Return from Key West

Some people call it Paradise, even the local police do (and write it on the sides of their prowlers). It's the edge of an unbalanced world, a strange mix of drunkards, Jocks, drag queens, hippies, stoners, baffled tourists, Ms Americas and millionaires. Everybody is looking for something; cigars from Cuba, $4 coconut milk drinks, non-stop blues and erotic cabaret, intense heat, bad behaviour,  water sports and marlin fishing. All there somewhere. It defies any easy description, it's an experience where you tick boxes you didn't know you had. I saw Jimmy Page's 1959 Les Paul up for sale alongside a Hendrix Strat, Sting's Precision  Bass, SRV's Strat, Kurt Cobain's Jaguar, Keef's 335 and a host of other things no ordinary person could ever afford. The six toed cats (49 of them) asleep on Ernest Hemingway's bed and a vibe that says truly "you can check out any time you like but you can never leave." Well we did eventually, back up Highway 1 in the blazing sun in a grand race against all the bad drivers of the USA, home safe and as ever still bewildered by it all.

Hotter than July

Live band in Gas Monkey HQ.

Useful sign generally ignored.

Chickens roost by an ATM on Main Street.

Just landed on a strange new planet called Key West. Disconnected from the US by miles of bridges and islands. Here the hot plastic hippy, ex-Cuban dream is still alive and anything goes. The normal world seems a long way away with streets full of dudes, cigar shops, clubs and ever kind of everything. We're a long way from Kansas Dorothy. I wonder if the rain will ever stop?

Who can find this cat?

Pokemon Go is driving everyone mad over here (apparently), store clerks, students, taxi drivers, young at heart, they're all after these elusive virtual beasts. Every conversation centres around these things and their possible locations. A number are hiding in my suitcase apparently, seeking a safe haven back in the UK come the day. You think this form of madcap gaming is a good thing? Frankly I think the time has come to form an organised bonfire of smart phones and purge the planet before it's too late.

Fairy Dust

Whilst living in a fairytale, miles away from the real and highly troubled world it was only a matter of time before some weird example of the undetectable nether/never land would come into my possession. In this case it's the autograph of Tinkerbelle (with or without the added e). As a result there's some extra fairy dust applied to this post that will no doubt generate it own kind of magic all across this small corner of the universe. I will sleep extra peacefully tonight whatever else is going down.

Large spaces

The problem with Europe is that it's just too small, like a town made up of bricked up terraced houses or a drunken pop festival campsite. Everybody is on top of each other, eyeballing their junk and getting irritated by space invasion after lunatic space invasion. This leads to wars and other bad things whilst those high minded types consider it all to be good for the community and for sharing and economies of scale. Of course it can be good for all these things but we need controls and freedoms and I guess I thought we had at least the structure of those things (as pretty blunt instruments) before the stupid Brexit outcome.  Now we'll end up with hee-haw and continue to be the laughing stock of the civilised world (?). 

Here in the sweaty US there's way too much space, too much super-size, too much long distance and too much disconnection. They do however do a pretty decent burger and the petrol, despite the crumbling exchange rates remains cheap as (pre-Brexit) chips.  So let's stay in Europe by whatever means and fix it. That's really all I have to say on the matter, tomorrow we'll get back to theme-parks, donuts and sunburn.

American fridge

Trying hard to strike a balance between holiday and healthy eating, not easy.  We have a large amount of alcohol, fizzy drinks, Chinese leftovers, cheeses, cold meat, water melon, pineapple, dips and yoghurts all to be consumed in some random order as time and energy allow. At the moment, following an IHoP breakfast and various sweet things for lunch I can't really face anymore food. As I reflect I hear the thunder's roaring and the lightning's flashing and I've just heard that Boris J is now Foreign Secretary, home seems further away than ever and these idiots (the government) seem hell bent on destruction by one ludicrous appointment after another.  Soon be wine o'clock!

A strange twist of fate

And so, just a day after one shows up two miles away along comes another a mere six miles away. As James Bond or even Sean Connery might say "this is intolerable" or words to that effect.

Ooft!

Look what's popped up for sale just two miles away from my winter residence.  Naturally I'm conflicted right now, torn between reaching for the phone, emailing a load of conditional blethers or just toughing it out until August. A proper conversation is needed, face to face, not over thousands of miles but...

Nobody

It seems that out of 60 million people or so, that pretty much nobody (other than one) wants to be the UK's Prime Minister. I guess it's a pretty shitty job these days, captaining a sinking ship and all that whilst getting stabbed in the back and then blindly stabbing others. Sadly it only confirms what I've been thinking for a while, this current generation of politicians have no balls, no vision or actual useful ambition for the country. I think they're really just in it now for the parachute payments and the pension...a bit like me then.

Photos of food: Actually I didn't really bother taking any today because, hey, we've all seen food of some kind now and again I don't want to develop some American style obsession with muffins, pancakes and those huge bags of potato chips they sell here, then it's all washed down with a dose of amber and fizzy "light" beer. Pleasant but not healthy at all, at least yesterday's smoothie (as above) was reasonably unpolluted with unwanted extras.

Some images from the week

Home alone today, mostly making smoothies to use up fruit and catching up on domestics. Also good to see Mr Murray do a great job, watched from a safe distance with one foot in the swimming pool holding a cool beer. Next up are the Euro finals, just kicked off. Surprising how much media coverage this gets here in the US, I guess Europe holds some strange fascination for them what with our political upheavals,  strange cars and food and the constant bickering that takes place between each nation state. It'll calm down in a century or two.

Staying oblivious

I'm managing to remain distracted and oblivious towards the desperate state of things back in the UK; the slide continues. So my extended holiday of the mind allows me to fritter time away helping to design virtual cars and then race them on real tracks across America's theme park waste lands. Quite an enjoyable pursuit really and one that makes for great bonding with the grandkids. Here everything is unreal and strange and now more expensive. Some day soon however there will be a large and clumsy bump for me when reality returns, until then....Vroom!

Trumpgate

Some people feel strongly about things and exhibit the need to pass it all on to the general public. This welcoming sight warns of the consequences of upsetting a Trump supporter in northern Florida (somewhere in the small print), didn't dare go too close just in case.  Funnily this is one of the few pro-Trump things I've seen. Perhaps I'm visiting the wrong kind of places.

Space City

Funny how much of distant, world wide news (now history) you absorb at a young age. Here in the Kennedy Space Centre I realised I'd lived through all the major Space Race events mentioned and explained and that it all had gone pretty deeply into my psyche. These rockets and the brave men that rode them really influenced me but until I walked among their now silent hulks I just didn't realise by how much. Quite an impressive and inspiring place full of wonderful material and still moving forward and focused on a bright future that many (normal) visitors might find hard to believe in.

4th July

That's the breakfast smoothie exercise completed.

As today is the 4th of July we decorated a nearby wild pineapple as is the custom. The first time I typed in 4th July it came up as $th July, probably a more accurate description.

It's a wonderful lunch

Well I thought that it was pretty good, first time in a long time I've been full up on vegetables and not bothered with any added meaty products. Could be the new way ahead and the secret of a healthy, long life.

The laptop's final lap

Breakfast today consisted of cheesy baked potato, water and a Twinkie, then out to the supermarket for further useful food and sanitary supplies and then the expected struggle with American petrol pumps. Devices that work after a while but usually require a certain knack, these ones needed payment in advance, all based on a wild guess and the helpful support of the gas station ground crew. Anyway I'm rolling once again.

All things must pass and the time is coming for this old laptop to take it's final, slow, steady but occasionally stuttering final lap. 100000 miles and numerous photos, social media interactions and worthless blog posts later the death rattle is rising in it's white plastic throat and in a few weeks we'll say farewell and thanks for all the sweet pixels. Hopefully this sad event will take place in the glorious UK which by then will no doubt be back to it's normal, civilised (?) self by then. All stable and sorted out and with a healthy economic future. This is known as baseless optimism running rampant coupled with a high degree of self delusion. 

Anatomy of Disneyland

Actually I've not been there for a number of years but I'm currently on the border like some illegal or refugee, unsure quite what to do next but certain that at some point I must cross over. This appears to be my fate, any day now as sure as the sun shines and the thunderstorms pass over this extended and developing house party that I have deliberately created.

Cars - found items in Florida:

Driving around

Driving around, probably too slowly for the locals, in a big white car, with the air temperature in the nineties and most likely looking like a bit of a dickhead. Pretty much a normal day of it here so far.

After some driving around some more I took a short walk in the blistering heat and came across a Cat Cafe still under construction and a bottle of some kind of heavy duty Baileys additive. I think that says everything.

Iceland v Goliath

Sitting here in the balmy and surreal environs of Florida, warm and slightly uncomfortable as the game unfolded like some strange, quasi, national tragedy. Except for viewers in Scotland and a small corner of the USA who saw it as a direct euphemism for England's plight following last week's disaster of a referendum.  The country can do nothing right at the moment and finding it's proper place in the world now seems to involve a series of painful falls from grace, one after the other.  The thing is this has been happening for many years, slowly, steadily and now it's picking up speed...and that's scary. I take no pleasure whatsoever in watching this unfold. The ineptitude of the ruling class, the fat cats and experts playing out their selfish and in some cases evil roles taking the nation to the that tipping point where our brand (their brand) is a toxic laughing stock across the world. The point of the car crash has arrived and people will get hurt. Scotland needs to get out of this mess now, whatever the cost, whatever friends we have in England, whatever the wonky ideology and daft economics, all that can be ironed out in time. This is the end, beautiful friend, the end (and also the start!).

Plan A

Or is it Plan B? It always was my post referendum plan to get the feck out of the UK for a few weeks until the heat died down and the rioting in the two main parties stopped. The USA seems a strangely safe place in the light of the last few days events back home, apart from the emerging new neighbourhood menace of big birds with long, pointy beaks that is.