Sign

 

The occasional and elusive department of "I sincerely hope this is real" has opened for a few brief moments. Probably the best door sign (and response) I've seen in a while. If it's tomorrow by now, I'll still be laughing at this. It's childish I know and probably been doing the rounds for years, it may even be AI or another dumb fake but I don't care. It's the idea and the situation that I find funny.

South Queensferry Dreary Photo

The stone cold grey blocks of the imperial past, buildings and works of a type we'll never see again. Nobody is going to build anything this way and so many of the skills have faded away. There would be no good reason to try and the costs would be eye watering. It's drab and imposing, familiar and disturbing, heavy in resource and labour, crafted rather than "thrown together and built on an austerity budget". Blood, sweat, tears and exploitation ... you do it your way because you can. 

You're known as "His Excellency" from Sydney to Bombay and beyond. In every gentlemen's club, diplomatic office and government building doors are opened for you. You have a boy to bat away the insects. Cool drinks are poured as you sit back in a leather chair.  And when the tour is done porters with horses and carts carry your heavy trunks mixed through with pillage and profit down to the waiting ships. 

There the nimble dockers handle all those wooden cases of valuables with care and a grim reverence, the special instructions have been branded onto the timbers in the Queen's English, it's clear what's happening. Ropes and bindings cut into their edges, nails groan as the crates are stowed away for the trip home, down in the dark hold. Ultimately those fine item's long journey ends with them sitting behind glass in some great house, away from the real world once again, fearful of dust and handling. Trophies of forgotten wars and conquests. Everything is now in it's rightful place.

"Plant something in the old horse trough to brighten up the square."

Only Murders

Bungle, the pyjama wearing kitten enjoys another riveting episode of "Only Murders in the Building" on Disney+. It's typical of our normal evening activities. Fine food, fine wine and then lounging on the couch as our minds are slowly churned and turned into scrambled eggs by the mysterious and unwelcome force known as LG TV. Hard to imagine but our day normally begins with a rigorous Joe Wicks workout followed by the serene inner silences being explored in a deep transcendental air-bathing session before a breakfast feast of curried bananas, ibex cheese and a lettuce, barley and semolina smoothie.

South Queensferry Daily Photo

 

Whilst it isn't really in South Queensferry I still consider Hopetoun House to be near enough to be in it. Having lived close to it's environs in Abercorn for quite a few years it's always meant something to me, I'm not quite sure what. The "ruling" families and their influence and all the awkward and uneven history doesn't sit right with me but Hopetoun ... remains a conflicted guilty pleasure. We're all a bit hard wired on the habits of the deferential respect we are expected to show to the upper class, their estates and their trappings. Class remains king in this fractured and deluded country and so is a continual and unavoidable embarrassment.

Yesterday we had a wander around the gardens in search of unicorns, my least favourite fantasy beast, eventually we found them, or at least very cute four hoofed facsimiles. Wide eyed kids could walk along the path with them for a small fee, as is common practice in all true unicorn encounters. In these photos I deliberately avoided the unicorns (for fear of magical reprisals) and also the big house so it's the back lanes, steps, walls and little details here.  

Wine of the Week

 

The wine of the week is red, it's from Bo'ness (well the local Lidl therein) and possibly put together in Chile. I've no clear idea what Chilean life might be like at the moment, I hope it's OK. The grapes are Merlot. It's sold in a glass bottle for a reasonable price as you'd expect being wine of the week. Scoffed easily and no sore head. What more could you wish for? Shout out for Bo'ness by the way, there's a lot of good things going on in that wee town. Worth a visit for multiple decent cinematic, bakery, auto repairs and railway museum visiting reasons, amongst other things.

Unconnected Outputs

I'm no authority but I understand that in certain places cats are thought to be witches and conversely witches are also thought to be cats. They appear to be interchangeable. This is not how things have seemed in my experiences of either cats or witches but I'm going be a bit more tightly focused from now on, regarding my somewhat hazy observations.

I've never really liked the term "antique land", why not just say "another land" or something? Apart from that minor criticism the wee poem stands up quite nicely and err... pretty much tells it like it is, whoever you might be.

Meanwhile here's a fairly straightforward and accurate bit of advertising:

How To ...

My friend John Farrell knows a thing or two about a lot of things including DIY, healthy smoothies and espresso as he demonstrates here.  He also pulls off some mean guitar playing in the process.

Things are Everywhere

A photograph by Lee Miller taken in war torn St Malo in 1944.

Surrealism is everywhere, it was around 13000 years ago apparently and I don't doubt that. There are carvings and cave paintings to prove it, I've just not seen them yet. Mixed in amongst all the serious, tedious and sombre are the alternative spirits of absurdity and experimentation. They live on despite themselves, such strange, unwelcome bedfellows. 

They are only another force of nature, as right and proper as all the "right and proper" things that your elders and betters told you to take so seriously or else you'd be left behind. Well 60+ years on who's laughing now? Not me really but I do indulge myself with the occasional sly smirk.

Two Castrations and a Spay

Yes, those are the cat's pyjamas. Typical Monday kind of day around here, two castrations, a spay, a brown rice stir fry, a bottle of wine and the purchase of a 4" drainage pipe from B&Q. Sometimes it's hard to just keep up with any version of our regular routine, pedestrian or dismal activities. Anyway the cats are now recovering from their various surgeries (all of a planned nature) and we're hopeful of getting back to normal ... never.

Three Objects

 

Subject yourself to some mental torture using only three objects: One intellectual and creative challenge you might try is to write a dramatic short story using only three objects that make up the basis for the tale*. Any type of everyday item can be used, maybe a picture you've found. Stretch your imagination and see where it takes you. What exotic places, esoteric problems or exciting situations might you imagine? The sky is the limit (unless you write a story telling of how the sky is simply the cosmic gate way to somewhere else or it's a large dome's interior structure in a simulation or it's God's bathroom ceiling and we're all residing on a tiny speck of poo that's stuck to the toilet bowl that could be cleaned off or flushed away at any moment). Eek!

* I can tell you right now this is exactly the sort thing I never would/could do, so I won't be bothering with any of this utter nonsense.

Scottish Breakfast

Scottish Breakfast at Peggie Scott's - not a proper review: Actually tastes better than it looks and being quite hungry also helps. Incidentally I ate every scrap. The brown sauce was added later but omitted from the photo for clarity. The drink is a latte, everything else is self explanatory. Peggie Scott's diner is a three quarter way road trip stop between here (where's that?) and Aberdeen. I've no complaints.

Masters of Silent Reprisals

A small colony of intergalactic mushrooms have invaded our nice, quietly blossoming floral planters. I don't think that they're safe or edible either but I'm sure they want us to believe that they have come here "in peace". Yeah, every invader starts off with that line as they plan their next move of mass exploitation and colonial conquest. Meanwhile they're crowding out our summer plantings and sending their spores and probes deep into our hallowed compost in order to connect with the mother-ship or whatever underground HQ they might have. 

Communications will be established and ... I forget how it all works for fungaea with their tendrils, networks, electrical impulses, delicious flavours and mind warping chemical properties. However their texture can sometimes be a little unpleasant if they're not properly prepared i.e. cooked. (Never let them hear you say that). They must not be underestimated, they are the masters of the silent reprisal and time is on their side.

Scotch Mist

 

Day two in the midst of the mist: Recently the factories and mines that produce Scottish Mist have been working overtime as our mist (from an ultra secret recipe of course) increases in popularity. Supply has been exceeding demand and as prices rise there may be a glut of "Mist Millionaires" as we like to call them around here. There's speculation that Scotland may soon be able to boast of our first Mist Billionaire but nobody is quite sure. On the other side of things many lower output manufacturers are also concerned that bigger, non Scottish companies may edge into this lucrative market and use complex deals and cartels so as to squeeze out many of the smaller historic families who have been producing high quality mist since the days of Rob Roy MacGregor (no, not that one). 

Back in those days it was a cottage industry that thrived up until the Jacobean wars and the subsequent Highland Clearances. A long period of decline followed before a revival took place mainly thanks to the success of over enthusiastic You Tubers travelling around Scotland in self modified vans, drinking coffee and filming themselves in various historic locations; ones that no self respecting Scots person would ever bother to visit. It just goes to show you never can tell. 

By the way that "family friendly" firm Ineos is now the favourite to snap up the small providers and go global with the magical mist. They say that their values match well with ours. Many (in the know and in the underground) think that such a move might well spark a bloody revolution leading to various famous heads meeting up with various less famous spikes. "There might be other, nastier consequences if that happens" said a disgruntled highlander from lowland South Queensferry who wished to remain anonymous. I've no idea what's going on myself, if I hear more I'll post it.

Play Misty For Me

 Misty morning, foghorn calling, etc.

Lords and Gods of Progressive Rock

Vague truth: When you download it is it really down and when you upload it is it really up and where exactly is all this material kept anyway? Does it exist at all or is it an illusion? As history unwinds it's tortuous story down a fairly uncertain path why are there always more questions than answers and why have the great gods of progressive rock with all their lyrical flights of fantasy failed to stumble onto even the vaguest of truths? 

Of course you could argue that they have pursued many vague truths quite diligently and neither proven or disproven any of them because the subject matter is mostly fictional, which is an answer of sorts. Word salads from the creative corner isn't any better than word salad from anywhere else. It's still salad. Don't start me on country*, punk, hip hop or AOR salads either.

Protest singers, god bless them, are far more certain in their chosen line of business, they tend to deal in facts but allow for a certain amount of warping in the process. Their salad is warm or just around room temperature (that used to be a thing). Right on. Somehow I find that rather more satisfying. I still like mellotrons though.

*Just taking a moment to reflect on the enormous contribution made by the oh so tragic country duo Sunflower and Catfood. In the end Gram Parsons was so proud to have been associated with them as was I.

Sunflower and Catfood

 

Sounding very much like an up and coming country and western duo we have here, as special guests on the blog, none other than the fabulous Sunflower and Catfood. Sunflower is in the first bloom of the (summer?) season, short and to the point. The taller and more beefy looking plants have yet to flower. Will they ever? I wonder, it's getting late.

Cat food; here it is specially prepared to entice the not so hungry kittens at bed time when we're hoping they'll quietly settle for the night after a decent meal. To attract them to the table, the food is cunningly garnished with squirts of a cat friendly street cocaine known as Liki-Lix (available from all good super-markets). It works, they certainly eat it all up but are not so eager to fall asleep.

As an added bonus feature you might like to see the photo below not as a high class feline dish but rather as an artistic attempt to create a version of Micky Mouse rendered as cat food. A barbed social comment from the wider cat community as they strike back at the Disney empire.

When you ask AI all about the fabulous "Sunflower & Catfood" and how they're musical careers are going, this is the image you get. Marvelous people and great entertainers according to the stalwarts of the music press. Great to see you both looking so happy and well, folks everywhere are so glad you're together. You make a lovely but unreal couple.

Concrete Plans for Schooling

A stick-man government fails to invest in school infrastructure. They sit on their arses. They cut the budget by 50%. They hid the facts. It's deliberate. Nothing to see here.

In simple terms Conservative governments don't care about improving the standards of education for ordinary people. Quite the opposite, it matters to them that the education of the masses is delivered to a poor standard. This applies to every aspect of education from pre-school to university. Nobody in power wants a well educated electorate actually understanding the history, nature and levels of corruption that exist deep in British high society and maybe then trying to change how the state is run. That's a threat to their system. And they're pretty safe in there.

So keep the plebs stupid and ignorant, dirty and drunk, hopefully to the point where they will be apathetic about politics and just not bother to engage or vote. That in very simple terms is the plan. Survival  through substandard. So if a few state schools are broken or off line for a while they will be quite happy. It wont affect their kids will it?

Sorry, Tuesday brings out the worst. Tomorrow we'll be back to light weight surrealism or something similar.

The Scarecrow's Beautiful Wife

Available for sale as a composed NFT only: Multi digitized image of imaginary Chinese celebrity scarecrow "Footsy" on a coach tour holiday with his wife visiting active volcanoes in and around Indonesia in the early part of the 2000s. The scene depicts the infamous incident that took place when their tour bus had a flat tyre as a result of accidentally reversing into a pool of lava on the edge of the parking area whilst all the wardens were on their lunch break. The lunch menu has never been recovered.

It was thought that the hostages would escape at this point but Footsy calmed them with a hastily conceived meditation bomb. Nobody was injured as a result but prayers and thoughts were asked for by multiple social media users all across the world's scarecrow community. Some say that they fell on deaf ears. As you may know scarecrows are currently threatened with extinction as result of recent aggressive and biased economic policy amongst at least nine countries in the G7 group and also guitarists in the F#m group. Price(s) on application. Crop rotations are not affected by this offer.

Photos of Food

Last week's menu: Actually just a food related photo taken prior to warming these trays up. Waitrose fish pie* smells like cat food but actually tastes fine. Is this true for all ready meal fish pies? Probably not. It could also be that cat food aromas have become trapped in my nostrils since the kittens came to stay as I'm on fairly regular preparation duty dishing up their high protein meals. In other words everything smells like cat food.

Fish pies don't always taste "fine" (which is hardly a scientific measure of anything but reflects budget buys mostly) but they may well all smell like cat food prior to being heated to perfection assuming you're regularly scraping cat food into cat dishes with nostrils that are slightly conflicted. This revelation and observation follows on from very little extensive research and too much imagination. 

*Reduced to clear etc.

Below: That time when somebody forgot to order the fish pies in time for the meal.

Pond Life

Unsightly garden features - continued: Following on from the reasonable success of the log store project I also up-cycled another pallet and somehow managed to build this elevated garden pond. Obviously it's only pallet sized but I tweaked it with extra timber to make the pond about a foot deep. You Tube experience and guidance can be a good thing, I've confirmed that there is clearly nothing new in the world. Fish are not part of the plan at the moment, more like "lower level creepy crawly wildlife", water happy plants to keep things clean and occasional support for bird baths. It's all gone very Zen recently. Yes that is second year asparagus growing on the right.