Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Ancient Egypt was not cold

impossible songs

impossible songs

It was so cold this morning that I nearly cried, I was chipping ice from cars and pouring warm water over their frozen locks. This is not a civilised way to be. It makes you understand why life began in the Middle East or the bosom of Africa or Cyprus or some other where that is warm. Temperature is important for growth and welfare. Some crazy misfits must have migrated to Scotland, driven away by their lords and tyrants, rulers who couldn't put up with their constant jabbering, their incomplete personal hygiene and their ability to do nothing for long periods of time. We here in Caledonia are those people from that lost and unkempt African tribe. Mind you we did in the process escape from a somewhat bizarre set of cultural and religious beliefs. Unfortunately whilst on the long road out of Egypt we came up with a few daft pagan ideas ourselves, these morphed into Christianity, the Masonic Lodge and Conservatism which thanks to Dickens, Henry Ford and Spike Milligan have turned into the absurd spiritual systems and political practices we tolerate today. Frying pans and fires I suppose. As William Wallace once said when asked about the cancelled football fixtures "If it was not so cold in Scotland we'd have invented cold and exported it all across the world before selling out to the Japanese". It's a gift really and you can get all these facts on a novelty tea-towel at our local petrol station.

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