Tuesday, February 15, 2022

Nightmare in Dunkin' Donuts

If you've never experienced a full on Dunkin' Donuts nightmare episode then be glad. Of all the sleep induced alternate realities that are out there, this is the worst. There's mostly donut carnage, a sticky mess on the unforgiving tiled floor, lukewarm coffee and staff frozen by trauma and unable to deal with the situation. Customers behave as if in the zombie universe, a place where they have arrived unexpectedly. 

Outside in the car park American police officers are talking to a shifty looking man that they've spreadeagled across the side of a car. He may or may not be packing a pistol, he make of may not be on the run in a stolen vehicle. You just popped in for a hot drink and a muffin, now you're some kind of witness though you saw nothing. You'd like to speak to the manger but he's on the phone. The phone is in the shape of a green and brown plastic palm tree.

Everywhere you turn there's pink icing, on the counter and the stools, splattered across the windows. At least it's not blood or so you think. Paper bags are covered in red letters, you can't make sense of the words they form. The other customers sit silently, actively looking the other way, sipping their shakes and coffee. "Happens all the time" somebody says as a siren blips and another patrol car comes to a halt by the front door, lights flashing. A Latino voice cries out "Pipe down!" Then you wake, in a sweat, your mouth is bone dry. You'd really love a strawberry milkshake right now but it's 3am and you're at home in Scotland.

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