Yellow Weather

An elevated state of paranoia and anxiety is to be encouraged. Spread fear and control the mindless activities of the common people. Let's make every day a "Yellow Weather Warning" day, even if it's just a bit windy and rainy. Stick it up on websites, on the news instead of actual news, tweet it and plaster it across motorway warning signs. Basically it's not safe to be outside and moving about but also if you're at home you're likely to be flooded out or have a tree fall onto your conservatory or perhaps be struck by lightning. That'll fucken' sort them. Don't forget to buy a lottery ticket either.

I liked it better in the 60s when we were simply afraid of nuclear devastation. We were taught to take cover under our school desks or hide below the stairs if the sirens sounded or the maroons were fired (who remembers maroons?). We never even considered the futility of acting on any of this "practical" advice. Imminent white hot death from the heavens could happen on any day at any time but we respected the fact that various VIPs would be able to use exclusive bomb shelters. Meanwhile rain, high winds, snow and ice were just seen as normal, shitty weather conditions and schools and railway lines were not going to close because of any of that bollocks. Get back to work the lot of you!

In many ways nowadays it would make a lot more sense if the actual warnings were targeted towards global warming and climate control messages. Motorway signs could declare "Don't be so smug drivers, you're all fucked, change your ways!" instead of check your tyres and phone conduct drivel. Weather forecasts should include the bad smells, contamination and fumes caused by sewage outfalls, chemical processing, industrial and plastic waste and landfill sites. Consumers should be encouraged to stop buying crap on line that ends up being binned ten minutes after delivery (kids "toys" being the worst offenders here). Package holidays into the bleached and unforgiving sun could have cancer warnings. And so on ... 

So we're staying in today for safeties sake, piling on the logs and filling hot water bottles, it's going to go down to at least -3 at about four in the morning. There may be a light breeze, sleet even. Occasionally we'll peer outside using the Ring doorbell camera via our phones. Stay safe.