Sunday, June 10, 2012

Three o'clock shadow

I don't mind the shape I'm in.
Every afternoon there is a three o'clock moment. Today was no exception. Out in the wide open spaces here and there in Fife, the sun peacefully on my back with no young 'uns to consider.  It was nice. As we got home I reflected on the moment and the past  and picked up on a list of random things that you might, as a new parent suddenly find yourself doing (grandparents may also do them from time to time but with a little less relish and more regret):

Here's the list.
  1. Butter a piece of toast while peeing.
  2. Brush someone's teeth against their will.
  3. Blow on food while it's in someone else's mouth.
  4. Help someone else blow on food while it's in someone else's mouth.
  5. Eat food that's fallen out of someone else's mouth.
  6. Eat food you found on the floor.
  7. Eat food you found on the mantle.
  8. Eat a sweet you found in a shoe.
  9. Turn on the TV at 5am.
  10. Wipe somebody's nose with your bare hand.
  11. Let somebody barf in your bare hand.
  12. Eat baby food.
  13. Blame a fart on a child.
  14. Blame a child's fart on your spouse.
  15. Get someone dressed while you're in the shower.
  16. Pass out from blowing up a kiddie pool/balloon.
  17. Cut up a grape.
  18. Almost agree to cut up a raisin.
  19. Pretend to enjoy the flavour of a prune.
  20. Ask someone why their hair smells like yogurt.
  21. Ask someone why their hair smells like your antiperspirant.
  22. Put someone else's toenail clippings in your pocket.
  23. Let someone watch you crap while they stare blankly eating an iced lolly.
  24. Have someone think you're amazing at frisbee/football/drawing.

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