Amateur Agony Aunt

 Number one in what is probably quite a short series:

No.

The Hessler Nowik Liminal Conundrum

What does it all mean? New album of original music and soundscapes from Cloudland Blue Quartet, hear it here. There's a lot going on in the process of creation and naming of this album that I just can't explain. Please click onto the Bandcamp link above and all (?) might be revealed or you may well still remain somewhat confused. It's a great title anyway and I had a small amount of input by coming up with the original artwork (somewhat modified for the final product).

Live and Almost Dangerous

Happening tonight at the Leith Dockers Club in Edinburgh, from 8pm. Capital models are playing live. Free entry, reasonably priced booze and some pretty fine, eclectic electric music for the heart, mind and soul. You can dance if you want to.

South Queensferry Daily Photo

It's 1400 at the Dharma Cafe and it has only four cinnamon buns and two sandwiches left to sell - will they be sold before closing time? Everything is up in the air as the contractors arrive to dig into the cobbles. Would you rather have three corgis or three kittens to look after? Wrong answers only. The weeds are getting out of control according to experts and residents. Somebody, about whom we know nothing, appears to have fallen over in our garden and then escaped, hopefully none the worse. Many consider the repairs to the pier to be a bit of an unfinished project. After a while people don't think that queuing for ice cream on a chilly afternoon isn't a strange thing to be doing. Elsewhere the stonemasons have finished their dusty tasks so now it's over to the painters to paint. For others sitting outside Orocco Pier on a metal seat with a pint of beer isn't really a good look, hardly Parisian chic or Barcelona style but it's all that's available to us here. Never actually done it myself. There was no cruise ship in yesterday so the bagpipers are unemployed again. Meanwhile in the garden of earthly delights we give the peas a chance and observe the alien mutants in the undergrowth.

Mini George

Big George meets Mini George, his ceramic doppelganger. Mini George is not so active and demanding as his larger double and needs a lot less attention. George, the big one, should really have been called Steve, as in Steve McQueen. He is the great escape artist in our clutch of cats. Up and over hedges, fences, gates and then getting stuck in precarious spots apparently in need of urgent rescue ... then not.

How it Started

A sequence of events and another how it started v how it all resulted in tragedy post: and in the end quite obviously summing up how it's all not really going so well in the here and now. The unintentional consequences of tampering with things that should be tamper proof but aren't. Illicit tampering changes lives and history to the point where you just can't get as comfortable as you'd like on your own version of some random but tasteful (pink?) couch anymore. We are all hapless victims as far as AI is concerned ...

South Queensferry From Above

A bit of somebody's Queensferry garden viewed from above as HMS Queen Elizabeth sails by, somewhere over to the left where there is a significant body of water and available tug support. The sun is determined to mostly stay behind clouds at the moment hence the deep sense of gloom amongst the green. We've no control over this. Black and white cat detail added for scale and orientation.

Rum cake (also from above). It was very kindly given to us by someone fairly recently, this year most likely. It came in a tin, all the way from the Western Isles of Scotlandshire and turned out to be rather crumbly and also rather good. Thank you, great cake benefactor.

Good Advice

Some framed up good advice found in a public place in a public space and I'm sure that it's been duly observed and taken seriously many times by now. Proper cows and dairy farm workers everywhere are of course eternally grateful. Somehow though the core message doesn't quite flow as was intended.

As it's summer time in Scotland (?) with all the exotic and esoteric fuss and colour that summer here suggests,  I'm now going easy on myself and maintaining seasonally adjusted low levels of creativity and commitment to things in general. In a nutshell nothing has really changed. If I really enjoyed beer I'd be enjoying one right now but instead I'm having coffee time elevenses with no added anything. Here's another goofy thing I pulled from a wall.

Early Dawn of the Mushrooms

We're growing mushrooms now. There's a special space in the garage that's not a garage. Still at the early stages and so no deadly spores yet. It's a new hobby. This variety is known as "The Bishop's big bag of Hula-Hoops". Very tasty when fried up I'm told. Above is a few days ago, image below was taken yesterdayish.

Creepy

 

Creepy images from a sunny visit to West Lothian's Jupiter Artland. It's been a while since my last visit and a lot has been developed and changed. There's a fair bit of walking involved in seeing all the new material and displays but I enjoyed it. The rain stayed in the distance for a change. Plenty of photo friendly material and sharp back grounds too. You can tell the Insta and Tick-Tock faithful easily, all hanging out in sharp clothes and bare feet, posing and shooting scenes in these unique spaces. All very entertaining.

Cat Controls

Where did it all go wrong? Two thirds of the local cat population have decided that the kitchen work tops are an essential part of their territory if they happen to be chasing flies, or even just observing them at a safe distance. Clearly this cannot stand ... (in the immortal words of the Dude). In the morning I'll be sending them a strongly worded memo about the household's standards of behaviour and hygiene expected from felines.

Fried Eggs Without Crinkly Bottoms

Making fried eggs with crinkly, crispy bottoms is something I cannot do. I didn't really realise that many people like the crinkly bottom and that chefs take pride in preparing them this way. I thought that crispy, brown fried eggs were just over cooked. Turns out I was wrong. It's quite the thing with the experts on YouTube and Tock-Tick (or Toxic as some might say). Now I quite fancy one but just can't make it, the oil is not hot enough apparently and I can't cross that line without getting the rattlesnake wrist shakes. I think it's an OCD boundaries problem but I can stir fry chicken and veg so it doesn't make sense. 

Moving on from that here is this years arrangement of "summer" logs in the seasonally prepared fire place. Lit up and glowing but not a flame or any proper heat source is involved in the static display piece. Emergency (proper) logs are currently on order as we prepare our back up stocks for the up and coming Hundred Years War part two.

Future Diaries

This strange message has just been released from the team of monitors monitoring the cult known as "Palace of Forever": 

"I was unusually close to partaking in the red and green delights of the "all you might consider eating" salad bar when a mild but noticeable electrical current passed through me from an unknown source. Everything thereafter was blank except for the timely arrival of a rescue dog sniffing through the rubble. The weather has been somewhat unstable lately with alien activity reported and low cloud (Ground Level +3.5). Those may have been contributing factors." 

"I'm quite confident that a good night's sleep at home in bed will repair any physical damage although my phone is reluctant to switch itself back on and the lawnmower seems to blocked up with milk chocolate. There's a peculiar odour in the air that I can't quite place. The sequence of highly destructive images (above) were freely taken from a door bell camera across the street that was somehow pointing in the wrong direction. I write this unsure of what to do when I awake tomorrow, as I imagine you may well be also, dear reader."  - Message Ends.

Hosepipe at the End of the World

Here it is, not remote or far away but still beyond your reach. The single water pipe from which all of the H2O in the universe flows: and it's attached to a solitary tap which we control. Are we simply drunk with power? Yes, very much so, but however this goes, whatever the unintended consequences, let it be known that we mean no harm. 

Can't Explain

Self analysis can be either really good or a completely delusional waste of time or maybe not anything at all. So despite my ongoing serious misgivings about modern politics etc. I do feel better (?) now that the election is over and a new regime is in place. I hated the Tory churn of incompetent governments, maybe in hating them it affected me more that I knew, like some mystery disease stealing away peace of mind and clarity of thought, or living with a maniac hiding in your house. Perhaps that's an exaggeration, I don't know but they're gone for the time being. 

So I didn't vote for Labour but they won with a lot of odd numbers, a low turnout and some peculiar patterns of voting but I don't feel bad at all. Even if they make an arse of it, and they will in some areas, humans always do, for the moment it seems like some fresh and intelligent adults have walked into the room and are trying to renovate and redecorate it in a sensible way. I can't explain ... but it's not love, more like relief.

South Queensferry Daily Photo

(Library Photo).

Who'd Vote For This?

Life is good. That's a generalization I know but it's how I prefer to think of things. Mostly good but it could be better and we need to ensure we don't go backwards and yes, this country has been going backwards politically and also regressing economically and socially for a few years. Maybe today is the election day when some of the rot can be stopped. If you're voting and you sense any kind of red flag (and not the socialist kind) with a candidate then don't vote for them. We need decent people to run our stuff, making good laws, giving hope and support, just being kind even. None of that should be too much to expect from our politicians. Sadly it's not been the case recently so let's vote sensibly and get the bad cnuts out and replace them with better, capable and honest people. We'll see how it goes ... voting for the least worst is also acceptable, that's what I'll be doing.

Our little bit of greenery in the UK is important to us but meanwhile much of the world is on fire in a blaze that's unlikely to go out by itself.

Big Bum Wipe

Always a pleasant surprise to open up a plain and pedestrian brown cardboard box only to be stunned by the bright, radioactive, technicolour blaze of a set of neatly wrapped toilet rolls in regimented rows there inside. It seem's their main mission is to save an otherwise doomed race from itself, one big bum wipe at a time. It'd be nice if things were only that simple.

When We Dream We Sleep

Goat's milk salted locust chocolates, celestial money, a pack of playing cards, a metallic cigar stump, fake but nonetheless real red wine from a 1960's movie set and tiny fallen stars of Martian gold adorn God's favourite coffee table as he puts his feet up to watch the latest episode of "Idiots Abroad" on Planet Earth TV (with surround sound and omnipresent effects). 

The question is will you or perhaps a close friend or a familiar politician be the star of the show tonight? If you can (and it's not simple) you should tune in and see what's on offer. Maybe you've got other, better things to do.

Sometimes, and just for his own personal comfort and satisfaction, or so he says, God wears Himmler's black leather coat. He likes the dark image reflected back in a full length mirror. The shiny badges and insignia look cool to him. Some appetites can consume a person, particularly if you're alone for too long. There's real danger here. Use your vote wisely on the 4th.

Watching the Detectorists

Some nice fake post carded book cover types of art work here. Just fits so sympathetically well with the vibe of the TV series. Not sure who did it all but mucho kudos, admiration and credit.

The post title is (obviously) a slight play on "Watching the Detectives", a song by Elvis Costello. I did wonder that after five and a half thousand posts or so and twenty odd years of this, had I used this title before? I may well have but I can't be bothered to even check. What goes around etc.