Still life of some sort: Ladies and gentlemen, I give you a fine selection of wonky pears. Did I grow them, did I buy them? No I did not. But I can confirm that they came from a reasonably local, not too far away source. Are they at all edible? Absolutely not.
Sorry about the gratuitous use of a banned "A" word there but I suffer from a limited vocabulary. Weak thoughts and mumbled prayers are required.
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