The way they were

From that now foreign, lost and alien Bizzaro Planet world known as the 1970s I give you Frank Zappa + cat + parents in a purple room and Grace Slick + baby China (upside down but unaffected) and her mum.  Be careful how you choose your heroes.

White Audi

After many thousands of miles of European motoring I've come to the conclusion that the most threatening and potentially dangerous car to come across grinning at you via the rear view mirror is the gleaming white Audi. The exact model seems to be of little significance, anything from an A1 to an A6 has to be considered as suspect and treated with caution. It does make me wonder if the buyers and drivers of white Audis are a "type", maybe crazy people you'd probably rather not know; psychopaths, lunatics, football players, members of the Illuminati, the Golden Dawn or UKIP, who knows. Just watch out on the road, there's a lot of them about.

Simpsons v Breaking Bad

Of course it had to happen, such is the grip of the maelstrom of the magnetism of the marvel of the drug induced evil power of the media, religion, art, drama, dharma, the web and sub-popular culture of whatever it is that the genre is. More here.

Another night@the Voodoo Rooms

A good if poignant time was had by all last night in Edinburgh's Voodoo Rooms raising cash for the Maggie's Charity and remembering the growling song-smith that was/is Fraser Drummond. Fraser's music and lifestyle of wisdom and banter lives on with his many friends and family and it was good just to celebrate this with music, songs and chatter - thing's Fraser loved. The music was mainly supplied by Lisa Rigby, Norman Lamont and the Invisible Helpers, Ms Fi and the Lost Head Band and Sam Barber and the Outcasts; all marvellous in their own way. The event was glued together by Jim Igoe and Scott Renton and cemented by the musical skills of John Farrell and the singing of Neil Drummond. Pics by Dave Reilly of course.

Anyone would think they'd never won a raffle prize before.

Cultural Reference Points

"And the winner of the best Someone Else's 60th Birthday Party Fancy Dress Party Costume is Ali Graham!"

So here we are, somewhere at sea, adrift in a blank ocean of grey, foamy and pounding waters, sailing and searching for some cultural reference points that we might discover, adopt and then use to make rough sense and give meaning of our lives. So what enthralling gifts are out there for us to use? Look no further than Game of Thrones, Modern Family, Breaking Bad, the Simpson's and the Borgias - there are all your answers. Their complex narratives, carved out characters, humour, shocking plot twists and the self imposed personification we gratuitously apply allows us to temporarily function and even thrive as we stumble blind and damp from one identity crisis to the next. Who needs a social life, designer drugs and their cruel psychedelic worlds and perceptual confusion when you have Sky+, a full Entertainment Package and hot batteries in your remote? A big comfy couch, a box of red wine, a log fire  and some tray bake also helps. Just make sure you're suitably comatosed when the first few power blackouts occur, the state of emergency is declared and the black start restart package stutters and fails altogether. You'll be fine until the logs and alcohol run out and the vigilantes start pounding on your front door.

Random Art

Welcome to the world of the absurd and the meaningless, the profound and the stripped down guitar body. Anyway I liked the word "GLASS" (in a John Lewis style font) applied to bleached driftwood set into the stones and the weeds. If anybody is remotely interested in what we've been doing over the weekend here's a link http://crispycat-recordings.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/bad-claws-of-small-beast-who-will.html

Interesting Images from Today

After some pre-breakfast tinkering it was time to visit Dobbies for a quick breakfast (two fried eggs formed the breakfast base) watching other oldish people eat breakfast amid the pre-Christmas hysteria. Then we put up the tent and the hanging baskets. The kitchen emporium was just closing and for a short time we queried the sanitary arrangements of the white caravan travellers in their secret location. Then the postman delivered a brace of letters from the SNP as they tried to put their message about their denial of Grangemouth's closure out there somewhere. Then the tale of the cat, the fox and the dog was told. This was followed by a huge Tesco drop of huge beer and soon everything just seemed to fit nicely into the multiple refrigerators - so we sliced up the pizza. Just about then Dunfermline were soundly beaten at least 4 - 0 so I commiserated with myself by peeling a pile of stray potatoes as the asparagus looked on. In no time at all I was watching a film about the blues and jamming along to those rock gods aka Chicken Shack, it's been that kind of day. So goodnight to you all.

Strange Fruit

So is it a Quince that has mutated into a mutant, a sort of XQuince or is it the exotic sounding Asian Pear? The fruit picking jury is out (mostly raking up leaves) on this one and the web, gardening experts and various text books have failed us in the forensic identification process. A fervent pickler could probably pickle them and in the dead of night smuggle them into Big Macs as act of food based terrorism and dietary subversion, that might be useful to the party and the cause. Anyway as surely as eggs are eggs I will go to my grave not knowing the answer to this, the thought of that doesn't really terrify me as I'm pretty sure I'll go to my grave via the good services of the Coop not knowing a shed load of other things. Anyway it's all mildly irritating and a little puzzling; if only they tasted like chicken (as do chickens) - but few fruits do.

This may well have tasted a bit like chicken at one time...

Star Wars - the Weapons

And so it was I learned (and it was no real surprise) that I knew next to nothing about Star Wars weaponry. A poor five out of ten in the Guardian on-line quiz confirmed what I already had realised and accepted deep inside a long time ago; I'm not really much of a geek, more of a movie buffoon. I don't know my Vibro-Ax from my DC-15 Blaster. The quiz presented me with these puzzling names and terms and I just couldn't get it. I thought I was a kind of absent, interested but vague fan, but still a fan. It turns out I'm a true Star Wars dummy. What next then? I'm certainly a food and wine ignoramus, in the heat of such a battle the scores in any test or taste or tempting tongue torture would be...low. Then there's Scottish Football or The Marx Brothers or the greats of jazz, bald blues legends or the forgotten heroes of seventies progressive rock. No chance. I could ramp it up to Air-fix kit base plastic colours ('65 to '69) or long lost chocolate bars, maybe the life and times of Spiderman (up until Steve Ditko left Marvel) or vehicles owned by Keith Richards or the history of the Ford Cougar. I'm sure I'd start pretty well and then, as is the custom, crash and burn violently. Where does all that information go and why can't it settle and just allow itself to be retrieved? Does it all just turn into steam like an old stallion's warm piss on a frosty day? My world knowledge amounts to a bland mix of hard non-scientific facts, trivia, jaundiced and middle aged opinion and “concreted in” prejudices. However I'll console myself with one heart warming thought; I did get about 10 questions right during University Challenge last night.

Meanwhile it turns out that the best country to grow old in is Sweden, then quite predictably Norway, Germany, the Netherlands and of course Canada. The UK comes thirteenth...best not to ask about Afganistan and Tanzania.

Coconut Dance

Cake weekend

The whole weekend was incredibly warm and busy. There were long drives to and fro, grandchildren to feed, football to watch, the days of the "Cycling Kings of Dirt", the zombie graveyard, the cats and the trampolines, the Vines, more Vines, sunshine and tray bakes, swimming and blubbing, saunas and steams, French toast, traffic jams, Lego, universities to visit, chicken nuggets and swans on the fore shore, the Agents of Shield, the Forth Bridge, furniture inspired by Tim Burton, rhubarb crumble and custard, Asian Pears and cakes, many kinds of cake.

Express lane

A helpful little sticker. 

The giant spiders of Stratford Upon Avon. 

The Avon 

Ticket stub art.

Some unpleasant chaos was experienced by many travelling folks today at that lively house of fun aka Birmingham Airport. Apparently FlyBe has reduced  their check in staff here by four souls and a form of human chaos seemed to ensue shortly thereafter. This event was also coupled up with the failure of those naughty machines that you try to check in with (via passports and numbers) and end up swearing at as they stubbornly refuse to give you a boarding pass. Long lines were formed...After some standing in line and people shouting and me running across the airport and puffing and pushing my way through security I made it to my flight with not a lot of time to spare. My only comfort was the tiny plain sticker added to my handmade boarding pass, "Express Lane" it mischievously whispered. I never did find that lane.

Mouse in a jar

I was awoken a 6am this morning by a cat's triumphant meow from the stairway, clearly a mouse had been caught. The mouse was looking pretty healthy and was away from the cat so, after a brief bit of tussling with a jar and paper I caught it and was ready to set it free. The mouse had other ideas and scuttled out of my trap like pocket rocket and disappeared downstairs. "The cat will get him next time" I thought. Sure enough the cat came in a few minutes later and deposited a (very dead) mouse at my feet, of course it was a different mouse.  Cats 1 - Mice 1 : 12+ hours of extra time is currently being played. Ho-hum, maybe if I hadn't stopped to take a photo of the mouse it would have all been so different.

A brief selection

The grapes of (not wrath) the borders. 

An everyday  doorway in Dundee.

Indie the dog in Aberdeen. 

Yet another project in the making.

So here we are with a brief selection of photos that completely fail to cover the many and various activities we got up to this weekend. Busy as usual with many more miles on the clock, takeaways eaten,  wine quaffed, dogs walked, sketching lessons given, ice cream eaten and parks and shops and houses visited in the unexpected and warm September sunshine.  Now I need to sleep it all off...till next weekend.

Before I shoot the crow

Blond on blond on battered and bruised.

I get some strange satisfaction and inner validation from sanding down old, worn and badly painted Strat bodies in order to expose the wood finish that's hidden below (I've said this many times). I also like to connect with the wood; something primal and positive about working with natural materials and so on. Every so often a decent instrument emerges kicking and screaming from the life affirming dust and smoke. Having said this and posted that it's now time to shoot the crow...

Desktop Gifs

Perhaps you're one of the lucky few who doesn't save random .gif files to their desktop. If so then you won't understand the problem of what you do with these fleeting, peripheral, temporary and ultimately boring moving images (other than post them on your blog), they really mean something for at least a few seconds. Just another waste of the great and bloated Internet and all that stuff I suppose.

Neurodiversity and me

A few problem people from my past.

Neurodiversity is a term that is used to refer to a range of conditions such as those along the Autism spectrum (ie Autism, Asperger's Syndrome), Attention Deficit Disorders (ADHD/ADD), Dyslexia, Dyspraxia, Dyscalculia. People with neurodiverse conditions have a different way of processing information, whether this is written or spoken language, visual imagery, understanding body language, facial expressions or tone of voice. It may also be about how someone interprets and makes sense of visual and spatial information i.e. the world.

Many neurodiverse people still remain undiagnosed, despite a better understanding of these conditions. Neurodiverse conditions will manifest differently in different people, and there are often overlaps in some of the symptoms. For a description of each of the conditions, err...go online somewhere.
So just like anyone else, people with neurodiverse conditions have strengths and difficulties, which will manifest themselves at times. Although there will be differences in each individual, some of the strengths and difficulties which may be displayed in life are set out below, so how do I do in this (?):

Strengths (Yes meaning I have this)

enthusiasm, creativity and originality - yes
accuracy - no
a good eye for detail  - yes
reliability, conscientiousness and persistence - yes
an excellent memory for facts and figures -yes
high levels of concentration - no
lateral thinking, seeing the "whole picture" - yes
high levels of technical ability, e.g. in IT – err…no
the ability to thrive in a structured, well-organised work environment - no

Difficulties (Yes meaning I have this)

short-term memory - yes
difficulties in following instructions or keeping up with oral discussions - yes
maintaining concentration –yes
organisation, prioritising, time management - no
cluttered desks, filing problems – yes
reading, writing and spelling – yes
coordination, e.g. typing or handwriting –yes
communication problems - yes
judging distance, time etc - no
over or under-sensitivity to touch, light, temperature, noise - no

End Result? - inconclusive but there are a few significant signs.

Things of little consequence

Funny how good it feels to strip the paint and gunk from an old black Stratocaster body with a power tool and slowly reveal the wood grain hidden underneath it all.  I found it strangely satisfying pruning it all back but there still remains a lot of work to be done to get the body ready for a natural finish and some pyrographical nonsense.  All day at work I was looking forward to doing this job, getting lung fulls of dust, filthy clothes and sore hands and arms - before the pleasant reveal of the wood pattern.

 Grandaddy Volvo officially reached old-timer status last night somewhere between Aberdeen and Fife as we rolled past 100k fairly effortlessly, presumably we were going downhill rapidly at the time. This must be where the motoring Alzheimer's and general confusion kicks in. Note the dashboard photo was taken once I'd pulled up back home. This is my 4th 100k moment in a row.

Not everything is perfect

How can something work really well but still be imperfect? This is the best Partscaster home-built/Ebay/AxeRus/Gumtree sourced player to come from the production line so far but...it has a bad earth somewhere and the wiring isn't quite right so the coil tap is out of phase (which gives it a great set of tones) and it pickup buzzes just occasionally but apart from that it's...perfect. The trouble is if I ever manage to fix it may well become...imperfect.

Conflict and worship

OK then it never did happen but here's two odd things coming together; possible conflict anyone?

There are so many conflicting and crazy ideologies out there at constant at odds with each other, some take an almost perverse delight in seeing themselves as completely correct in their understanding of god (in theology) and what he/she might require from his/her creation. Once in a while I wonder how, if I was god I'd want to be worshiped, what do gods really like and what might they expect? Here's a few options, none of which really make sense:

The lukewarm singing of religious songs accompanied by pipe organ.
A violent terrorist act that blows up innocent people and other folk's property.
Mad dancing followed by group sex and some ritualistic violence.
An oil painting of my (God's) crucifixion.
Dressing up elephants with paint, jewels and cloth and marching them down the street.
Invading somebody else's country, laying waste to it, enslaving the people and then ruling them.
Building big buildings and filling them full of gold.
Sitting in a pile of dung silently meditating.
Praying like mad for everything in the world only occasionally pausing to say thank you.
Trembling uncontrollably.
Not cutting your hair or fingernails or shaving.
Wearing your best clothes as a mark of respect.
Not having sex.
Having lots of sex.
Flagellation (self or otherwise).
Strumming an acoustic guitar and singing Hallelujah.
Covering your body with dye.
Never eating meat.
Carving images and idols in stone (or in wickerwork).
Doing everything that the scriptures tell you even when you don't understand.
Passing a % of your income to the church.
Denying yourself the things you might like because that's what god expects.
Subjugating women.
Casting spells and uttering curses.
Persecuting those who disagree with you.
Cutting yourself and bleeding.
Sacrificing animals.
Sacrificing people.

Hmm..the list could go on but frankly if I was any kind of god, even a pretty stupid one, I don't think that any of this mindless stuff would tickle me.