Sunday, October 05, 2014

5ive Easy Pieces

This type of silly reflection comes around regularly - Five Easy Pieces.

1. Actors: How often do you look at actors and watch their performances and think, “these people are not doing any acting at all? They just behaving in a way that’s normal to them and part of their character, there’s no effort or mystery or great method, they are just doing the same thing all the time but in a different place and with another name and some assumed identity. They probably have a natural tendency towards smiling, being over dramatic in life or glowering and perhaps they have in interesting vocal tone or range and they maybe have quirky looks. They can remember long strings of words which is a clever trick but hardly creative. All quite accidental, opportunistic and nothing to do with talent. How hard work can that be?

2. Chefs: Heating up meat or fish, plopping it onto a (warm) plate with a few vegetables, arranging it all so it looks nice, drizzling it with some artistic splash of a mysterious and coloured product that has no obvious taste. I don’t see the big deal apart from the fact that kitchen’s can be hot, smelly and unpleasant. All food needs to be cooked and prepared properly, most of that is down to making a few good choices at the purchasing stage; don’t buy rubbish, keep it all clean  and then follow the recipe and set about presenting it properly. It’s not a tough call, it’s common sense and we’ve been doing it since the dawn of time. Get over it.

3. Formula 1 drivers: Back in the day it was tough and dangerous. Now, apart from bad whether it’s dull rich kids whizzing around after successful karting careers  in elaborate over engineered Scalextric cars put together by boffins and scientists miles away from the general public and monitored by more equipment and telemetry than you’d get in an operating theatre or a air traffic control centre. Of course it’s all for the TV audience but each race just looks the same and with every season becomes more like an elaborate video game but without the mayhem. Then there’s the pointless and hysterical commentary, who cares?

4. Politicians: It can be a class thing or a no-hoper thing but you can get dragged in from being a TU activist if you’re a nuisance. Get caught up in a braying and not so well supported set of party activities and get-togethers, pretend to care for your fellow man/woman or cause and then major on some issue that bores the pants from most ordinary people. Turn up at meetings, smile and be personable but abrasive and stick to the party line on Twitter, Question Time or when writing to the local press. Bring along a few disciples and get them to put out flyers and posters. Then retire to the House of Commons bar and hibernate for five years whilst flipping homes and enjoying long holidays.

5. DJs: Get into a hot, sweaty club (preferably in some foreign country) and play blaring heavily bass biased music to drunk and wasted young people. Shout and wave your arms during breaks in the music and wear a stupid hat of some description, get some girls to dance along on either side of you if you can. No need to know the first thing about music or song writing you just need to work the wheels of steel or use some short circuited app on your phone using your mp3 or a borrowed vinyl collection. If the beats are big enough, it’s all loud enough and the lights are bright enough then everybody has a good time and you get the credit and the fee.

Good luck to you all, nice work if you can get it.

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