Home Improvement

Skoosh!

I was reading somewhere that Vlad (the Impaler) Putin now has a "Disinfection Tunnel" at his building's entrance that all his visitors must pass through. I presume this is to deal with viruses and germs and not thoughts of counter revolution or computer bugs. I'm thinking that this device has to be the next step in home improvement and neighborhood one-upmanship. 

Popping by for a coffee and a chat? Delivering and installing some white goods? Simply step through the highly affordable Everest/B&Q/Amstrad/Wickes tunnel first and you'll be good to go. Latte or flat white? Gin and tonic and Pringles? Fears of Covid 19 infection? Not a problem. As installed in Moscow (The Kremlin), Washington DC, Trump Tower NYC and the Mar-a-Lago Resort and Country Club.

So fuck off with your bolted on conservatories, your pigs in shit hot tubs, decking, patios and your extensive collection of PVC windows and doors. Get up to speed and keep in good health with a handy and affordable disinfection tunnel. Terms and conditions apply.

Translation: Available for immediate delivery, easy terms. Full and safe Russian Mafia design service and finance package, variable APR 125% (variable upwards).