Jon Anderson is a Hobbit

Saw him on the telly, he's a Hobbit alright.

Olympics: David Macaroon has announced that anybody caught saying anything nasty or at all negative about the up and coming 2012 Olympics will be guilty of high treason. In a surprise move the dark leader of the catastrophic coalition suggested that Olympic critics were just "narrow minded goons with no sense of fun, fair play or business acumen, exactly the kind of people we don't want moaning about costs, sculptures, daft new buildings and all that sort of thing. The very thought of these un-British people having the damn cheek to go on strike or in any way disrupt the profiteering and marvellous games ethos with their petty pension, human rights and other undemocratic and stupid complaints makes them jolly well worse than a box of bald Bolsheviks on crack."

The leader of the opposition, a pasty faced chap was stunned to something approaching silence when he heard that up to £300 a year enters his party's  coffers as a result of collections made amongst the poor, the needy, trade unionists and other Olympic Games deniers. "As a committed Socialist I'm bound to disagree with everything the other bloke says except when it comes to wildcat industrial action, frankly I've never understood the point of it and I object to seeing lots of ugly people out on the streets shouting and looking like they've just walked out of the pages of a Banksy sketchbook." Harriet Harman was also unavailable for comment mainly because she married some union bloke a few years ago and still resents his penchant for bottles of brown ale at breakfast, indiscriminate farting and the copies of Marx's diaries he arranges  on the Ikea pillows at bedtime into the shape of the battleship Potemkin.

The Lib-Dems when asked suggested that any strikers could be counselled by pullover wearing college lecturers trained in sociology and cookery and then tarred and feathered by junior party volunteers. "It'll teach them two things a) the meaning of pain and b) that feathers can stick to tar and your Mothercare dungarees." Danny Alexander agreed and suggested that Unite members be placed on a programme of forced cabbage picking in his Moray constituency. "That'll show them practical economics, how to spot and sell diseased vegetables and provide a sense of fair play as they experience the hard action of the outdoor Eastern European farming exploitative methods." he chortled.

The BBC said the whole thing was very annoying and that they might now need a few extra cameras to capture the trouble(s) and the sporting highlights if they should ever coincide. Boris Johnston agreed to provide the necessary funding, some random on screen buffoonery and as many racing bicycles as are needed.