Itsu Collection

For when the Russian tanks are lurking outside Scotmid: As a champion of the finer things in life, I'm always on the lookout for fine things (on a budget). None of that fully explains my small but developing collection of emergency Itsu products. I'm saving them for a rainy day or some kind of "bitter end of things" scenario. They're safe down in the bunker.  The location is of course a secret. 

Hopefully, I'll recognise the second coming when it comes and deploy the atomic Itsu option, as per the Labour Party's ill-considered and makeshift manifesto, "feed your head" etc. Advice from detached posh boys is just what you need in a crisis. I'd imagine Itsu would perform better than Fray Bentos tinned pies in a survival contest, but maybe not as well as a Fortnum and Mason's seasonal picnic hamper.

It's a fragile strategy, I know, but at least it's a demonstration of me thinking ahead, possibly for the first time in my life. Artistic, futile but niche doomsday prepping. There should be enough grub to share, assuming the cigarette riots are quiet and reasonably convivial. 

We'll stay calm and munch away as well as we can, telling tall tales of our survival adventures and doing a series of cryptic cave paintings before some kind of terrible final countdown event falls upon us. A pale sun finally setting on this perverted little patch of ignorant, low level civilisation.

Just don't mention the lack of microwave oven options, though a decent enough Aldi sourced red wine package will also be served in plastic beakers. Goodnight to you all.