A Short Space of Time

I'll be there in a Jiffy bag.

I was absent from school on the day they introduced the addition of fractions and I never did catch up.

I missed the bus that you were already on.

A moment.

Take a moment.

Leave a moment.

If I'd booked the table in advance we wouldn't be sitting here.

KY 2016

As my family roots are in the East of Fife I'm always interested in looking into the history of Scottish steam drifters from the early part of the last century. Many of my old relatives were involved in fishing, boat building, engineering and fish processing within the East Neuk and sometimes beyond. So this snippet about KY* 2016 "Sovereign" skippered by John Barclay in 1874 was good to find. Also of note is that the Receiver of Wrecks is a Mr Keay. Both of those names are pretty significant in my family history (obviously) so I presume that as they are from what were then very small communities; Cellardyke and Anstruther (or thereabouts) they must be relatives of mine. In my family timeline 1874 would mean that they were "great" relations (grand fathers, uncles etc.)

*KY means registered in Kirkcaldy, all the boats had registered numbers as well as names.

Cunning Stunts

 George the cat has come up with a cunning plan for catching birds.

Catatonic Squirrel

I spent about two hours yesterday observing this squirrel that appeared to be pinned against a wall, frozen still, high up, near to the top of the building next door. Not a place where squirrels usually hang out. At first I actually thought it was one of our cats, it was making a meow kind of sound. Then it stopped meowing and the animal seemed to just zone out and freeze while clinging onto the wall. Was it in distress, stuck, trapped, injured? I don't know but after a while it just moved across to the top of the drainpipe and hung there for a bit. Then, whilst I was not looking it must've returned to earth. It was seen running across a nearby garden looking healthy and normal. I've seen many squirrels do lots of things (mostly attacking bird feeders) but I've not seen this peculiar frozen behaviour before. Answers and expert views on a postcard please ...

Thoughtless and Reckless Energy Generator

Another scientific project I'm working on in my virtual shed: The thoughtless and reckless energy generator. It's powered by invisible cosmic marvels, a new source of power that's both cheap and clean but it does require the use of a dark mind. If you have a dark mind and wish to invest then this might be of interest. The trials are underway at the moment, subject to set up costs being secured and some risk assessments working out. I'm hoping to leverage finance from the alternative sources of dark minded capital formerly known as the troupe of western alchemists. They are difficult to reach and may well be extinct by now or frozen in some cryogenic suspension. We'll see. The undead can still have their uses.

House of the Dragon - Teams

House of the Dragon has returned, so we have Season Two: Apparently there are two teams. I suspect it's not as simple as that. Fantasy fiction just grows plots and sub plots with every turn of the script/page. This is a very powerful franchise and they know exactly how to operate it for maximum impact. I'm onboard with that and realistically cynical too. I'm team black by the way but my opinions, like my principles, are all subject to change and regular review.

Nameless and Frameless

Jazzy and stimulating but not every art lovers cup of tea: Frameless in London by Marble Arch (itself covered in canvas). Here art (the populist kind that pretty much everybody can recognize) meets technology and inner space with a bolted on soundtrack. It mostly works for me but I'd prefer it if there was more consideration given to a quieter, peaceful viewing/experience. Kids running about, people chatting and pretty much ignoring what's happening and an acute sense of the dim witted public not quite knowing what to do with itself is just plain irritating after a while. 

Good idea, well executed but it needs more varied, less popular source material and some stricter guidelines and limits on audience's (?) uncontrolled behaviours. I do sound a fuddy duddy here but it annoys me when people talk loudly, invade space and relentlessly film at gigs and other public events with no consideration for the enjoyment of those others just trying to take in the wider content. Hell is other people getting in the way of your own little bit of fun. Recommended anyway.

Future or maybe even current K-Pop starlets film a video on a chilly evening in King's Cross marketplace. As their sound was muted we couldn't quite understand what was going on. They had all the right moves and the right looks which these days unfortunately only conveys some kind of glossy modern anonymity. I wish them well.

The Coal Yard market itself was fun, a mixture of possibly spoof science/art installations (I can't really tell what's real and what's not these days) and stalls selling niche and handcrafted  "marketable" foods and other stuff at reasonably unreasonable prices. The exotic food and drink stalls looked good but we'd already eaten and little did we know but more street food was to come our way later on in the evening. Yum.

London Daily Photo

 Some London images from the weekend, but in no particular order: The army are out in numbers with their very nervous horses and a police escort who seem intent on winding up both the animals and any stray pedestrians who get in the way. It was an uncomfortable spectacle to watch. Sirens blaring and officers shouting orders across the street, the police were heavy handed and disrespectful but this is London after all and there's always tension in the air. The army and their clattering field guns passed by eventually; it's the King's official birthday and this is normal. To be honest I can't either respect or support any of the Royal Family's business anymore. I see them only as spoiled and aloof parasites and loathe the sycophantic nature of the British press and media's coverage of their activities.

A highly modified banjo hanging up on wire for reasons that completely baffle me. I think it's art but who knows?

In an Irish pub in London Kings Cross watching Germany v Scotland. Of course it was not the best night's footballing entertainment I've seen. There was an odd muted atmosphere in here with a smattering of German fans, another lonely Scot and I and various English fans (I assume) who hardly paid attention to the sporting carnage that was unfolding. Memorable for all the wrong reasons.

There are green spaces in the King's Cross area, along by the canal squeezed between buildings and developments, probably as a token and a gesture towards urban renewal and the existence of some kind of wilder areas. Keep the users and residents on side - it may have said that in the small print of the project material. I'm not completely sure what "wild" really is on brownfield sites, lots of weeds and grasses sprouting up but I guess it's better than just more concrete and paving. I did spot traces of the insidious Russian Vine creeping into the well established ivy's patch. That's something that won't end well. I can say that from bitter, personal experience.

Thirty Seven Minutes After Sushi

I hear there's an election coming.

I'm just not feeling it.

They say it's general.

But not genial.

Pay for coffee.

Paper coffee.

Pay per coffee.

With no typing errors.

Everything is serious.

Nobody listens.

Or learns from history.

None of that makes you a victim.

Unless you choose to be one.

So.

Buy a T shirt.

Bridge Too Far

Guitar bridge modifications heading in reverse: Nobody told me that the bridge set up on (probably all regardless of make) LP Juniors was a complete bugger of a thing. This bridge is non standard and promises a bit more than it delivers, however the one I was planning to replace this one with turns out to be even worse despite seemingly offering better adjustments. One more time and I'm another eBay "special" victim. I should be used to this by now.

So one size does not fit all. Outside dimensions, however similar they may be don't mean something will fit. So I had a bit of a swear fest over this. In the end I compromised with some new and old bits making up a "better" solution. I'm not sure if it is, but I'll tell myself it is. 

So to sum up; to put on new strings, set up the action and then set the intonation just involves too much faffing about and repeatedly taking things apart, detuning and putting things back together with fiddly Allan keys. It's fine once it's set up but basically it's a bad piece of design and impractical for regular use. End of lesson. 

P.S. Some guys in Memphis have invented a compensating bridge for Juniors - a clever idea but it's over $100 plus postage so I'll get by just fine without it.

Cat Day Afternoon

Cats: Mostly just cats being cats in the home and garden wonderland. Every so often they need to rescued from some mighty hedge that threatens to imprison them or they become hypnotized by bees, birds and floating specs of dust (from some long demolished outer planet). Then they climb up into complicated or flimsy trees that lead to other dimensions. We summon them back down and in for meals using cat treat bribery and promises and lies about exotic cat food. One of these days they'll see through the charade. 

They are getting a fair bit of vitamin C and occasional exercise learning the skills of stalking and hunting. I've kept the grass long and spindly in places so they have a jungle to explore. We're just getting tense and extra watchful. They know that we know that they can jump a seven foot gate or fence so it's set at a kind of escape stalemate at the moment. One good thing is that they dislike the rain and noisy people.

God of the Practical Joke

 

Images captured at the Ludwig Gallery.

Thoughts about art galleries.

Fake silence and respect.

The public are under constant observation.

There's an air of distrust.

I stand, I shuffle.

For how long should you stand looking?

Ignoring certain works.

Forgotten space.

Say the artist's name out loud.

Read the small print.

No need to look at or even understand everything.

A sliver of wood holds you back.

I admire the floor.

The wrong kind of information.

Perhaps we don't belong here?

Everyday, a Deja Vu.

A collapse of light.

"Perhaps we can't belong here?"

The God of the practical joke speaks.

Cologne Daily Photo Part 2

A very stylish fruit and vegetable smoothie shop. A vibrant and colourful handmade drink is about 10 Euros.

No trip to Cologne is complete without finding a shop that sells old open reel tape decks. The control system on this old Grundig model looks complicated but is still clean and robust after all those years of use. Incredible machines. Most people under 50 would not know how to operate one of these, maybe even not know what it is for.

Gardens of paving outside the Ludwig Gallery.

Please do not open? That's asking for it.

Street scene, early evening; my secure but unspectacular hotel is up on the right side. 

Cologne Daily Photo

Spent a few days in Cologne earlier in the week. The footie teams will soon be there preparing for and competing in the Euros. Any day/week now it's all kicking off. It's actually a great and welcoming city and I'm sure the Scottish fans will benefit from the many parks, fast food joints and corner kiosks scattered across town. Each kiosk is fitted with a handy bottle opener on a string.

This local car share club might not operate so easily were it based in Scotland. Don't ask me why, I just have an awkward feeling about it.

When you're all done with your old bike stick it in a frame and put it up on wall in a close (Scottish vernacular). Good Idea.

Some imaginative cafe's see their toilet roll stock pile as a useful opportunity to create interesting artworks. More Cologne stuff tomorrow...

Life Gives You Lemons

Life gives, life takes away: Here are a couple pics of lemons provided by life, in a fairly complicated but pleasant enough way. Never underestimate their super power. It's called being a lemon. They mean business.

Alternative Glasto

As we're unable to get to Glastonbreeeh this year because of systematic computer rejection I decided to create my own mini pyramid stage that's also doubling as a small pea plantation. The Force is strong in the middle of the string pentagram. However the cats were unimpressed by the new structure ignoring it as they passed by. Only peas will be performing there and a few parasites and insects.

It's not the same as the real mccoy but who cares? Possibly better, all things considered and quite a lot cheaper. It's also wonky but so are most things around here. Wabi Sabi. Perhaps our festival attending, mud scratching and toilet trip planning days are over. Probably not.

Sunny Saturday in South Queensferry

The sound of rushing water albeit there's no sound on this clip, it's just a pretty little garden image. You have to imagine the restful plink plonk of the water and the birdsong in the trees and the regular zap and brap of over weight old guys keenly revving their large motorcycle engines at the biker's cafe somewhere in the distance. Life can be good.

Dance of the 3D Printers

Non human entertainment aimed mostly at non humans: An exciting new creative dance venture from the people who gave you "Things That Might Enhance Your Fiscal Repertoire", "Failing Upwards" and "Movements Through Sludge". They/we are pleased to announce that "The Dance Of The 3D Printers" will premiere on a screen or device (using assorted pixels) located near to you, or possibly in the residence next door or thereabouts, quite soon. 

We'll set an exact date as soon as the legal wrangles are resolved and when we can level the printer decks correctly and free up the blocked hot plastic tubes. Working with real artists who are also unreal can be a bit of a technical challenge but with God's help and a strong Southerly breeze we will surely succeed. Please note that we are no longer funded by unwanted or unclaimed Conservative Party donations. It was in fact a lie.

Alien

Not many people know that the inspiration for the design of the alien eggs in the Ridley Scott* movie "Alien" came from the production team's late night, marathon encounters with tequila and Ferrero Rochet chocolates set in their unique cradle/box container. I for one certainly did not know this until I made the whole story up yesterday at lunch time.

*Let's not forget Dan O'Bannon who wrote script.

Suggested by Amazon

 

I'm not sure what I've bought or searched for on Amazon that made this item a suggested purchase for me. A scaffolding tower, seven metres high, hmm, that's not any kind of risky at all for a man of my age and ability. I'll take two. One for the front of the house and one for the rear.

Below: Cats looking out of the window as I teeter along in a strong wind on top of the handy, DIY enabling, Amazon sourced tower outside. Killing off those high level odd jobs one shaky hammer blow at a time.