our grey and littered streets with the drone of traffic and sea gulls fighting over a Burger King box. It's hard to know quite where we are.  Real life remains a puzzle you just have to get on with.

Tomorrow the sun will shine, people will be behave better and be safer, governments, media and corporations will act responsibly and sensibly. Ordinary people will respect their surroundings, care for others and firmly hold authority to account for errors or poor policy. Bigots will just stop being bigots. I wish.

Not sure the clocks in the photo reflect reality either.

Black Album

Reintroducing the black album concept on the back of, well nothing in particular. Is it what the world needs? Not really. I wasn't thinking of making any "Black Album" album at the moment, it was attractive though when it was a thing but that was all some time ago and I'd forgotten about it till now. Anyway if we did make one then this would be a useful image to use to promote it in Scotland. Perhaps not. Black Irn-Bru wont catch on anytime soon. But a Black Album Eurovision Special just might. Cash in now!

Good 'uns

"Good 'uns," said the Major, unashamed of his behaviour in his chosen walk of life, back and forth to dwell in Fife. Good eggs, but one short of a half dozen, perhaps it was poached and eaten by my cousin. We'll never know the truth, he's such an uncultured youth."

Ogden Nashville.

Hidden Views

The views expressed here are not necessarily my views, I may simply be repeating those of others for effect or just to give them an airing. It's likely that most views are mine and were correct at the time, set in a certain context, maybe not so much now. 

The view above is however about to become history or at least will not be viewable in quite the same way for a while. It's rendered in crayon purely for artistic purposes and not for technical or reference reasons.

Surprisingly it was raining at the time this image was captured but the inner rainbows within the soul of the room took flight up to golden places and serenaded the surfaces and little nooks with hues and hidden meanings that I can't quite explain. That's my view anyway.

The world according to cats

Our cats are communicating with us using signs rather than sounds. The days of trying to translate a barrage of anxious, worried or hungry meows are over. The cats are now arranging pieces of cooked chicken into small message based piles in order to alert us to their needs and feelings. For example the arrangement of chicken on the right once translated simply reads as "please get off your fat arse, stop watching Gogglebox and get us some fresh food, preferable juicy meat in nice, runny gravy." A new era of feline companionship difficulty has dawned.

Your face says it all

At a certain point in your life your facial expression may solidify into something like this if you're not careful. Of course if you can't be careful then simply be absurd. This flippant but useful tip works at any age and in most circumstances.

Eurovision: Another year, another selection of strange but sometimes quite good entries. For all the tat and effects it still makes compulsive TV, I can't quite understand why it appeals to a crinkly cynic like me other than I suppose I do enjoy seeing Britain (and the BBC establishment) taking a light hearted pounding, I find that quite satisfying. People say it's outcome is political and tribal, well it is, but it's also because we're a bit shit and arrogant when it comes to competition and of course karma always wins.

Safe Spaces

Having a busy few days fumbling along with DIY projects and the like. I've just completed our newly sanitized and secure anti-Covid, anti-bullshit and anti-social hermetically sealed "panic after the calm but before the storm" panic room. There's a lot of potential panic around these days. Note the double zip entrance/emergency exits I've installed - just in case the beating of a hasty retreat is required. 

In the rarefied atmosphere of the finely balanced breathing system I'm fully expecting to really think some great thoughts, most of which I'll not bother sharing here. They will be philosophically heavy but lacking depth and poorly formed due to the light, puffy, synthetic air. 

Is the panic zone like the Twilight Zone or some futuristic space craft? No, but somebody once likened our grotty but interesting planet to a space ship, I'm not sure why other than the fact that it's traveling a 25000 mph across space but in a squashed up circular kind of orbit and we can't steer it. That's something I'm not mind-full of and I tend to block it out of my everyday comings and goings. 

There's a sparking new Lidl opened up just down the road so I'll be stocking up with all essentials needed for the long voyage to nowhere. So once disaster strikes we'll be safe in this special room and that'll be that. No dust, no toxins, no bugs, no nothing. 

Red Rug

Obituary: The red rug, the family carpet, whatever, has gone. Our red rug was a veteran in a number of fields of human conflict, birthday party incidents and wine spillages across various central Scotland locations over at least 15 years. Never properly cleaned or hoovered and home to numerous life systems and strange cultures, as a magnet for cat fluff, dog fluff and human fluff it served us well and kept our naked toes warm in all weathers. 

Some say it came from John Lewis, perhaps IKEA, I forget but any Velcro that touched it was instantly stained red with it's alien red carpet residue and Brillo pad like abrasive properties. In later years it was used as a platform for daily Joe Wicks antics and we have indeed worn it out properly with our regular high jinks. Now it's gone and the cats are very confused but a replacement will arrive soon (it may be here already), we'll see.

Funeral service - Broxburn Recycling Centre, 10:00 20th May, all welcome (subject to regulations).

Moments

Most of the time I take a fairly balanced view on how my life is going and overall it seems to be going quite well. I have standards but they can vary a little from time to time. I'm human. That's just how things are. Then along comes Twitter, desperate to root around in my psyche and remind me in a few sparse, barbed words that I could have done a whole lot more.

Alfa 166

I was moaning and droning on about ugly modern cars and SUVs a few weeks ago, a pointless rant really, as if my opinions might actually change anything. So by way of an upbeat and positive alternative here's what I consider to be one of the best looking cars ever, though possibly not the most reliable; the Alfa Romeo 166. 

I nearly bought one (two actually) a few years ago, just as I was moving from my Ford Cougar ownership phase. The first was a dark blue one with a lovely tan leather interior but I rejected it as it clearly had a faulty info screen and a repair would have been costly. The other one was silver with a black leather interior (like the one above) but the deal seemed dodgy. The seller met me in a Macdonalds car park which is never a good sign. The car checked out OK but there seemed to me to be something odd about the log book details and so I just walked away (still with a wad of cash in my inside pocket). I still wonder about that car ...

Tuesday Morning

Here's my latest self portrait wittily entitled "Tuesday morning, none the wiser". Before settling for that title I did mull over "Tuesday moron, appetizer" and "Tuesday moaning, no Alzheimers" but after those three strikes I got bored and moved on to elsewhere, wherever that is. I also hear that there's a 9% chance of rain today, at some point.

Terry Reid album score: I'm currently sitting at 4 out 5 CDs listened to. Quite a strong listening performance over the past week.

Cashew number three please: an actual photograph of Sunday's roasted sea-bass with cashews and badly placed cutlery.

Little Nemo

There's a Twitter account called "International Times" that publishes a few old pages and articles from the infamous late 60s/70s rag from time to time. Mostly Fat Freddy's Cat, the Freak Bros and arty mind blowing shit etc. The other day this page from Little Nemo in Slumberland by Winsor McCay was posted, a bit of a memory jogger for me. His artistry and imagination always impressed me and his huge scenes of curvilinear perspective work were incredible.

This predates the normal IT cartoon fodder by 50+ years but McCay's work always had that extra trippy factor that appealed to the hippie types that IT pandered to, namely the likes of me. Of course Nemo was of his time and so a few awkward stereotypes and well trod cultural norms remain there, unedited for a modern readership that knows better. Also a reminder that long before Finding Nemo's clownfish adventurer there was Little Nemo and of course Captain Nemo before that.

Don't dream it's over

There may be open roads, 

There should be better days,

Not for the few but the many,

In our time, times can change.

Avocado Farming

 

First of all I apologize for this weird phallic-like image, it is of course a primitive avocado farm set in a wobbly glass and nothing else. The milk bottle does have a certain history and may well be older than me but that's a story for another day. So we've been trying to grow avocado plants for a while now, almost a year and there has been not a lot of success. Methods have varied, all based on cherry picking internet search advice but for one reason or another all we've seen are slowly rotting seeds floating in murky water. 

This latest attempt is no different and nothing noticeable has occurred with this seed in about three months. However it's now facing west rather than east, will the weather and fertility gods look kindly upon it? I doubt it. My wild dream of owning Scotland's most successful avo-farm is slowly dying and quite rightly too.