Still Life

Still life with strawberries and coffee whilst listening to the Cowboy Junkies version of Sweet Jane. I once had a girlfriend called Jane and was constantly ribbed by my pals about her. They used the song to annoy me, "Sweet Jane, yeah yeah!" In pubs, on the top deck of buses, walking down the street, they'd burst into tuneless singing and point. That's how it was. When she finally chucked me (quite correctly but in awkward circumstances), the Sweet Jane torment continued. I was in therapy for years - no it didn't and no I wasn't. Life still goes on.

Orange Orange

They sent me some pictures to hang but I don't own any walls. The first world but in a minus universe. Which philosopher do you still have a crush on these days? Inflamable or infallible? I'm allergic to the cream that might cure my skin and that stresses me out which only inflames the skin problem. There used to be an internet character called "Annoying Orange" - those were the days but maybe not the days. Their love was mostly unspoken, all because of creeping hearing loss. It was the wrong macaroni and cheese but it tasted just right. If they ever rise up and burn down the White House it won't be white anymore, just the charred remains, the Charred House. Why is today International Animation Day? I'm just not feeling particularly animated right now.

Optics of Whisky

Wonderous stories: I do wonder why a basic computer mouse's cable, supplied by our good friends at Amazon, needs to be about four feet long. Who has arms this length and why would you ever need to be that distance away from your computer/laptop and wouldn't you just use a wireless mouse if you did need to be some distance from said device? Life is full of sweet mysteries like this. The cable is not only too long but also annoyingly kinky, not in a good way.

Another one that I'm encountering is where exactly is the spell checker that used to be on the blogger app? I know the actual full checker disappeared some time ago but up until recently mispelled words were underlined in red. This was very helpful for uneducated monkeys like me and now I have full blown spell checker paranoia. This cannot go one. I may well have to resort to asking some AI squiggle where the old google spelly thing is, or has it been axed in some low level economy drive that nobody asked for? We'll find out downstream.

At the moment I'm enjoying fine whisky now and again, served in fancy glasses, here's one I may swallow later in the day.

Dietary Reasons

Famous Fish and Chips: If you're feeling a little fragile inside it may be down to allergic reactions or some dietary reasons. I don't know what the differences are and I've done no research. Luckily I'm not affected by this. I can eat what I like, pretty much. So I do - a very crispy and crunchy offering like this. When your just exploring the over 70 landscape but also wandering aimlessly down Sniper Alley everyday, why would you do anything else?

Psychic spies from China or exotic yogurt drinks from Korea?

You need to choose.

Life in a modern cafe: In the toilets there's a mural based around the antics of Mario, the world's most notorious Italian plumber, however I can't quite remember the name of the cafe. Black Dog, Black Sheep Dog, Black Coffee, Black Mamba ...

Wasp Famine

George the cat searches for the last available wasp.

-------------------------

 It's just a number.

Another number.

There are lots of numbers.

I've seen the main ones.

But as for the rest ...

I had written a big, long spiel about turning 70 with lots of negatives and positives on being this age. It was a clunky, obvious, over egged list. A load of rubbish. Then, quite by accident, I deleted it and couldn't recover it. I think that was the most 70+ thing I've done so far. You have to practice at being old, it's not so easy.

😂

70

 

Time flies by: It's a little less worse than it appears as at least nobody has actually burned it down yet: Seventy years ago or thereabouts I was born somewhere inside this now derelict country house. Then, in 1955, it was Craigtoun Maternity Hospital, close to St Andrews and well and truly planted in the Kingdom of Fife. The story goes that before that it was a mansion house owned by a prosperous family - which makes it a fine base camp for ghosts or a vanity project for somebody with too much money. 

The house is a bit of a first class ruin now and unlikely to recover from the years of abandonment and neglect which strangely enough correspond to a brutal slab of my lifetime. I might feel a bit dilapidated at times but never abandoned. That's what happens in life though, things fall apart, slowly, so I'll just leave that notion here. Thanks for the photos, whatever enterprising seeker of ruins took them. Sorry I can't credit you any other way.

You can see the house if you peer through the trees at Craigtoun Country Park or just veer off the entrance roadway a little. Perhaps I'll pop up for a post birthday look, set my soul free etc.

Coke and Onion Teaser

"This old Japanese trick with some Coca-Cola and an onion blew my mind." 

It's the kind of ridiculous, wild and senseless claim we see everyday. This is how things have evolved and become weaponized, living in a world where weird sentences and images like this regularly pop up on our screens, phones or whatever - but I'm finally starting to resist any urge to accept these messages as normal, useful or anything other than an intrusive invasion of my inner space. Staying numb simply isn't an option, it's a creeping, choking death for your waking hours and any remaining good sense. 

They're there first thing in the morning and last thing at night, clawing for attention and engagement. They make the checking of news, personal messages or emails akin to crossing a digital minefield which also an all consuming slough of quicksand. We're being attacked and controlled from all sides by this plague of time bandits. They want everyone to feed the addiction.  Apart from that everything else is just about fine.

Right Ear, Right Now

This a detail from the recent TIME magazine cover photo of some president or other, can't quite recall the name. As you might expect people are of course banging on about his neck, hair, unhealthy complexion and so on. What I find interesting is that this ear here was fairly recently wounded and punctured by a high velocity rifle shot - or so we've been told. Whatever damage was done by the bullet isn't obvious, the ear appears to have recovered without a mark or scar. Unless it was all just a silly mix up with a rogue sachet of misplaced ketchup. I'm sure there's an AI bot somewhere out there with the answer.

Things That Go Bump In The Night

Now there's a sentence that doesn't actually make much sense - things going "bump" in the night. Cats do more than bump into things, they can be crazy and noisy with their mysterious cat business. So what's nocturnal all about? Nocturnal animals are creatures that are active during the night and rest or sleep during the day. Simple. Not sure it's that straightforward with cats though.

Will The Wolf Survive?

Will it? I hope so, but will we?

Canis Lupus, for one more time: The wolf will survive because it is a highly adaptable and resilient animal. They can live in a wide range of environments, from icy tundras to dense forest and their pack culture allows them to hunt efficiently and protect their members. Wolves are skilled predators with strong instincts and cooperation skills, which help them find food even in harsh conditions. Their ability to adjust their diet and behavior as habitats change ensures that wolves can continue to thrive, no matter how challenging their surroundings become. Just avoid domestication, you can see what has happened to the other side of the family.

When Karma Swings Your Way

My world view isn't quite complete yet: Here's a Chinese map of the earth that is thought to be from around 1418. Quite a lot going on here that needs unpacking but maybe it's all a fake, even though by now alternative history is really last year's thing. They got the roundness bit of a geoid earth right though. We also know that Columbus didn't really discover anything, religions are all fictional tosh and the Egyptians may have had laser cutting equipment for their masonry work(?)? History is of course "just one thing after another" viewed through an often unreliable or imaginary lens.

Many migrations had taken place in all directions well before 1492, mostly on foot or via flying saucer. The Chinese had rockets at this point in their history too and they've still got all the "rare minerals", the drive and the manufacturing capacity to do whatever they like. We here in the UK's stagnant puddle of mud can't even assemble a decent riot anymore. Funny how the West has always portrayed itself as more advanced and civilized when actually it's not quite how things are or ever have been. Mind you we don't eat snakes yet but we do eat jellied eels.  Anyway nobody really cares. It's not as if we're in control our own destiny.

Deeply Sweet and Thick

Deeply sweet and thick, brings creamy goodness to your coffee and bakes, or so it claims. Purchased in error a few days ago when I seem to have become temporarily confused between the meaning of the words condensed and evaporated whilst browsing in the "whatever and non-specific" bit of the un-refrigerated dairy and cake bake section in Tsc. However a few spoons of this goo added to Lidl coffee now and then seems to be helpful in aiding the operation of the elderly gent's rumbustious constitution. 

If only there was some way that this disastrous appetite for self destruction could be toned down a notch or two somehow. An unbiased risk assessment is needed. I did some on line research and it turns out there is a fatal dose. Twenty four 8oz cans, presumably dropped onto your momentarily distracted skull from a reasonable height.

Lexington Lab Band

Headphones are a must for this (and for most music listening) but be warned it's not a particularly good song: There are a few very talented bands out there who can deconstruct and then play live the complicated and multi tracked tunes done by all those old school rock bands. Lexington Lab are one of the best developers of this school of revised  interpretations that I've heard so far. Look for Band Geeks too, they are up there.

I always thought that this Led Zep tune wasn't up to much, pretty weak and cumbersome, just not quite right. Hearing and seeing this new rendition changed my mind, well almost. Despite what's been added there's no denying that the construction of the melody and the lyrics are still poor, but in this version the complicated guitar parts, drum fills and breaks seem much cleaner and better executed - when played live by these musicians. 

The female vocal* also lifts and improves the whole thing as it's miles ahead of  the original but it's the guitar interplay and sound separation that, in this context, that I really can appreciate. Full credit to the song's authors but they missed the mark, or something, when they recorded it first time around.

*I've noticed that female vocalists often do a brilliant job of covering the vocals of Jon Anderson, Robert Plant, Geddy Lee and many others ...

Life Observed

In the great tradition of the "we were promised jetpacks" moans I recall that around about 1971 we were promised starships. Mostly by unreliable rock stars, comic strips  and sci-fi writers but the idea was out there (Blows Against the Empire etc.). Now here we are in 2025 and these clunky looking earthbound robot "starships" are delivering groceries and fast food on our pavements.  Things are progressing nicely. Don't stop believing ...

I need a new tyre. In order to avoid skills fade I remove the worn tyre and wheel from the car and take it to the tyre shop where they fit the new tyre on the wheel. I then go home with the newly replaced tyre and fit it on to the car myself. I don't save any money or time by doing this but I sleep better at night knowing that I can still jack up a car and change a wheel. 

Somebody, of a certain age I'd guess, wrote this note and then sellotaped to a bus shelter in Rosyth. I've no idea how the back story to this goes or how it might be resolved. Some things are best left in an open ended state.

Un-British etc.

 

One political party can't spell Britain on a bar of promotional chocolate and another says that protesting for the Palestinian cause is "un-British". I'm not really confused, surprised or even disappointed, the days of feeling anything, other than quietly exhausted with them all, have simply slipped away, they are just gone. 

The Fog Within

As a general observation and from lived experience I'd say that a big part of life is spent revising and changing the opinions and positions you may have held on things. However because life tends to take quite a while to pass, a person can lose perspective about where they are now compared to where they used to be. We can grow into being droll and petulant creatures without some self examination and external input. 

It's good therefore to take a moment and consider where you are now compared to where you were before. This of course isn't always a sign that things have worked out for the best, not all change is worthwhile or wholesome. Sometimes growth means moving in a number of contradictory directions. I find that a good epiphany now and then can certainly clear the fog from within the soul.

If you manage to live a long life and in that time your beliefs, opinions and values etc. have pretty much remained the same, static even, then frankly I'm stumped. Did you actually "get" everything right the first time round? Have you just settled for whatever landed in your lap and if so what are you doing about it?

So ... they say that how somebody talks about Greta Thunberg is the quickest personality test there is ... for me it's usually been how somebody treats/talks to serving staff in a restaurant or cafe. I get the idea though and perhaps I need to evolve a little more. Another slice of freshly formed fog please.

Tedious Obsessions

 

Already thing's are not quite right: In what is likely to be looked back on by me as an unnecessary butt scratching, kite flying exercise I'm trying to elevate my collection of bummed out guitars on to some kind of higher % useful/playable status. This involves revisiting numerous old and unresolved problems with some reimagined cheap but hopefully effective DIY solutions. I already know it's doomed so I keep my head is down and stay focused ... something might just work. It all keeps my mind sharp and my finger tips sticky, but then again some of that is just the persistence of superglue.

Solar Power is the Future

 

If we've learned anything it's that we've mostly learned nothing. Solar power generation in our area is an unattainable thing because our area is in a conservation area and solar panels are, strictly speaking, not allowed by order of the mighty planning department. That's a very sustainable position to take when considering a bog standard 70's house. Having the cat sit on a tiny pirate panel doesn't really help much either. Ho hum.

Through A Covid Lens

Glittering owl faces, gem encrusted birds of prey and snakes. There's always a snake. A creature saddled with an unfair and undeserved reputation for misleading humanity. This is from the "reflective" phase of covid delirium. I'm just passing through it at the moment.

They took a crosscut saw to some wilder tribal tales and gave us a creation story with so many holes in it that they might as well have used the Owl and the Pussycat - or am I mixing them up with the Jumblies by Edward Lear? Far and few etc? My efforts at study are now looking futile and shallow.

If they'd only allowed the Bible's bits to be preserved in the old Hebrew translation (like Sumerian or Egyptian works) and buried in a lost tomb, nobody would be quoting or even misquoting it today. And the world would be as one ... 

😜

Covid 25

 

Not feeling quite right? Why you may well have fallen foul of the latest strain of Covid, the curiously named Sirius or Nimbus or Stratus strains which are rampant in our corner of the woods. Messing with heads, throats and the simple pleasure of breathing. A plague upon these Harry Potter broomstick model themed ... plagues. I've got it anyway, right where I don't want it. It's mostly a raw, hot and bothered sore throat. Tremors, shivers and a woozy head I can stand but a sore throat, eek!

This isn't medical advice but try riding that dirty covid stallion like some wild mustang in one of those horse breaking scenes from Yellowstone. All dust, spit, sweat and swearing. Then take it to the limit where in some fevered dream you meet your spirit animal, which if you're lucky will be a wolf with the voice and attitude of Jonny Cash - a la Simpsons. It will lead you, guide you even, to the other side and, as they say, you will know when you know.

Three other things that actually helped me: warm salt water gargling, Beechham's Powders (Yes), old school Vic Vapour rub applied externally to the throat. And a fourth thing - as much sleep as you can possibly get. Welcome back to the dark side where, as you might expect, things are a little darker.