Thumb rules

It's much easier and safer to start a conversation with "I have heard" rather than "I believe". You have an easy escape route and don't necessarily offer any obvious sign of investing too much in the actual topic or any of the risky, potential fallout. Stay safe everyone, be vague, remain uncommitted and don't rip your trousers on that nail on the fence. Your future may depend on it. This is the basic rule of thumb for broadcasters and (some) journalists but can be successfully applied to all walks of life. Also never say "I understand" that's a ticking time bomb of a remark that has the subtle effect of association, the potential to support and the dripping, crawling consequence of nagging guilt. Careless talk costs lives.

Anyway, aside from puerile tips on crucial conversations and how to avoid social embarrassment I'm reminded that this came out about 44 years ago, almost to the second. Everything else is gone but the building is still intact, in fact it may well have been spruced up.

Graphic found

Lo and behold. After moaning in the previous post about not being able to find a relevant graphic up pops one. OK perhaps it's not wholly accurate, I don't really know much about the extent of the Tory's current bribery strategy when compared to EU payments or anything else but it's suitably passive-aggressive enough I'd say.

Slow puncture

Monday morning reflection: Politics and religion are all about control. Nothing else really. Give way and you're trapped. Get yourself born into whatever regime and your stuck. You relinquish your freedom without any conscious choice. Rebellion is tough, extrication seems impossible. The iron grip holds you down and you are stuck in a loop of unplanned consequences and trouble. A spiteful and damaging dysfunctional relationship running in every direction. You might think that they (?) "mean well" but they don't, that's the biggest lie. 

Somebody on Gogglebox described Theresa May as a slow puncture of a person. We all see her deflate in a tortured and slow motion picture, a human disaster unable to stop itself, another link in an ongoing chain of donkey brained and stubborn leadership, virtually sub human as it's woeful behaviour betrays any worthy humanity. A limp and impotent  caricature of poor judgment and disillusion. Ugh! Then there's the rest of them, politicians and priests ... This is Monday and there's no single picture I can think of ugly enough to go with this post. Frank Zappa once said that there's no musical chord dirty or distorted enough to describe the establishment. I'll leave it there.

How to be a man

The new international toilet sign for "men" has been chosen. No doubt the competition was stiff but we have a winner. Looking somewhat like a football hovering over a toilet pan it is apparently representative of how men actually are these days. No arms or feet, just a large pot/beery belly on top of a single trouser leg. Meanwhile an empty head (?) floats above with no obvious connection to the body. Pretty much sums up where we all are these days. I for one aspire to this rakish look and will be working towards achieving it (a bit) by altering both my body shape and life style to suit. Tesco toilets everywhere, the ill fitted and misunderstood men of Scotland salute you. Oh, wait a minute, we can't as we have no arms or hands. Tough.

P.S. There is a female version of this but I have chosen not to photograph it or comment on it for obvious reasons. Not my place really.

Perpetual Storms of Jupiter

When the universe decides to do art then you just have to let it get on with it. PSoJ might be a good band or album name...

Downside up

I'm pleased with this photo. A clear rip-off from the Beach Boy's Holland album cover except set in Scotland on a balmy February day and no attached music. The gulls make it for me, desperately swimming along, bold in black and white, on the ceiling as it were. Nothing is what it seems.

Doors

A selection of slightly odd, aged, rusty, misshapen doors from my visit to Pittenweem. The ones with the bottom "barrier" pieces are interesting I suppose as these are sea front buildings, I assume that this is a basic form of flood/high tide protection. Being so close to the waterfront everything is weathered and rusty, any paint or refurbishment work will only last so long before the elements start to eat away again at the surfaces. Don't park a car out there for too long either.

When I was about fifteen I read "The doors of perception" and "Heaven and Hell" by Aldous Huxley*. I didn't really understand much of either's very short content (really just lengthy articles) but I did understand that there was a doorway of sorts within the conscious mind that, for most people remained closed for all of their life. Religions, chants, sparkly bright items and meditation might open those doors, a chink of light might get through but there always was a more direct route. That direct route does however contain numerous risks and hazards but people will go that way anyway, often without any guidance or advice as to how it might be once you cross over. In life experience remains the best but the most costly teacher. Understanding yourself and having a little grounding are good things to have achieved before you turn any strange door handles. I'm going the long way round in saying that I like doors and doorways, highly symbolic, highly significant things that also mark boundaries and provide security, oh and keep out drafts. So I enjoyed this wee set of pictures, there were so many odd doors to see and capture, so many thresholds I'll never cross, work for another day and another time. 

*I also didn't know then that the Doors (a once serious minded little rock band) took their name from the book title.

Pittenweem Daily Photo

A small fishing boat chugs back into harbour.

Upside down harbour reflections on a glorious February day.

A warm but watery sun scrapes across the sky.

Rocks ooze green slime and tired sea weed in the lazy sunshine.

Another (bit of a) day spent working down in the East Neuk. Not too many visitors, just the local fishermen and builders going about their business. All strangely calm and peaceful, a healthy antidote to life's noise and the media irritations broadcast and suffered regularly elsewhere ... no phone signal in other words.

Powerful stuff

I'm not on Facebook all that often for all the obvious reasons however when I visited there today this image caught my eye so I've shamelessly harvested it because, whilst I'd rather it didn't have to exist and I know it cannot possibly cover all relevant situations and occurrences, it's a clever and effective graphic. Make what you will of it. The sad fact regarding this type of work is that it's unlikely to be seen or acted upon by those in power (of whatever kind) who most need to see it and react. Meanwhile we (the conflicted, affected and less powerful) can only shake our heads and perhaps boycott and/or grumble at the injustice, complexity and hypocrisy that we are all bound up in.

Lost signs

Fading away into history, manufacturing and trading concepts that seem hard to imagine today. Probably over 100 years old, hand painted onto the brickwork. The mills have gone, the looms and weaving machines are silent museum pieces. The people have gone too, the skills, the hard work, the illness and exploitation,  gone but replaced with other troubles in modern forms. Factories torn down or turned into highly modified flats and awkward homes ... but these gable ended bricks remain, stubborn on an empty old office building with no current use or purpose other than posting an historical footnote.

The earth dies freezing

Hoof marks from the Great Siberian Sabre Toothed Goat caught up in the remains of a melting ice flow recovered near the coast  where the sea and the land meet down by Pittenweem.

Moving on from Global Warming: The world will end not because of fire, fury and pestilence but because of the constant debate and argument centred around and by who/where in the world the best Spaghetti Bolognese is built or churned up. Turns out it's not even Italian, though Italians can take the credit for the invention. There's a lot of unreliable history and unreliable pasta and there's meat and sauce issues all unresolved. Tagliatelle gets the blame for the distortion of the base pasta, some say spaghetti some say tagliatelle. Then the controversy rages over ground beef or whole beef, cooked to destruction with various herbs and wines but always mushrooms. So battle lines have been drawn, it's everybody's (?) favourite meal but the variations and the developments spark fierce loyalties and strange beliefs. In my view it's just food but if the world must end over some thing ...

It was here, in Putney that the whole thing began, not sure who exactly is responsible.

Caturday

Saturday / Caturday on Twitter. Due to the mild weather these guys actually ventured out into the wild. Well they followed us around in the garden for about twenty minutes, inspecting their occasional domain. That was enough, now they're back in their safer, warmer kingdom. A place they control and feel safe in, no squawking birds, squirrels, other cats and strange noises from the bushes. Just the odd visitor attempting photography and disturbing their feline dreams. Caturday.

Solution to pollution

Topical local news story: A major beach clean up operation is in progress at Limekilns, Fife. A mysterious (?) oil spillage has ruined a large part of the beach area and sea front. Heavy and extensive works are under way to remove contaminated sand and seaweed and to restore the once (reasonably) clean shoreline. Much of the often busy seafront, car parks and walkway areas are cordoned off whilst work is carried out. At the moment there's no unpleasant smell, no dead fish or injured seabirds, just a few puzzled onlookers and workers decked out in PPI and Hi-Viz. Hopefully a hefty fine awaits the culprit.

Roads at night

Last night on the Queensferry Crossing headed horth, hardly any traffic, usual futile looking roadworks, supermoon obscured by clouds, lights and lines.

Mermaids

Accurate drawings of actual mermaid sightings recently made in the North East. Probably something to do with the unseasonably mild weather. (Unseasonably appears to be a viable spell check alternative to unseasonal albeit neither of these words look quite right to me.)

Lost in the clouds

Waited patiently for the lights to change. Heard the news today, oh boy. Did a little work, cut back the garden undergrowth, a little. Then the rain started. Then I got temporarily caught in an electronic loop. Ate some odd snacky things. Ironed Trousers. Failed miserably to check my phone every twelve minutes. This is now the UK and industry standard and all loyal subjects of the Queen and Facebook are required to do this; except me. So I'm disappointed. Failed on eBay by a narrow margin. I understood the chance of precipitation today to be around 23% but that figure was clearly wrong or just made up by somebody. 

Snowdrops

Twas International Snowdrop Day all across the Lothians today. We celebrated by taking a short walk in their homeland. Now I know all sorts of things about snowdrops. The most important thing being that snowdrops, despite their innocent looks are full of a horrible poison. Never eat them either in a salad or in soup, they might look tasty but they are dangerous. Apart from that walking close beside a clump of them is actually quite safe and relaxing if you take proper precautions i.e. don't be tempted to eat any. They are not natural to these islands either so technically are invaders and an alien species. Follow the countryside code at all times and you'll be fine.

Life is sweet

Whisky flavoured chocolate sweets from something called a "pop up" shop. What a time to be alive.

Fitzcarraldo

For some inexplicable reason I seem to be having a bit of a Fitzcarraldo day. Not quite sure what to do with it other than go with the flow. It kind of opened up by chance via a random Twitter post. See how easily I'm led astray? The good thing is that it should pass shortly. The bad thing is that it will pass shortly. It's that kind of madness. No doubt tomorrow will bring something else in it's place, I just hope it's not tinnitus. 

Photographs of food

Here's your 24 hour warning. An alert for a red alert. Some good taste that's described with bad taste. A simple click and an upload and it's done. The dirtiest deed of the century, blogged and digested on Instagram and all the rest. Social medicine, settles the stomach, easy on the eyes, gives bragging rights, stakes and claims, maybe steaks and clamsge. All to get likes and shares and hopefully generate a healthy level of envy. Is envy healthy? Is aspiration wrong? Are all our appetites now feebly exhausted so as to allow us just struggle on by the strength of will and memory. Only hungry people go to food banks. Only people who've been hungry donate to food banks. Half the world is hungry, the other half are taking photographs of their meals. Photographs they'll never look back on but they've been uploaded now and live forever in  vault in California.

I have to put these things out of my mind. I have to find a balance. I can't help where I find myself. Luck and chance have placed me here. The messiah of food, drink and various complications. I'll survive, I know how to follow. That's what we do best. Hear no evil, eat no evil, donate what you can when you can. That's the three wise primates for you. I'm going for white meat now, things that look sustainable, no farting cows or bull's cheeks or wild things pulled dead from some shooting moor. No exotic birds eggs or insects. I'm saying that now but I'm easily tempted. I can resist anything except the things I aspire to. They get me every time. I'm a wounded buffalo really, that's my explanation, my soul was tainted and now I'm trapped in the deja vu of a loop of deja vu about something that might have happened in past.

OK, there will be consequences, but they'll be sweet and in the morning, I'll be a better, more reasonable man. I may have a slightly upset tummy though.