Good Advice

Some framed up good advice found in a public place in a public space and I'm sure that it's been duly observed and taken seriously many times by now. Proper cows and dairy farm workers everywhere are of course eternally grateful. Somehow though the core message doesn't quite flow as was intended.

As it's summer time in Scotland (?) with all the exotic and esoteric fuss and colour that summer here suggests,  I'm now going easy on myself and maintaining seasonally adjusted low levels of creativity and commitment to things in general. In a nutshell nothing has really changed. If I really enjoyed beer I'd be enjoying one right now but instead I'm having coffee time elevenses with no added anything. Here's another goofy thing I pulled from a wall.

Early Dawn of the Mushrooms

We're growing mushrooms now. There's a special space in the garage that's not a garage. Still at the early stages and so no deadly spores yet. It's a new hobby. This variety is known as "The Bishop's big bag of Hula-Hoops". Very tasty when fried up I'm told. Above is a few days ago, image below was taken yesterdayish.

Creepy

 

Creepy images from a sunny visit to West Lothian's Jupiter Artland. It's been a while since my last visit and a lot has been developed and changed. There's a fair bit of walking involved in seeing all the new material and displays but I enjoyed it. The rain stayed in the distance for a change. Plenty of photo friendly material and sharp back grounds too. You can tell the Insta and Tick-Tock faithful easily, all hanging out in sharp clothes and bare feet, posing and shooting scenes in these unique spaces. All very entertaining.

Cat Controls

Where did it all go wrong? Two thirds of the local cat population have decided that the kitchen work tops are an essential part of their territory if they happen to be chasing flies, or even just observing them at a safe distance. Clearly this cannot stand ... (in the immortal words of the Dude). In the morning I'll be sending them a strongly worded memo about the household's standards of behaviour and hygiene expected from felines.

Fried Eggs Without Crinkly Bottoms

Making fried eggs with crinkly, crispy bottoms is something I cannot do. I didn't really realise that many people like the crinkly bottom and that chefs take pride in preparing them this way. I thought that crispy, brown fried eggs were just over cooked. Turns out I was wrong. It's quite the thing with the experts on YouTube and Tock-Tick (or Toxic as some might say). Now I quite fancy one but just can't make it, the oil is not hot enough apparently and I can't cross that line without getting the rattlesnake wrist shakes. I think it's an OCD boundaries problem but I can stir fry chicken and veg so it doesn't make sense. 

Moving on from that here is this years arrangement of "summer" logs in the seasonally prepared fire place. Lit up and glowing but not a flame or any proper heat source is involved in the static display piece. Emergency (proper) logs are currently on order as we prepare our back up stocks for the up and coming Hundred Years War part two.

Future Diaries

This strange message has just been released from the team of monitors monitoring the cult known as "Palace of Forever": 

"I was unusually close to partaking in the red and green delights of the "all you might consider eating" salad bar when a mild but noticeable electrical current passed through me from an unknown source. Everything thereafter was blank except for the timely arrival of a rescue dog sniffing through the rubble. The weather has been somewhat unstable lately with alien activity reported and low cloud (Ground Level +3.5). Those may have been contributing factors." 

"I'm quite confident that a good night's sleep at home in bed will repair any physical damage although my phone is reluctant to switch itself back on and the lawnmower seems to blocked up with milk chocolate. There's a peculiar odour in the air that I can't quite place. The sequence of highly destructive images (above) were freely taken from a door bell camera across the street that was somehow pointing in the wrong direction. I write this unsure of what to do when I awake tomorrow, as I imagine you may well be also, dear reader."  - Message Ends.

Hosepipe at the End of the World

Here it is, not remote or far away but still beyond your reach. The single water pipe from which all of the H2O in the universe flows: and it's attached to a solitary tap which we control. Are we simply drunk with power? Yes, very much so, but however this goes, whatever the unintended consequences, let it be known that we mean no harm. 

Can't Explain

Self analysis can be either really good or a completely delusional waste of time or maybe not anything at all. So despite my ongoing serious misgivings about modern politics etc. I do feel better (?) now that the election is over and a new regime is in place. I hated the Tory churn of incompetent governments, maybe in hating them it affected me more that I knew, like some mystery disease stealing away peace of mind and clarity of thought, or living with a maniac hiding in your house. Perhaps that's an exaggeration, I don't know but they're gone for the time being. 

So I didn't vote for Labour but they won with a lot of odd numbers, a low turnout and some peculiar patterns of voting but I don't feel bad at all. Even if they make an arse of it, and they will in some areas, humans always do, for the moment it seems like some fresh and intelligent adults have walked into the room and are trying to renovate and redecorate it in a sensible way. I can't explain ... but it's not love, more like relief.

South Queensferry Daily Photo

(Library Photo).

Who'd Vote For This?

Life is good. That's a generalization I know but it's how I prefer to think of things. Mostly good but it could be better and we need to ensure we don't go backwards and yes, this country has been going backwards politically and also regressing economically and socially for a few years. Maybe today is the election day when some of the rot can be stopped. If you're voting and you sense any kind of red flag (and not the socialist kind) with a candidate then don't vote for them. We need decent people to run our stuff, making good laws, giving hope and support, just being kind even. None of that should be too much to expect from our politicians. Sadly it's not been the case recently so let's vote sensibly and get the bad cnuts out and replace them with better, capable and honest people. We'll see how it goes ... voting for the least worst is also acceptable, that's what I'll be doing.

Our little bit of greenery in the UK is important to us but meanwhile much of the world is on fire in a blaze that's unlikely to go out by itself.

Big Bum Wipe

Always a pleasant surprise to open up a plain and pedestrian brown cardboard box only to be stunned by the bright, radioactive, technicolour blaze of a set of neatly wrapped toilet rolls in regimented rows there inside. It seem's their main mission is to save an otherwise doomed race from itself, one big bum wipe at a time. It'd be nice if things were only that simple.

When We Dream We Sleep

Goat's milk salted locust chocolates, celestial money, a pack of playing cards, a metallic cigar stump, fake but nonetheless real red wine from a 1960's movie set and tiny fallen stars of Martian gold adorn God's favourite coffee table as he puts his feet up to watch the latest episode of "Idiots Abroad" on Planet Earth TV (with surround sound and omnipresent effects). 

The question is will you or perhaps a close friend or a familiar politician be the star of the show tonight? If you can (and it's not simple) you should tune in and see what's on offer. Maybe you've got other, better things to do.

Sometimes, and just for his own personal comfort and satisfaction, or so he says, God wears Himmler's black leather coat. He likes the dark image reflected back in a full length mirror. The shiny badges and insignia look cool to him. Some appetites can consume a person, particularly if you're alone for too long. There's real danger here. Use your vote wisely on the 4th.

Watching the Detectorists

Some nice fake post carded book cover types of art work here. Just fits so sympathetically well with the vibe of the TV series. Not sure who did it all but mucho kudos, admiration and credit.

The post title is (obviously) a slight play on "Watching the Detectives", a song by Elvis Costello. I did wonder that after five and a half thousand posts or so and twenty odd years of this, had I used this title before? I may well have but I can't be bothered to even check. What goes around etc.

Friendly Game

East Fife v Dunfermline: Bayview by Methil. A preseason friendly with decent pies. In the shadow of Largo Law and wind turbines, not quite picturesque but a nice backdrop. Well we were shit and lower division East Fife played us off the pitch. After the "early exit" Scotland experienced in the Euros it's tricky to maintain any kind of upbeat view on our local version of Scottish football. Negative play, a lack of player passion, repeating the same mistakes and so giving a sense that we don't really learn from the past and that we are somehow incapable of breaking out of this cycle. Maybe we just can't hack astro turf. Maybe this is as good as it gets for this generation, no more jumpers for goal posts etc.

For Dunfermline it's just the same approach that didn't get us anywhere last season other than feebly surviving in the league. I'd rather watch my team get beat 4 - 3 than 1 - 0. Fans need to feel that their team is capable of having a go despite the outcome. Players need to be free to play an attacking and entertaining game regardless of the consequences and managers should own that and take risks. OK, careful what you wish for but after the Scotland debacle and what looks to be a similar ongoing struggle for Dunfermline I know what I'd rather watch. 

A Light From The Past

As our house is built upon the remains of an ancient megalithic complex and a possible administrative hub, one that the archaeological establishment doesn't want you to know about ( it's that early human (?) advanced civilization that was wiped out 13000 years ago by the great flood and so on), well we're cherishing and protecting their ghosts and interests. In tribute we designed the Velux window in our kitchen roof to be fully lit up by the nearly setting sun on the evening of the Summer Solstice.

It just about works, we may have been a few days out in our calculations but in fairness we're not really an advanced civilization like those people before us (they probably came over from Atlantis). Maths and astronomy are not my strong points, just boiling eggs and cutting hedges really. We might have to do some re-orientating of things for next summer's events and then just watch the ancient magic happen.

Dunkable

Mostly this blog is seriously devoted to matters of real and intense intellectual significance; gaining philosophical insights, exploring deep spiritual truths, butchering the high arts, providing local music news and reviews, finely balanced arguments and explanations on anything, observing the spurious wonders of human nature and emerging attitudes across silos of popular opinion, absurd commentary, research into time travel fraud, seeking justice and explanation for the lowly Scots whilst taking a strong stance against tin pot politicians and hypocritical public figures. All of this and more, but I also like to review any passing biscuits from time to time, as pictured above. These Nutella offerings are OK: tasty and oddly enough quite dunkable.

A Short Space of Time

I'll be there in a Jiffy bag.

I was absent from school on the day they introduced the addition of fractions and I never did catch up.

I missed the bus that you were already on.

A moment.

Take a moment.

Leave a moment.

If I'd booked the table in advance we wouldn't be sitting here.

KY 2016

As my family roots are in the East of Fife I'm always interested in looking into the history of Scottish steam drifters from the early part of the last century. Many of my old relatives were involved in fishing, boat building, engineering and fish processing within the East Neuk and sometimes beyond. So this snippet about KY* 2016 "Sovereign" skippered by John Barclay in 1874 was good to find. Also of note is that the Receiver of Wrecks is a Mr Keay. Both of those names are pretty significant in my family history (obviously) so I presume that as they are from what were then very small communities; Cellardyke and Anstruther (or thereabouts) they must be relatives of mine. In my family timeline 1874 would mean that they were "great" relations (grand fathers, uncles etc.)

*KY means registered in Kirkcaldy, all the boats had registered numbers as well as names.

Cunning Stunts

 George the cat has come up with a cunning plan for catching birds.

Catatonic Squirrel

I spent about two hours yesterday observing this squirrel that appeared to be pinned against a wall, frozen still, high up, near to the top of the building next door. Not a place where squirrels usually hang out. At first I actually thought it was one of our cats, it was making a meow kind of sound. Then it stopped meowing and the animal seemed to just zone out and freeze while clinging onto the wall. Was it in distress, stuck, trapped, injured? I don't know but after a while it just moved across to the top of the drainpipe and hung there for a bit. Then, whilst I was not looking it must've returned to earth. It was seen running across a nearby garden looking healthy and normal. I've seen many squirrels do lots of things (mostly attacking bird feeders) but I've not seen this peculiar frozen behaviour before. Answers and expert views on a postcard please ...