Dog day afternoon

The puppy arrived, ate some food, squirted on the grass, played, tumbled, licked and departed. Some bonding and affection transfer may have also taken place. Time will tell. I'm busy working on the complex inter-county kennel transfer task.

Signs and wonders

As the brightness that was today fades into more familiar grey tones I ponder the mixed merits of a pasta and liquorice diet. A diet forced upon me by the usual strange circumstances of poor shopping decision making processes, uncalulated family food consumption rates and desperation. None of these things either singly or together lead to a decent meal or healthy lifestyle. Read the signs if you will.

On a more sobering and consistent note it's taken me about two months and umpteen hours to "get" the mouse pad on this here new fangled AppleMcMuffinMac. This weekend I had an epiphany but wisely kept it to myself, the usual Chinese reasons apply. I could draw a graph that shows the relationship between age and the grasping of (not really new) different technology. Ali and I realised this fully as we struggled to switch on the oven yesterday, unable to read the dials without glasses and unable to understand the complex symbols that refer to things like ovens and fans. Eventually a meal was produced but at what cost?

Now I'm on the edge of my seat (painful and bad for the posture) awaiting the arrival of a puppy. Not fresh from a dog's bottom but as a reluctant passenger in a car, driven all the way from down there, to somewhere up here (but only here for a rest). Any minute now.

South Queensferry on a warm day

These railings compliment the old lady of the bridge rather well. At least they've finished painting them.

The harbour.

Edinburgh Road manages to dodge the sunlight, the traffic is almost calm and the pedestrians have gone elsewhere for a siesta. Further up the street a wedding is in progress, guest spill out and smoke in the street, families struggle by with pushchairs and puzzled tourist look out between the buildings for a new view of the bridges.

These pics were taken a few days ago, today we mostly stayed in the garden, built bonfires, ate and drank, were lazy then busy then lazy again and had a few ideas.

Bee day

Nice to see the return of the bees, caught in the act of lavender robbery this morning whilst breakfast cooked itself, somewhere away in the distance. July is having a mostly sunny start and insect life is booming around here. Meanwhile up above the low flying, cheeky chappie swifts make the garden complete, in every moment another aerial ballet is played out to a chirpy soundtrack. Glad to see them back again and nesting in the splintery rafters of our coal cellar.

Update: Weather back to normal gloomy setting but we did manage a bike ride to Blackness Castle and back, it was so close to being a summer's day.

City of London - daily pic

(G)litter bin, thanks to LB.

Shrimp noodles and submarines

Today I heard that soon it will be legal to stab burglars, presumably not at the Asda cheese counter or in the Odeon queue however. One question, are baseball bats and pepper mills allowed as a part of the same legislation or is it just kitchen knives? Then I wondered how Google Earth deals with cloudy places, how many takes does it take to get a take? Then I read a little about journalist Johann Hari and his failure to tell the truth and his grim internal struggle with the tyranny of the "good lie" (not quite sure where the inverted commas belong here, on each word or just one). Hari sounds like he's lost it, confused between substance, style and his own arrogant need to make a point regardless of the nature of the interview. He thinks he knows best and he might be right, he's more likely to be wrong though. Then the sunny evening demanded that I venture outside, kick start the mower and prune the extensive lawns and anti-gravity hanging gardens. All done eventually, the brown bins are empties on 1st July. Then shrimp based noodles, sticky chicken and a submarine encounter on TV followed by extensive exposure to large amounts of invigorating yogurt selections.

Knotweed returns, weed police on their way any day now, London 2012 has already spent £10m to move them across the border. A kindly gift from the beleaguered Olympic Team so far away in the balmy south.

Edinburgh plankers

Popular with the young and old, the fit and the infirm, rich and poor, the long, the tall and the short, it's the craze that's literally sweeping the streets and it's not really sweeping the streets though they all could do with a general tidy. Yes it's the ancient and honorable Scottish art of lying horizontally in strange and inappropriate places. We'd all done it at some point, mostly when the boss is away for the day, now we're coming out of the chips shops and just lying around (creatively) on any handy object regardless of shape or location. It looks fun, it's probably painful, possibly fatal in Australia, it takes two to do it (you need a photo) but sadly it may well be over before it truly begins. I'm doing it right now typing this stuff.

Smallville, Season X, the final one it seems, my review in a single sentence: I don't think aliens know anything about love, how could they?

Morningside Daily Photo

HUGHES & SONS: A well established fishmonger that calls itself a fish emporium rather than a fish shop, a fish retailer or a centre for the disposal (by sale involving the exchange of valid currency) of fish and other edible sea creatures. If only there were more shops like these, but if there were would I actually go in and buy some the lovingly prepared and very attractive fish that's on display? Probably not, I'm more likely to go up to the Tesco Metro 100yds away and buy a packet of fish fingers. That's exactly what's wrong with the world today, poor education and the chronic failure of teachers to pass on the correct technical knowledge about types of fish, how to fillet them and what wine to gently quaff whilst eating them. Notice how confidently older folks are when they go in and buy fish, they really know what they are talking about.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in Morningside large gatherings of uncontrolled wheelie bins take place as if taking part in some Hindu or Communist street festival or slow parade. These multi-coloured pavement blockers are everywhere, herded together like unwanted elephants hungry for pizza boxes, beer bottles and unread newspapers. From time to time pieces of fruit and vegetables are also deposited there by cocky students and health freaks wearing no shoes. There has to be a better collection method, makes me wonder how do the likes of Stockbridge and Corstorphine cope. Perhaps there needs to be more competition between urban areas in the area of mobile garbage receptacle use and placement. Unfortunately ugly, primitive and unhelpful in the way of environmental regeneration. Whatever happened to the Top Cat design of dustbin? Oh, and it's hard to park any kind of Chelsea Tractor on the cobbled streets.

Plan view of cat from micro helicopter

Even though I didn't think I did, I probably did drink a little too much of the hard stuff last night. A polite family invasion meant the preparation of a couple of currys based on the "1000 things to do with a chutney lake" recipe model, this worked well and then morphed into recreational time spent in the damp but strangely warm environs of the garden, a place where green things sprout at a surprising speed. While out there stumbling around I may have drunk a little more, I can't recall how much. Meanwhile the neighbours had cut down a huge ivy clump and in the process discovered a secret room filled with...I was hoping that it would be the Devil, a bear and Harlequin seated at a table and playing cards until doomsday but it turned out to be junk and pieces of wood. Secret room discoveries are always disappointing unless occurring in fast moving Enid Blyton stories. They also found a telegraph pole apparently (not in the room), the pole may come in handy. As night fell, as it invariably does we went indoors and watched more Glastonbree nonsense, ate a selection of cheeses and I must have drank a little more. Some time later, when the time begins with zeros and not actual numbers, I fell asleep.

When I awoke the grandchildren were watching "Elf" on TV, I was sandwiched between two sleeping cats and daylight was all around. Blinking a little more than usual I decided then to explore the downstairs toilet only to find that I was sharing that hallowed space with an angry wasp (are there other kinds?). Then the sweet music off Radio 6 and non-news of Radio Scotland came to my rescue and I fried four eggs without breaking a single yolk, that's twice I've done that in my entire life - I was cheered up no end by this simple achievement. Meanwhile in the lounge Ali was teaching the kids how to play Monopoly, it was 0830 on a Sunday morning. Next: Edinburgh Airport via the Highland Show traffic, joy.

Meet Aeneas Wilder

We met this bloke at a party last night, a Scottish sculptor specialising in large, intricate (mostly wooden) installations. His stuff is pretty special (and spacial), his name is Aeneas Wilder, his website is well worth a look, find it here.

Tesco daily photo No57

For those parking within the yellow zone (an area of special economic interest in these austere times) the signage is becoming a particular hazard. You may well be mocked and stigmatized if the vehicle of your choice (one from a previous century let's say) gets too close to the damage. Of course it wasn't me, a big boy did it and ran away.

I left the store with copious amounts of spinach and eggs with which I'll construct a meal fit for a...human being. This is the problem with watching what you eat, that's exactly what you do. Food passes by and you look at it.

I watched about 15 minutes of U2 at Glastonbree (as Fern Cotton calls it) last night, before the always funny Mr Norton Show, hard to describe the set, I suppose I mostly admired the Edge's nice guitars and resented Bono's pretty poor vocals. Fat, lazy and detached seemed an apt description but the old songs still resonate with the hidden inner power and passion that made them so good then. Growing old is tough and the past is a hard place to live in.

Muppets v Game of Thrones

There are of course a whole series of these, all equally pointless. They could be looked up somewhere on the web and explored if you had the energy, I don't at the moment but I like the creative twist. Another twist experienced today was a large flagon of chilled barley tea, prepared in a traditional Japanese style by some one from Japan, a refreshing and detoxing drink. Then I spoiled it all with a large whisky, just to end the evening quietly.

Beer & sun

The sudden change in the June weather caught me unawares, what is the point in unpredictable weather? So after the brief delay on the journey home caused by a broken down BMW 3 Series on the bridge (a rare event - I do maintain a hidden record of these things) I made it home in time to bask in the early evening sun, clocked at 19 degrees no less. My chosen accompaniments for the pale glow of the orange globe were warm beer (the best kind and a lost taste in this modern and over chilled world) and multi coloured olives and feta from a plastic pouch. Most of the time it was good, in fact I may well try this little combo again before the sun eventually sets, as it surely must.

Insects of the day: Spotted a few errant wasps here and there, a long wispy web made by an invisible spider and a giant black beetle.

Missie the cat, today she is particularly indifferent towards the Edinburgh £700m tram smash, David Cameron's daily dick-head denials and attention seeking, the fate of the Euro and the Greek economy and Wee Eck's wobble over the great nonsensical Bill to kill or cure sectarianism, whatever that is.

£Poundland£

I've been to Poundland twice in my life. The first time I only really crossed the threshold and no more and purchased a solar garden lamp for £1. The lamp is still working a year or so later, lost and flickering as best as it can in the limited sunshine out there in the great expanse of our garden. Today I paid another visit to this bizarre shop but this time ventured in a lot deeper, all the way to the rear of the shop to the "entertainment" section. Here I found a wall full of odd electrical items, accessories and gadgets and (despite knowing the name of the shop) couldn't quite believe that all this stuff was £1. USB cables, connectors, laptop skins, cases, headphones, DVDs etc. etc. It can't all be complete shite, or can it? That's the dilemma that a cynical shopper such as I cant quite resolve.

The price and the products are so far out of line, based on my limited shopping experience anyway. I struggled with the quandary and after five minutes found myself standing in the till line along with shoppers laden with cola, crisps, batteries and 1001 other weird pound purchases. In the end I handed over a fiver for 2 ipod headphones, 1 laptop set of headphones, an ipad cushion case and a packet of Haribo Mixture (impulse buy for grandkids). Bargains, legal shoplifting or crap? Time and evidence will tell.

Little Plum

And so it came to pass that the rain fell, the wind blew, the wind blew a bit more and it beat upon the little plum tree and the plum tree was laden with as yet unripe fruit but within that still forming fruit there was a mighty weight. A great weight, a weight too mighty and heavy for the branches of the plum tree and so it came to pass that the branches of the tree collapsed and that was that. Then the pretty lady of the house looked out upon the storm and general stramash and saw the tree in grave distress so she sent a poor shepherd chap out to fix the tree at least temporarily so that the delicious fruits could get the chance to ripen and be picked and be turned via a mysterious and messy process into chutney. So the brave young man obtained a 2” x 4” baton from the swift and toad infested coal cellar and by cunning design and engineering involving a convenient piece of nearby garden furniture placed the tree and her part formed fruit into a safe and tranquil situation, for the time being. Next it's the turn of the apple tree I suspect, years of poor diet, exposure to the elements and random fruit picking to blame.

Yes I did watch the season finale of Game of Thrones last night and it did not disappoint. It's been a clever piece of writing and TV that has managed to build up and convincingly portray a set of characters and fantasy situations across what might have easily been a ludicrous and laughable plot line. Every episode has been strong, every element of the production and the design has maintained an weird and unnerving sense of realism and grit that elevates it beyond fairytale. Sword and sorcery epics usually leave me a cold or at at best absorbed in effects rather than the people and the story, this show has been different. GoT has managed to convince me that there is life after Lord of the Rings and that the genre is perfectly adaptable to an adult audience if you can get the key elements right and use a light touch on the fantasy levers. Looking forward to the new series, now.

Plum tree with a supporting cast of various odd bits of odd things.

Last episode

Dull, boring and predictable are just some of the ways you could describe me, not so Game of Thrones, a quality TV production for once. The last episode of season 1 is on tonight, mmmm. I may well celebrate, mourn or be disappointed accompanied by a small glass of Father's Day whisky. Roll on Sky Player time, simple things etc.

Hello Toad

Nice toad specimen visits us here today at the back door, or are we really visiting him? Who owns the turf? The damp conditions and low temperatures are suiting the toads this year, we live and let live out here in the sticks, even when the bad cat comes a calling.

Before the hard disk fails

Music has outgrown radio. Have you tried finding something decent to listen to on the radio in the evening? Presumably the radio stations think that they are pandering to some audience somewhere with their musical choices and their types of presentation. Currently they’ve lost me. Any love affair I had with radio is petering out. Media sources say that music videos and performances are too suggestive to the point of being pornographic, I’d say that they (the performers) are becoming increasingly desperate to gain attention thanks to their lack of original ideas so they push a bit further. With all that pushing they’ve finally done the thing your parents warned you about; broken it. I would say that.

Stating the obvious: After experiencing the highs of last week’s creative weekend, this week has been less so. The good/bad non-creative head feeling thick and slow, as if full of straw and weeds. So much so that on Thursday a passing swift (those little birds that fly for the first two years of their lives without alighting anywhere) decided by head would make a good desert island upon which to settle. The beaming bald spot no doubt called out to him so he crash landed Lost style on the beach that is the bare patch somewhere between neck and temple, I can never see it properly, like the dark side of a strange moon. Anyway the tide must have appeared to be out and the landing lights on. He didn’t stay long, clearly recognising a hostile environment and flew away, perhaps not to land anywhere else for another two years. I recovered quickly but am remaining in a state of readiness, just in case a passing cat might suspect the bird was still in there somewhere. Then I began to think about Alfred Hitchcock.

Technology is unkind. The phrase “just for fun” is seldom one you’d expect to use when sitting at any laptop or PC. Designs and functionality create a constantly adversarial relationship between user and machine. Just try extending your Norton cover (set up for up to three other machines in the first place) to actually do that. Do they make it easy, is it a single click or the entering of an account number in a some convenient and easy to find box? No, nothing like that, in fact they don’t even attempt to make it in the least way intuitive or open, that way the punter may well give up a shell out another £50 for a whole new package. It is a clear conspiracy, why else (Norton) would you hide the download button or just avoid a straight and convenient path between the user and the answer to FAQ links. When confronted with this kind of user obstacle I use my twin attributes of focused anger and a mean spirit - then give up and drink coffee. Once the coffee kicks in I realise I’ve missed a step in the instructions, that would be normal but in this case with Norton, they’re just hell-bent of being difficult.

A year in the Facebook life

The rare moment when Facebook and Blogger meet and collide in a matrix of Mondrian photo forms. If I was a proper dedicated Facebooker I'd post this onto my profile - but I decided not to. I'll allow the anonymous images to stay away from their complex root and float freely in the relative obscurity of the blogsphere.

Earlier this evening we watched Andrew Marr eulogising about mega-cities in glorious HD. Mexico City, London, Dakar and Shanghai were explored and flown over repeatedly. The sights, sounds and smell presented a chaotic but optimistic picture of a crammed and constrained life that never looked quite as unpleasant as the narrative wished to make it. One day we'll all live like this, in silver suits, dining as fregans from dumpsters, cycling and colliding, sleeping in stacks and escaping to the tranquility of floating farm's fields when we need a break from our fellow travellers. The mass conscience will rule and provide purpose but the wit and guile of the citizens needs to set and keep the rules; the citizens own the city after all. I wonder if that ever occurred to David Cameron or Nick Glegg?

Just another band from Friedrichshafen

Heike - logistics, fuel and movements.

Martin - mainly bass and a lot of clever techy things.

Siggi - keyboards and backing vocals.

Ali - vocals, twiddling and flipcharts.

Middle-age bloke - middle-aged blokery and Gumtree guitars most of the time.