Things turned...

Things turned ugly and shitty sure enough. We drove home in the tail end of the storm. Got stuck in a sneaky flood, did a huge amount of damage to the car and both got pretty scared and covered in various kinds of shit. In the car and coolly up to our chilly middles in water was no picnic but we were quickly rescued by local youths on a quad bike. Young people can be fun believe me,  despite their menacing headlights and good intentions. By the time we emerged from the muddy waters it was midnight and more disasters were to come. These can be summed up by using the general term "natural disasters" and words like "flood" "mud" "torrent" "collapse" "danger" "debris" "water" "electricity" "landslip" and so on. I got home at 2 a.m. and we were back out on patrol and awaiting rescue at 7 a.m. It was that kind of day. The road remains closed for good reasons. Now we're having a nap.

Festival day out

There's a bit of  festival on in Edinburgh, our local big city, hub of employment, capital for government and cultural magnet of sorts. I'd allowed myself a brief outing in the non-gay sense. Day's out in Edinburgh usually revolve around a free bus trip, looking excitedly out of the bus windows and alighting in the West End and coming to terms with the ruthless city traffic. 

We had lunch at some trendy burger joint, we ate in the sunny street at the least wobbly table No.26. We chose chicken so we appeared greener than the red meat people surrounding us all covered in red meat. The sun shone and the "large" wines were served in a tumbler. I ate chips and mayo and knew I'd now had enough food for the rest of the day. It's that easy in Edinburgh.

Then we attended a writer's course where we (about a dozen wheeze) learned how to write all over again. My utterances were few, my writings fewer but I had some quiet, internal fun and a beetroot and chocolate brownie. I decided that I might be boring at times despite my best efforts not to be.

Then it was Taiko drum theatre time. The Beat Girls danced and pranced and thumped the skins. The performance was solid but the audio was thin and weedy due to the tented location. Now I have a certificate in clearly hearing clearer I can say that sort of thing. Back to bricks and mortar next year please.

More wondering, bumping into people, watching people, avoiding people and admiring fast food from a safe distance. Looking for a seat. Finding a seat. Realizing the seat wasn't really as good or useful as you hoped. Into the book festival's rainy and sodden inner sanctum. Celebs abound, they're signing piles of books and chatting and smiling. Writing can be hard work when it's not being rewarding and esoteric. Then the storm broke upon us all and we fizzled into a hushed submission, no power, no hope. I learned power cuts are new to the book people, they were bereft of plans and solutions so we remained in the dark. Eventually some things happened. Soon we were on a rainy bus home and a mild sense of panic arose within me on that crowded vehicle filled with ex-festival revellers. At the time I couldn't explain and didn't try. Things looked to be to be turning ugly and shitty for us and I wasn't wrong, they quickly did. 

Specsavers

A day out in Specsavers: It's like some mysterious fantasy location where tunnels lurk beyond the high street entrance, like an escape room or laser quest setting, stairs, doors, tiny rooms, people peering in, people peering out, people peering into devices. Here in Specsavers there's a lot of peering. I'd not been back for over two years, I'd ignored emails and letters, the pleasant if irritating reminders that your time's up, you're an old git and you need some fresh testing and they need fresh money. I decided to make a return visit after I realized that I'd left a pair of specs in a cafe in Dundee and couldn't be arsed to go back and get them, my laziness led to my submission and maybe my salvation. 

I'm not excited about glasses at all so I have to work on looking a) interested and b) not wholly stupid. The friendly and mostly female staff jostle around like Oopa-Loompas, prompted and controlled by i.Pads that seem to know everything. It's not clear how it all works and who's a doctor, a nurse or a techy but they all get on with it and chat constantly. Were I a conspiracy theorist I might be worried about the amount of cleavage the female opticians show but I'll leave it there. I was quickly checked, photographed, temporarily blinded, puffed by tiny jets of air, followed those damn peripheral dots, read along the lines of wobbly text and, by exception had my hearing tested also. I got good results, despite staring at the sun for long periods and squinting into phones and laptops my sight has not really deteriorated, just my mind. My hearing was OK too, quite a surprise. I may well return to my once brilliant career in music.

 As a reward I was rewarded a handsome discount on any glasses over £69 (no discount on the cheaper ones, you can always go to Poundland you miserable bastard), once I'd picked a pair, the first pair I saw incidentally, the discount kicked in, I got them for £34. I don't understand this either. So now the Oompa-Loompas are busy grinding the glass and topping up the chocolate river to complete my order. Now when Tuesday comes I'll be fitted out with the £34 glasses as if they were a morning suit, a robotic arm or a coffin. I'm excited already. 

Abbey Road @50

It was 50 years ago today that the infamous Beatles album cover shot was taken outside Abbey Road studios on the zebra crossing. People are gathering by the crossing today for numerous strange, understandable and personal reasons.  It's only just past 10am. Every other person using the crossing is being photographed by a friend or one of numerous camera crews on the scene. I've never visited Abbey Road but it must be tough to use the crossing and somehow not try to walk like Paul McCartney in some suddenly self conscious way.

Healthy

Recommended by the kings of Scottish Hip Hop, TV chefs and knowledgeable family members; Greek yogurt, blueberry, honey, milk and oats breakfasting creations that you make yourself and then eat yourself. Cooled and matured in the fridge and ready for any eventuality. A snack that brings peace to a troubled world and calms those inner unnamed demons that stalk the dark places of early morning hunger (assuming you fall fowl of this sort of thing). Edgy in some ways, ancient and traditional in others and better for you than haggis and fried egg on a morning roll. That's it.

From California to Cardenden

Immigration: A touchy subject for people who are touchy about touchy stuff but strangely some people actually want to live here and they are not all crazy. They're not trying to colonize us, convert us to some Jesus thing, exploit our natural (?) assets or undermine our culture, they're not trying to find some European roots or family history, not all need to be rescued either. They just like it here. We do friendly things, we have parks, bowling clubs and swimming pools, houses are affordable, there's public transport and some reasonable places to eat, the NHS. The weather may be odd but it's not extreme. Plain, unpretentious towns are OK, tourists don't really stray into these parts, there's a sort of peace even if you have to turn a blind eye now and then. You can go to California but you can also come back.

Various

Various interesting cat portrait poses demonstrating the versatility of a cat and cats in general. 

Hawkwind visit SQ

This one is a bit too weird.

A version of something

A peculiar and unfaithful rendering of South Queensferry discovered (and reflected) in an antique barn near to Dundee. It is a poor representation of this bizarre and slightly challenging piece. To be honest I don't know what to make of it but that would of course apply to about any artwork I might stumble upon. A final verdict may well reveal itself via my tortured alien subconscious some time in what you time-locked humans describe as "the future".

Dear Purveyors

Somewhere over those troubled waters there is a convenient and well rendered bridge.

Dear Purveyors of technology,

Firstly thank you for your hard work, imagination and resolve. Much of what you do makes the world a far better place: health, food supply, hygiene, medicine, communications, transport, convenience  etc. Above is a simple example of how a hand painted  artwork image can be saved and shared; wonderful stuff and it works thanks to your efforts. BUT!

Of course there has to be a but, a niggle, a bug bear, unintended consequences, impacts and trouble. The thing is that things (?) seem to always need upgrades and updates and well that's when all the wobbles begin. 

"It was all working fine until I had to install the updates. Now it's working BUT it's not the same, now I can't do ________ , there's no longer the option to _______ , the screen freezes when I ________ , the resolution has changed to _______ , I've lost the ability to ________, the upgrade can't be done on my older operating system so I'll have to ________ , it's broken now but it was fine yesterday before the _________."

Thanks to an upgrade my (otherwise fine) laptop has to be exchanged, three days work has been affected, a new one has to be couriered up from London, I've to stay home for the delivery, I'll have to reconfigure it over the phone via the help-desk, the old laptop will be binned. I'll never get those three days back. Hmm. Most progress is good, some not so good. 

As you are the smart guys and I'm just a humble user, please fix this.

Best regards

A well wisher.

Plant based

Plant based, plant baste, plant boast, plant bias, planet based, pant based, paint bias, plane based, place base, plant beige, plan based, place bias, plant bland, planet beige, plant placed coffee. It tastes OK, it's cool in a cold way, almonds are hard to detect, coffee flavour is bland, it's sold in supermarkets. Not sure who buys it. People like me I guess but do they do it regularly? Does anybody every say "I could murder a nice, cool, plant based, almond, vegan coffee?"

Isn't all coffee plant based or am I missing something (like cow's milk)?

Thundery downpours

Maybe it's global warming, maybe it's in between. We're obsessed with the weather, the gift that keeps on giving, the everyday phenomenon that makes or breaks our day. Cancelling plans, staying indoors, buying salads, wrapping up in tinfoil and scarves. Skidding and sliding and flooding and burning. Famine and hardship, holidays and parades. Animals and birds migrate in new directions, fish follow strange, fresh currents and we drown in new puddles. Anybody would think that the earth had had enough of us and was simply trying to wipe the planet clean (just like the Bible said). Hmm.

No direction home

Empty, broken down and being towed backwards. A simple open top, branded bus as far as I can see. A perfect illustration of something relevant to who knows what? Let's all just stand by as this tragedy passes our way inflicting on us whatever the universe deems appropriate. What is it with buses anyway?

There be dragons

Risk

As I walked out on the hottest day of the year: Sign in the local graveyard (well nearly local). Let's play Twister, let's play Risk. I'm fine with that but I will not be entering any ruined or dilapidated buildings. 

Large Ginger

Large Ginger Cat, wood, fur and random materials.

West Lothian Daily Photo

Hot, humid, sultry, dry, sweaty, summer, July, coffee, flat white, caravan coffee, signs, signs that mislead, signs that confuse, visitors, space and paths, small rises, woodland, gravestones, gibberish, heat, walking, talking, swans and ducks, cake, water, reeds, metal, iron, stone, follow the map, follow the crowd, ignore the crowd, follow the signs, the signs are wrong, there is art, artists, workshop, not really welcome, these are for others, tourists and punters, locals removed, roads bumpy, no signs, no direction, no direction home, trouble, plinths, reminders, peace, Zen chimes, water in bottles, no boats, we follow and escape but plan to return, on our own terms, to beat the paths again.

Golden time

Quite enjoying the quickly gleaned memories from seeing the Victoria Crowe retrospective in the City Arts Centre in Edinburgh. Here's one.

Buy before you try

The label said "Nitro Americano nitrogen infused coffee", sounds intriguing or something like that, the promise of the real. Turns out to be not so good, strange bitter black coffee with a beery head which I presume to be the effect of the nitrogen. Of course like any true scientist I drank the lot despite my increasing sense of dread and ultimate doom in the pit of my stomach. Then of course nothing actually happened. No big kick, no rush or high, no visible signs of either aging or regressing. No clear and godlike super thoughts or euphoria. Just that normal and almost comforting feeling of consumer disappointment. Nitro, you broke a promise you didn't actually ever make.

Game of Thrones is over

Anyway here's an early shot of Daenerys Targaryen and Tyrion Lannister taken from the 1942 original Broadway stage version. I guess the recent remake was OK but they've still got some work to do to catch up. As usual the measure of the production values gives it away.