Memories of burned pies

                        

We're currently operating under kitchen duress and below our normal standards with a less than perfect gas oven that refuses to be regulated. It's old and broken.  Everything ultimately burns up, the only two working settings being on and off. Like some solar giant spewing erratic streams of fire it's slowly dying and it's unpredictable. We've learned the hard way that gently heating things up as opposed to cooking them requires precise timing and calculation ... in other words it's impossible. 

Having said that most items that emerge from the oven are pretty much edible, there's just that element of danger and uncertainty about how things will turn out. You need to remain very observant and alert during the process. The good news is that our new oven is on the way (via Singapore and the Suez Canal or somewhere), all subject to Covid sorting itself out and various other 2021 shaped imponderables. 

We have decided against a new B&Q oven and the matching kitchen units for obvious reasons.

Yesterday's beer/tomorrow's coffee

Using the term "beer" rather loosely as this is actually porter, darker, thicker and a bit more bitter to the tiny taste buds on the human tongue. I was wondering how it might taste to an animal, say an octopus or a kangaroo. That's a piece of research I've not heard about nor have I seen any of the results. Nice enough tasting for me though. 

To sum up: I was out of doors then I went into a shop. Once inside I saw this beer on display and bought a couple of bottles. Then I returned to the outside world and gulped a few lung fulls of fresh air and then I went home (still quietly gulping air using my automatic breathing function). Eventually I drank some of the beer, as pictured. By this time I had removed my face mask. The bottles will be recycled. 

On line people were asking me questions about coffee, mostly  Nespresso, as if I cared. Posh tiny metallic pods of coffee that they like to pretend rich folks enjoy, apparently I should try them too. Not sure about that. It's a broken model in my opinion. It also requires some investment in a possibly corrupt coffee distribution infrastructure that I'm not ready for.  How was your day?

POMPLAMOOSE - Bby Shrk

This is not becoming a habit but ... It's pretty easy to fill the vacant white space with somebody else's content. Anything goes in the gnawing emptiness of a polluted and lost soul; searching, reaching out and finding validation in vapid social media nonsense.

Shameless opportunism and laziness etc. That's show business (there's no business like it you know). 

But it's a sunny morning, My mind is elsewhere. Good Friday even. 

So there's a high chance good things might even happen on such a day, though not much can top human sacrifice, crucifixion and an ultimate work of redemption for all mankind; unless it's a sizeable and chunky chocolate Easter egg gift.

Pop goes the fire cairn

I've no clear idea what's going on here, some arty kind of thing I suppose. An artist looks to have been involved. Piling up stones and composing. 

I'm not really connected with that world at all - composing using stones.

But it's all quite interesting. 

The installation took place down by Dunbar. A town on the east coast (the opposite of the west coast) where unsurprisingly the land and sea connect, complete with jagged edges. As a result they have some cliffs and beaches that look quite tricky to access. No bad thing. Keeps the zoomers out. 

The old furniture burned quite well. 

Eventually the tide will extinguish the fire, I imagine.

That may be a metaphor for something.

On April 1st I keep my head down for reasons of temporal humour.

Message ends.

5 for a Fiver

I'm not sure what I was thinking, a fairly common experience for me. I'd been watching a YouTube snippet of Terry Reid performing at Glastonbury in 1971 and was also idly reading a little about his musical career, or his lack of a career you might say. A nearly man who seemed to miss out on one opportunity after another but is still going (?) strong  somewhere in the music business, in quasi obscurity. He was always highly regarded by the press and his peers but lacked that magical edge the others had. Wrong places, wrong times, who knows? So despite a decent voice and a quirky kind of talent he remained a ghostly figure during rock's golden years when the rest were cashing in. Now he's old and grizzly, like me.

Then into my irregular Amazon feed came a daft offer; five of his albums in a box (I don't mind CDs either) for a fiver. I agreed to make the transaction. That was a few weeks ago. I'm now trying to decide at what point I give them a listen, perhaps on some future longish car journey when Radio 4 isn't interesting. I'm procrastinating. 

History is repeating itself here, I'm sure back in 1971/72 I saw Terry on the Old Grey Whistle Test playing songs from "The River". Bob Harris was very enthusiastic about the album. I meant to give it a listen, but I never did. It all just floated away, for me and about a million others I guess. We moved on silently. Now I find myself in the same place. When will I ever get round to listening to Terry Reid? Deja Vu.

Your Theological Questions Answered

So is jealousy a sin?

Jealousy falls under the tenth commandment - do not covet. Jealousy is the noun that relates to the state of being jealous: “feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages; inclined to or troubled by suspicions or fears of rivalry, unfaithfulness.”

Is God a jealous God?

"Do not worship any other god, for the LORD, whose name is Jealous, is a jealous God. Exodus 34:14.

In Exodus 20:5, when God commands that His people worship no other gods, He acknowledges it is because “I, the Lord your God, am a jealous God". So he's pretty much admitting it.

Scholars might say, God isn't so much jealous, he's just zealous ... hmm.

(The old "lost in the translation from the Hebrew/Greek/whatever" explanation).

I think God's jealous and therefore, on balance, he's a sinner. And a pretty big cosmic one.

He's a Boogie Man.

That explains a lot.

It's not a firm base on which to build a religion either.

Nobody cares anyway.

Gateway to Disruption

 

From a Scottish perspective: I'm quite enjoying the SNP's shock and outrage that "somebody else" should have the temerity to start up other political party focused on delivering an independent Scotland (whatever you may feel about that as a goal). The Alba Party and the ISP (there may be others) have a perfect right to exist and to mount any challenge over key issues they feel strongly about. (I'm ignoring personalities here).

That was how I thought democracy worked. It's certainly how disruption works. It's also a taster as to how the political landscape might look post independence. It's going to be pretty toxic out there.

Turns out not everyone thinks it's a good idea to have more choice or more voices puffing and spouting into the ether. I'm thinking that with all the finger wagging, high energy rhetoric and spitting taking place ... media types, journalists, spads and politicians need to remember that they really don't own anything. Not even their self generated hot air.

At best they might construct a policy, perhaps even deliver on a policy. At worst they are just mouth pieces and influencers; positively or negatively or quietly ignored. So don't believe a word - or at least very little of what's blethered, boasted and leaked until something tangible is produced.

Social Commentary

For those with severe unicorn envy I can only say, please don't try to be something you cant quite be (to the point that you become a danger to yourself or slightly delusional ). In due course the universe will reward you. I'm not sure with what though.

-------------------------------------------------------

Also:

I realised properly today that most adults eventually become "Collies". They want to put disorder into some kind of order. It's a powerful urge. A group of youths moving down the street or across a car park seem to pose a threat. Why? Because they move randomly, they'll stop without warning. They chat, shout, behave in an unpredictable manner, maybe turn round suddenly and head off in the opposite direction, like sheep. 

Adults see this disjointed and illogical behaviour as dangerous. It's not, it's just kids moving around,  making noise, having fun, being; without having the burden of purpose and timing in what they do. Adults quickly forget this and need to create order. They (we) often judge kids too harshly, expecting them to act like adults when they are not.

I'd also add that kids are obviously not angels, things can escalate quickly in groups (adults are also prone erratic actions - big time) and get out of hand. The trick is to know when the tipping point occurs, then you might have turn on the sheep dog (Collie) instinct and authority .... or turn a blind eye. 

Bot Conversations

 

Some recently composed examples of the dialect spoken (and typed) in Botland. A slightly wild place that's  just over there, nearby in the distance. Even though I don't speak the language it all makes perfect sense to me. In time I plan to make peace with the natives and establish diplomatically harmonious relations. I don't intend to fall into the trap of playing at colonial conquests either, an attractive though inhuman objective. Then again I may just ignore them, as you would noisy neighbours who have some other good qualities. 

Unnecessary Things

The tracks of my tears and personal data: 

All those sadly redundant cables that live in the darkness of our drawers and cupboards. Throwbacks to old equipment and connections, a multitude of ways of doing things in non standard ways that were standard once. The different ideas of joined up thinking and disjointed disposable devices. A competition that was hard to win because there was no finish line, just a vanishing point. The odd lost socks of electronics. 

All before the days of the blue toothless, wireless and whatever else that was less and could be under engineered. Progress doesn't care about anything, except for seeing it's own dust in the rear view mirror. Now it's hard to part with these dinosaur bones and so they languish. You never know, they all might come in handy one day. Just not anytime soon. 

Just another Twitter blocking

Keep your enemies close they say. Well these guys aren't my actual enemies, they just get right up my nose and I cant be bothered with them, so if they happen (via a sponsored link no less) to appear uninvited in my feed I feel obliged to push the block button. There are better things to read and/or ignore.

Numerous other organisations and bots have felt the weight of my mighty index finger in this way, sending these irritating accounts to Room 101. Blocking Gov.uk was a particularly pleasing little moment. Also quite nice to zap those stupid click bait accounts that pop up like early morning lawn mushrooms, those and banking adverts.  It's one of my few chances in life to be some sort of digital hitman, delivering a humane form of judgement and retribution ... quietly.

There are of course some baddies that I tolerate, if only to see what bollox they are peddling or purely for some feeble entertainment and shock factor. There is always the vague hope that they will in some way blow up in flames whilst I'm watching. Social media is just a primitive and destructive visual lottery of chaos.

Other Bricks, Other Walls

Late to the party? Every other day it's something's 50th anniversary. That's a useless fact. The culture of eternal replay is strong right now, grainy clips championed on YouTube and boxed sets with extensive notes and "tell all up to a point" books. So many memorable things happened about 50 years ago, most of which I've failed to remember until some active Tweeter or digital journalist reminds me by posting a brief celebratory message. Mostly along the lines of "they're not quite dead yet!" The product parade duly follows. 

I imagine older folks being jolted out of their surgical couches and spilling their porridge as yet another King Crimson, Pink Floyd, football (when it was good), punk, movies or motoring milestone is mentioned, or even worse the lives of our Royal Family or some (golden) TV series are given the hallowed retrospective treatment. For these icons, a certain age of being creates opportunities for sanctification, redemption and revenue; so many grizzled heroes stuck or lost in the woolly mists of the past seeking a final fling of revival and explanation. 

Of course I completely understand the need to keep things alive and despite myself still grudgingly support these odd activities, apart from those feckin' Royals.

Funny how trying to understand the past seems quite important, even the quietly irrelevant and trivial parts, as if that knowledge,  once acquired, would somehow help us to fix the present and make safe the more scary aspects of the future. All very unrealistic in it's analogue splendor, but an occasional quick dip into nostalgia's unheated pool can be refreshing. The past is OK but it's no place to live.

Drone Orchestra

These quasi-silent, singleton, single tone musical works in all their avant-garde splendor are easy to access and enjoy; music lover and friend we're whispering into your being's very core. 

Listen carefully as we broadcast directly to your inner ear, somewhere above the plane of a dog whistle and below the hum of your age induced tinnitus and in between your cynical outlook on the arts. 

The sweet spot in other words.

You will probably hear nothing but you will definitely experience something. 

Money back guarantee if 100% complete, soul filling, over powering aural pleasure is not experienced (up to a point). 

Regular music is so overrated.

The Modern Interior

 

"One fine day, subject to the will of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, we may well all live comfortably indoors, agog and aghast and surrounded by some unexpectedly stylish and fashionable furniture of one kind or another. We have no doubt that it will all be fully functional, compact and bijou. Remember, we have your inner peace and satisfaction firmly in our mind. So thank you kindly for the enquiry, your call is appreciated and will be returned nearer the time once more sign up information becomes available."

Paid Promotion

 

Don't be fooled by this sweet's lack of bulk and size. A tiny assassin. A proper mini marathon. It's a sugar micro-monster. A peanut creme hydrogen bomb. Crack cocaine in a shrunken chocolate and peanut butter engineered sandwich. Deadly. Available in some world bashing, badly laid out supermarket near you where you can park safely under the cover of your soul's dead darkness (access is possible provided you wear the appropriate cartoon themed face covering, sanitize your sweaty palms and use a contact-less bank card), 10 for £2.00, or just name your price in the ransom note. You will thank me (or the confectionery cartel) later. 

Unknown Tracks

 

This is our "correct" and inoffensive logo, used briefly when we were worried about the yellow "IS" logo being confused with Islamic State, what with us being a high profile global phenomenon and everything. So playing it safe we adopted the two asterisks to avoid any abhorrent connections or confusion. We've effectively remained under the radar ever since. 😉

The weird yellow/green tone was my fault. A result of skills fade, clumsy execution (?)  and stupidity. We've since moved onward and backward to the former IS idea. I suppose the ** logo will be a collectors item some day.  Follow that on eBay if you will. In the mean time here's our radical radio channel too.

That time we forgot to make memories

From my non-existent diary - Day numpty numpth of existential lock-down, quiet unrest  and a general background of pandemic pandemonium paranoia. 

Urgently required but not urgently sought after: 

A haircut. An appointment with an optician. Family time.  People inside your house that you've invited to be there. A pint of dark beer served at room temperature in a regular kind of pub without any fuss or awkwardness. A day out in the hills. A wee jaunt on a bus. Fresh coffee and scones in a cafe with a wooden table but without wooden staff. Driving 100 miles. Some sort of low key, low maintenance, low level social life. Dog walks. A second vaccination.

I'm actually pretty lucky.

Ora Good Cat

 

Please excuse me if I just indulge myself a little. I've stumbled upon and enjoyed a brief and fleeting moment of auto design and technical ecstasy. The reality is that it's not all that great an overall package but it's cute and looks fun.

It's electric powered, Chinese made and currently unavailable in European markets (as you might expect), but what's not to like about the Great Wall Car Company's stylish little EV (Electric Vehicle), the "Ora Good Cat". It is not and never will be a Tesla beater but at least it's entered into the competition. I also love the fat exclamation mark badge on the bonnet. That in itself is no reason to buy such a car, or is it?

P.S. They also make an SUV called the "Haval Big Dog". Trim level model names all equate to dog breeds i.e. Labrador, Border Collie and so on.

(In ten years time we'll all be driving Chinese made vehicles, unless there is a war.)

Welcome to your future

 

"Those air-conditioned bright canteens". 

It's a bit like how you'd imagine entering the afterlife to be. You arrive to find yourself in a well spaced line made up of an assortment of silent figures, all staring ahead into the near distance. Some smart, some casual, some wrapped up in warm coats. Nobody is in any hurry as they enter the clinically neat building and are checked in, all in an orderly fashion.  It's V-Day, and V only means vaccination these days. Clearly we're not dead yet.

An unused pavilion on the Royal Highland Showground site in Edinburgh is the location of our well mannered local Covid vaccination centre. There won't be a Highland Show with cattle and restless natives until the rules well and truly relax. The weeds and ongoing airport hire car disposals are the only things thriving. I was there about a month ago to successfully receive my first, easily absorbed dose, a big step on the road back to normality we're told. Except that's not quite how it's going to be. No.

I'll return perhaps in May for a booster with another slew of shuffling pensioners but I suspect that won't be the end of it. Mass vaccinations are here to stay for the foreseeable future, as the virus mutates and people misbehave and travel. We're all human now and needy, suddenly fragile and prone to a disease that has no respect for our virtual reality and finely imagined ways of being. 

These are the new rules as to how life will be lived, with our vax record passports, more subtle mask designs and curious forms of safe distancing. We'll be visiting the revolving doors of this unloved Telly Tubby bunker to take our health preserving dose of soon to be obsolete science for some time to come. Buckle up.

Damage to a Statue

Deep Dreams and Modulations: Wordlessly watching we wait by the window and decide that if some alien god wanted guitars to sound like organs then they would be  keyboard driven instead of being stringed instruments and they would not try to fly through these dark, thick sonic clouds that are even now gathering above our own very thick heads.

In other news: I've just changed my regular font as a result of a humorous little item that I saw on the TV show "Would I lie to you?" That is how easily I'm led and why I am not and never will be any sort of influencer on social media.

I wonder who made up the version of history we were taught. There are some obvious gaps and omissions. Perhaps they've something terrible to hide. 😉 The dark past of colonial extravagance and cruelty? What sort of person just goes outside and damages an innocent and obviously immobile statue anyway?