Albatross

Apart from being a rather exotic and far away wild bird with a huge wingspan "Albatross" was once a one time frequently quoted Monty Python line, you had of course to be there. Now these poor creatures suffer untimely deaths brought on by inadvertently hoovering up our crap from the world's oceans. A grim indicator of grimness mounting.

Favourite Bridges No1.

Without a train.

With a train.

On the North side of the Forth Railway Bridge and just outside of Inverkeithing stands this massive old iron bridge that belongs to the same era as the world famous bridge itself. I've always liked this "big bridge's wee brother" as it gets on with carrying all of the same traffic but over a far less glamorous crossing - buses and cars bound for the Park and Ride mostly. Recently refurbished it still looks good to me.

Worthwhile dilemmas are probably not worth solving, if they remain as dilemmas then they are more useful (unless life threatening or likely to cause human or financial harm). That's a pretty stupid and trite thing to say you may say but just think about it and then think about what makes life really worthwhile and then take all these thoughts and just allow them to form up into a natural shit storm of a dilemma and then, as if boarding some roller coaster,  go with it and see where it takes you.  All these things are of course optional and to some extent unnecessary but some small dilemmas are worth having if only to funk up ever so slightly any given and otherwise dull day.

I'd also like to thank god in all his forms for today's weather, Marmite, Nandos, fat and icy Coke and geese flying overhead in a haphazard fashion. Thank you.

Proper Photo-blogging

Sun on Easter Sunday. A great excuse to escape the Pope, the Church of England and a load of rubbish films on TV (and doing the garden).

The Water of Leith headed right towards that actual place. 

Stairway to Haymarket apparently.

Reflections (almost).

This sign has been purposely made this way it seems, an in-joke or something clever? I'm reading it horizontally, vertically and backwards and still struggling. It's the same on the other side. Way too sophisticated for the likes of me. A nice day spent (almost) in the centre of Edinburgh today where it turns out  there are some dear green and not too badly littered places, some hidden in plain sight and some that take more effort to discover. It's been the kind of day when I almost wished I had a dog to walk or  decent bicycle to ride and that beer and crisps were available for an easy sale by every park bench or nook and crannie, but then who needs strong drink and salty snacks when you can have wall to wall sunshine and a brisk stroll in it? Keep on Walkin' in the Free World, as you might sing should you have the correct speech impediment to do so.

As I walked out

A fine sight.

It appears that I ate more Chinese food last night than I normally would on any given Friday, there were few if any ill affects and when I regained consciousness this morning this fine sight, a tribute to both Scottish and Chinese engineering greeted me, bathed in the early dawn's rays. What more could you want; I reflected and decided that it would be for someone to pour you a pint that actually went all the way to the top of the glass and not finishing approx. 1 cm from the rim. I am of course too stupid and polite to complain as well being over eager and grateful for any glass of dark beer that comes my way, so it's pointless.

Later in the car wash I pretty much fell asleep thinking about the economy as the engine hummed. How can it be possible for businesses to survive when a highly skillful and effective hand car wash only costs £6 in Dalgety Bay and a 2 and 3 (cutting levels) haircut only costs £5 in Dunfermline?  Meanwhile somewhere else they are giving away three Easter Eggs for a tenner and a (lukewarm) 7 item breakfast in Dobbies is £3.95. Everything is too cheap to be appreciated (apart from football pies) and I for one don't have a clue what to do about it despite all of my academic achievements, life experience and knowledgeable and well wishing friends. Of course I talk to the trees but they don't listen to me. 

Once home and following a pointless tree v human  conversation I took a handy pick axe to the big bump in the ground, effectively levelling it and adding years to the  lives of all parked and passing cars; I'm a bit sore here and there as a result. Then back on line to buy a rain water barrel. The amusement never ends.

Chasing cars

As rain failed to stop after the accident I decided to go out and look at second hand cars. Something that's just not fun, it's an anxiety trip set in a forest of schizoid dark marshmallows where the trees are full of mean monkeys with shiny sharp teeth. OK, maybe not that bad but it's strange walking around cars, sitting in them, looking under the bonnet or in the boot and somehow seeing nothing except that you're making a mental note of cup holders and smells and knowing you're not going to buy this car because despite the conversation you had with the salesman and the fact that you need a new car you really don't much feel like buying one today. There are other ways to buy of course but I'm conditioned by something to go through a long and convoluted process of indecision before finally making a quick impulse buy that gets me something that's not quite what I wanted.

Lawn food and moss killer: The ground must be wet but the grass must be dry for best effect. How can the garden ever reach this perfect state?

Thought for the day...

Goodbye Maundy Thursday

It used to be the day when the sun first shone properly, the day the queen gave away coins and money, kind words  and her healing touch to the poor (those people who according to Jesus will always be with us, he was right). It was the day when pubs and garden centre cafes noticed an unseasonal boom in trade, stale lunches were served, drink was partaken and wild conversations floated on the breeze, homeless and carefree. There was indiscriminate bad behaviour and a certain amount of gay abandon abandoned. Young men would go out and buy tyres or sneak up on their girlfriends and push them over walls or into the bushes.  Pop music played on radios and everybody listened or at least tapped a foot. Old people would natter, occasionally mumble and often complain. Bees buzzed as if they'd just been set free from some winter strong box, all angry and uncoordinated but there were no wasps. None had survived the long journey from China so far; little did we know. Of course at that point we had a Labour Government who knew how to bow down to the Trades Unions, the BBC and the media whilst most Tories lived in the country or Switzerland anonymously. Now we're all older, a bit better of but still working hard on Maundy Thursday because it is sadly no more a holiday. That day must come tomorrow.

Aye Robot

There is something mesmerisingly dull and desperate about April Fools Day, running as it does as an incomplete day from about 8am till noon. Stupid and unfunny spoofs appear on websites and in the news and you wonder who on earth has spent time coming up with Marmite Vaseline or wild tales about Top Gear broadcasters, it's all as unfunny as all those other Daily Mash stories that nobody bothers to share on Facebook - so it has to stop. Next year I'm just going to ignore it altogether and deny any interest in news of current affairs until the afternoon. The other thing that annoys me is that we've lost the term "Gowk" from our vocabulary, when we had that term rolling from our tongues in an avalanche of insults and name calling the day made some sense. Now our language is homogenized and PC so Gowks cannot be named and shamed. A pity really when you consider how many proper blethering Gowks there are out there proudly decked in the colours of all the main political parties. 

All hail

Rather than post something about the topsy turvy weather with it's predictable "going out like a lion on speed" badly behaved behaviour I'd rather just forget about March and I will do so in about 5 hours from now. Instead of that I'm focussing on my favourite pair of boots, the same boots that have taken over from my favourite shoes as favourites. Favourites being things that for no obvious reason you become comfortable with, lazy about using and attached to in a non sexual and undemanding way. Such are these rather sorry and bewildered looking boots. Boots now approaching the end of their career, one spent keeping feet dry and almost comfortable and protected from dog shit, annoying little stones, hot coffee and gravel paths. Bye bye boots (is what'll say to them when the time comes for them to enter the world of future archeology via the blue bin of landfill and a lot of time passing).

Still life with skins

Meanwhile the rain continues, the cats crave attention, a raptor is spotted in the garden and #askpoldark produces some of the funniest tweets I've seen. It's a strange world (not Poldark world but the real world), pleasant in it's own way but always likely to break down when you least expect it and are chronically ill prepared for the shock. The illustration above illustrates by means of photography today's lunch and well balanced diet, as if anybody cared. Later in the still of the evening some cold black pudding and cheese formed into a tight but loosely combined combination caused me to forget my infinite sadness and ridiculous troubles as I seek a solid Mini for under £5k. At least I'm not a member of the Scottish Labour Party.

Offensive

Some may of course find this little vignette offensive but it does in it's own badly drawn way illustrate one of the theological problems that beset us here in these enlightened times - justification by faith alone. It probably applies to a number of spiritual outlooks or sets of behaviours also that span who knows what in the name of organised religion. Please note that in no way I do approve of cocaine use, running over hookers or staring into space whilst holding a cup of coffee (no matter how divine you happen to be). Having said that I just might find the concept of justification by faith and the high handed attitudes that it may cause individuals to display a little offensive but none of that really matters does it?

Ultimate road trip

If they ever build this road (obviously not following these peculiar arcs) it will be the only truly cannonball way from East to West and back again.  Ideally you start from your home port and just batter your way through the undergrowth, pirates, disease and corruption whilst rating roadside cheeseburger quality all the way until you get to New York. Once there the car is sold as a curiosity or scrapped as a liability (or possibly stolen by groupies), then it's straight back across the Atlantic on some relaxing (?) airliner to the UK or whatever it is we call ourselves by that time. Cruise control is certainly a basic requirement regardless of the type of vehicle.

Easyjet Easy Tiger

I started reading this (as above) monumental and painfully awkward new release on a Friday afternoon Easyjet flight, also known as an exercise in quiet pandemonium. Not much clear reading followed. The journey was superficially good humoured enough but featured two Welsh stag parties and one non-specific hen party; in full party swing at 13:00. I'm not sure why selling double vodkas and Red Bull on a flight isn't a crime yet, maybe the Tories will sort that one out or at £11.50 cause the market to crash. Maybe a total police state is called for. In terms of disturbing the usual business flight peace various tactics of harassment and chaos creation were used. In no particular order there's screaming out for no apparent reason, mocking the Scottish accent in what might be a racist or offensive manner, throwing ice cubes, wearing loud clothes, being dressed as a leprechaun, a dozen drunk (jabbering) women holding hands across the aisle, singing in Welsh bass tones and standing up and talking shit in a loud voice, all petty crimes to consider and stamp out. When you consider the grim security regime we all suffer to get on a plane how can it be acceptable to sell drink to a set of already drunk passengers all through an hour long domestic flight? OK, it was all good fun but at times close enough to a tipping point to make a grumpy old git like me to wonder (and envy ever so slightly).

That didn't really work for me

Tonight's tea: Bombay Potatoes.

Music of the birds

Living as we do in the back of beyond there are regular, steady and recurring problems with inter web connection, hi-fi seizure, miscellaneous parking, feline geography, non log fluming, vicarious liability, badly behaved wildlife, dustbin confusion, TV pixelation syndrome, icy heat stroke, irritable laundry, badly bleached and beached mermaids and of course the persistent and sleep depriving pleasure of wild and avantgarde free form indiscriminate birdsong. The only solutions are large amounts of self mockery, spicy foods and alcohol.

Not sure where I've been

Ah, the highlands of lowland Scotland, just west of the the great divide, east of the lesser great Z and south/north of the meticulous and possibly short forrest. So I'm not sure where I've been today or what I've been doing but I think that in simple and unpretentious terms it's all been about...textures.

Beasts of burden

Carry around a big chunk of entitlement: Some time ago I started feeding the birds, occasional and thoughtlessly, long periods of time would pass before I’d replenish the feeders, I was careless. I blew hot and cold and some days I seemed to be feeding squirrels rather than birds. Then we moved house, still in a rural setting and slowly set up a few bird feeders. Due to the aspect of the house, the garden and the location I began to pay more attention to it. A stray robin almost befriended me, I watched the birds and I suppose they watched me. I bought more food, obtained other feeders and silently prided myself that I was attracting birds and feeding them. I felt like some kind of charitable benefactor. I started to feel a little bit of responsibility for the birds and took notice if the feeders ran out. I realised I was becoming a full blown feeder; I couldn’t let these little guys down. I need to keep the food topped up. So where did that come from? That obligation on my part and what I weirdly sensed as their birdy entitlement, I should be feeding them because I could.

Maybe that’s the big problem these grey days, a skewed sense of entitlement. People of my age expect rock solid pensions, superb health care, free buses, discounted holidays, superfast broadband, BBC excellence, global warming to become somehow  beneficial, good behaviour  and apologies from bankers, supermarkets to forever discount, unlimited cheap stuff to be on eBay and respect from those younger, brighter  and more agile. We did our bit. We think this because we think that we’ve worked for it and by a variety of enforced contributions and simply being there we paid for it all so it should be ours. That’s the way of things. It is our right but we also think human rights, religious and political freedoms are OK but only up to the point where they might impact on us and become scary. Nothing too close to the face please, hell is indeed other people. We want the young to work but we stick on our jobs too long and we want politicians to play straight, as if we would do things differently in their shoes, we want peace but we want to be defended. We want the guy in the garden to keep on administering the seed so we can fly about, brainlessly and carelessly and so stay fat and happy. What do you think you’re entitled to? Perhaps we should reflect on this and now and again just buy a few more packs of seeds to toss around.

Spring morning

A cat gets high as spring comes around, clear and gentle.

Tiny eclipse captured

Far away but  in some nearby piece of the universe two bodies lined up for a few brief moments. The clouds of Scotland chose to obscure a large part of this event but from time to time it was visible. I understand that in some parts this is the first time that the sun has been seen since 1999. A whole generation held it's breath. There were rumours of riots, people beating on saucepans with spoons and others tearing their clothes to pieces as the great event passed over and while the sun continued in it's distinguished orbit around our flat and deflated earth. Some built huge plywood screens to hide behind and held their smart phones  up, aimed at the sky as if at some  pop music event, film premier or bus shelter, others just wept openly and shared their fears and various sneering selfies on Facebook. As for the moon, perhaps it will return later this evening. Meanwhile experts are denying that the moon might be the arse side of the sun, that's just an ugly rumour that may have been generated either by UKIP or a breakaway faction within the Catholic Church. As for me, I'm keeping my head down, too many weird objects flying around up there showing no obvious respect for one another.

I wonder

Well that escalated quickly.

I was thinking about easy cover songs to play in an affected way. I think it was due to hearing about Andy Fraser's death the other day. Covering "Alright Now" in some slow, laconic style as a low-fi tribute and a nod to the invisible past. It might be a dirge, it might not but it's always been satisfying to play if you can ignore all the cock-rock urges  brought on by the Paul Rogers hairy hunk  image. Maybe a straight version of Rodriguez's "I Wonder" with some great booming bass and little or no strum, just repeating the first verse and snarling a bit. OK that's not me. Then it's back to the old play it in your sleep "All Along the Watchtower", a classic funeral song if only for it's meaningless lyric mixed with it's challenge and throw away profundity. That's Bob Dylan for you. I do add a few extra chords, smooth the melody and play this rolling lick that only comes to me in the second verse but everybody expects a Hendrix tone or two and that's not going to happen. Maybe it makes no sense, I wonder.

John Wayne

I'd forgotten about John Wayne, here he is sharing cigarettes with Marilyn Dietrich. Things like that happened in the past.  Films seemed to mean something more and the stars were...interesting. Shame that I cant think of a film that either of these folks were in that I still like.

Today's tea was perfect, pasta with cheese, ham and peppers, nicely put together and grilled to perfection. I dished myself up and sprinkled a little salt on top, more out of ritualised habit than taste and habits are hard to break. Unfortunately the top of the salt container was loose and came away at the critical moment covering the dish in a thick, white blizzard of heavy salt crystals. That was that. From cooker to bin in about thirty seconds. My faith in yesterday's Karma Points is shattered, the bank of life drew in my line of credit, ugh! The laundry basket  and the Discovery Channel are calling.