Move over darling

Ode to a plastic cow (Atom Heart Mother tribute):

With your plastic udders and plastic ass,

Above the septic tanks on sewage fed grass,

I doubted your existence but had to ask,

Were you sent  from Switzerland for this task?

Because for a real cow you'll never pass,

You're not even plastic, just cheap fibreglass.

This real plastic/fibreglass cow can be seen in an imaginary field at Loch Leven's Larder any day from 0930 - 1730, weather permitting. Advance booking is not always necessary.