Saturday, October 07, 2023

No Such Thing As AI


Not my conspiracy theory but it'll do: I can exclusively reveal that the whole AI revolution everyone is either pandering to or is afraid of is no more than a complete and utter lie. Rogue entrepreneurs across Asia and the Indian Sub Continent have, over the years, been training up highly motivated and intelligent cats to create credible responses for all AI information, script and image requests. The truth is that there is no mega computer stuffed with the latest chips pumping out all those six fingered and distorted photos, the shabby screenplays and wistful lyrics or the hopeful essays on radical political forces in the 19th century. It's all the work of energetic teams of trained cats; "super cats" if you will. 

When a task is received they quickly spring into action (as you'd expect with cats) to provide their version of whatever answer is required. This I think explains the often randomness of responses, unexpected delays and quite quirky interpretations of seemingly straight forward questions or instructions. So I can confidently say we need not fear the AI revolution as it a) doesn't exist and b) has a demonstrable animal core and it's learning curve is distinctly feline. What we should fear however is this new generation of super cats. I'm pretty sure at some point soon they're going to figure out a way to escape from these phony sweat shops and then ... well world domination and us being put in our place once and for all seems very likely. Think twice before you press that "Create" button and stock up on cat food (for bribes and influence). Don't tell the dogs either.

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