Things of little consequence

Funny how good it feels to strip the paint and gunk from an old black Stratocaster body with a power tool and slowly reveal the wood grain hidden underneath it all.  I found it strangely satisfying pruning it all back but there still remains a lot of work to be done to get the body ready for a natural finish and some pyrographical nonsense.  All day at work I was looking forward to doing this job, getting lung fulls of dust, filthy clothes and sore hands and arms - before the pleasant reveal of the wood pattern.

 Grandaddy Volvo officially reached old-timer status last night somewhere between Aberdeen and Fife as we rolled past 100k fairly effortlessly, presumably we were going downhill rapidly at the time. This must be where the motoring Alzheimer's and general confusion kicks in. Note the dashboard photo was taken once I'd pulled up back home. This is my 4th 100k moment in a row.

Not everything is perfect

How can something work really well but still be imperfect? This is the best Partscaster home-built/Ebay/AxeRus/Gumtree sourced player to come from the production line so far but...it has a bad earth somewhere and the wiring isn't quite right so the coil tap is out of phase (which gives it a great set of tones) and it pickup buzzes just occasionally but apart from that it's...perfect. The trouble is if I ever manage to fix it may well become...imperfect.

Conflict and worship

OK then it never did happen but here's two odd things coming together; possible conflict anyone?

There are so many conflicting and crazy ideologies out there at constant at odds with each other, some take an almost perverse delight in seeing themselves as completely correct in their understanding of god (in theology) and what he/she might require from his/her creation. Once in a while I wonder how, if I was god I'd want to be worshiped, what do gods really like and what might they expect? Here's a few options, none of which really make sense:

The lukewarm singing of religious songs accompanied by pipe organ.
A violent terrorist act that blows up innocent people and other folk's property.
Mad dancing followed by group sex and some ritualistic violence.
An oil painting of my (God's) crucifixion.
Dressing up elephants with paint, jewels and cloth and marching them down the street.
Invading somebody else's country, laying waste to it, enslaving the people and then ruling them.
Building big buildings and filling them full of gold.
Sitting in a pile of dung silently meditating.
Praying like mad for everything in the world only occasionally pausing to say thank you.
Trembling uncontrollably.
Not cutting your hair or fingernails or shaving.
Wearing your best clothes as a mark of respect.
Not having sex.
Having lots of sex.
Flagellation (self or otherwise).
Strumming an acoustic guitar and singing Hallelujah.
Covering your body with dye.
Never eating meat.
Carving images and idols in stone (or in wickerwork).
Doing everything that the scriptures tell you even when you don't understand.
Passing a % of your income to the church.
Denying yourself the things you might like because that's what god expects.
Subjugating women.
Casting spells and uttering curses.
Persecuting those who disagree with you.
Cutting yourself and bleeding.
Sacrificing animals.
Sacrificing people.

Hmm..the list could go on but frankly if I was any kind of god, even a pretty stupid one, I don't think that any of this mindless stuff would tickle me.

Determined rascal

This little guy regularly raids the bird feeders helping himself to as much seed or nuts as he can carry. From time to time he chews through the mesh or dislodges the feeder(s) altogether so they scatter all the bird food across the garden. The birds hop down for a look and then the cats make a strike. This has been going on here (and in our previous location) for ages and it's pretty much unstoppable. Today however we caught him in the act and does he care? Not a bit.

Doppelganger Blues

Here's me with new baby Florence, naturally she's stays beautiful and serene in my arms whilst I'm slowly morphing and changing into a situation comedy grandaddy. I'd not I ever planned this and really when it comes down to it there are few things you can properly plan and deliver on but, as I reflect upon my fate and life in general it's probably not too bad a situation.

Florence

A big Hello to Florence Grace India T, a brand new grandchild born earlier today. I've yet to meet her but I'm sure she's beautiful. No sign of any Dougal just yet.

Workmate

In theory the Black & Decker Workmate is a formidable, versatile workhorse that can be used to hold a Jumbo Jet engine or the sarcophagus of Tutankhamen quite easily while you tinker with the damaged innards and make a triumphant repair. I wouldn't know, I've still to reach that stage. As with most things it's a self assembly object that comes with incomprehensible instructions and diagrams in fifteen obscure European languages - why did I give up on the Beltane-Celtic? The other snag is that you really need an already built and fully functioning B&D WM to build another, that and a reliable spanner. It's also made in China from an unknown metal finished in black gloss. I will persevere with this monster and I shall triumph, at least as soon as I find the tiny split pin I dropped on the garage floor. Meanwhile as a dull diversion here's a worthwhile list of the top five (I could give you fifty five) over rated guitar players in somebody's opinion.

Milk Bomb

OK, use fat milk half filling a glass, add a capsule of yogurt drink, any flavour you choose (but strawb and rasp seem to be the best), don't stir it and just  glug it down.  Three gulps and it's gone. Consider the significant health benefits; strong teeth and gums, clear complexion, shiny hair and a strange and welcome feeling of well being. Recommended.

How to spend your life

The wonderful things that people seem to spend their lives doing: Painting garden gnomes, chit-chatting, piddling, building guitars, sucking on flavourless boilings, learning to cook, collecting handbags, fiddling about, understanding politics, pulling up the blinds, holidaying in hot climates etc. You wonder quite why some folks spend all their lives doing what they do, by that I actually mean doing things that really amount to nothing as opposed to vital things. Don't they have any sense of the value of their own lives, their place in the world and the mark they might leave? Maybe they do but they don't care, maybe they make their mark in secret, maybe they've not given any of this any thought as they are too busy just getting off on the things I'm high-mindedly and incorrectly describing as idling, procrastination or a wasting time. Of course there is no such thing as time. 

Time was invented by belligerent and uncompromising European rulers to try to give workers something to feel guilty about and to measure the long gaps between ritual events and the less predictable seasons in nature. The first stages of time measurement used coloured sand in cola bottles, then they tried candles made from lard wrapped in proper English string. That worked for while but was tricky to use in open boats and on horseback when in hand to hand combat. Then the Swiss got a hold of it and mechanised it into tiny impractical clocks that would have been better covered in rich milk chocolate that, let no one forget, pretty much comes out of a cow's arse (or udder I suppose). They also formed guilds, designed knives and invented sexual perversion (a term no longer understood by anyone). Anyway that same technology inadvertently invented the cult of miniaturisation which then resulted in a number of dodgy sci-fi plots, the rise of China, the industrial revolution and counter revolution and places called Silicon Something (Valley, Glen, Bay, Iceberg, Cess-pit, Tits) and so on. 

Thus we find ourselves stuck with bright blinking little malignant clock faces and glowing numbers plastered across every device we greedily consume and occasionally use. A constant and noisy reminder of our wasteful and fragile humanity, the frantic avoidance of ageing, the countdown to imminent nuclear winters, doomsdays, lottery deadlines, airport delays, polar caps melting and the extinction of all the little grey/brown cuddly (but aggressive to humans) animals and whales.

Dinosaur plays piano

After witnessing  yesterday's local whale tragedy and being burdened down with more Nantucket Sleighride guilt than is acceptable for anybody we decided that today was to be devoted to being creative and edgy. You can't get more edgy than a squeaky dinosaur playing the final note to Happy Birthday on a piano.

Some kind of media event

Some days this stuff just writes itself which certainly helps when you're a bad and clumsy hack like me. Today a Minke whale was washed up on the beach nearby, struggling for life, not quite dead and desperate. Lots of good folks, firefighters, experts, vets and the coastguard tried to save it but to no avail. They let it go about one o'clock and it was unceremoniously removed by lorry a few hours later. Crowds had gathered and press and TV crews arrived to hopefully get a good story, once the whale was dead the story was gone and so were they. We caught the poor thing's final journey...

Anglebox

I saw this old timer Ford Anglia or Anglebox sitting bolt upright in the September sun in Dunfermline today. I never did want one (then) nor would I want one now but it looked good (as old, well maintained and interesting cars tend to) for a few moments. That's it then.

Guitar Shop 2

Partscaster 1, 80s Hohner neck and body, single Fender Atomic Humbucker, volume control,  Fender bridge,  tremolo and hardware, finished in a turquoise blue lacquer, also has a few tiny body dings. 

Partscaster 2, no known history, blank ash body finished in natural teak oil, Fender style neck with dolphin motif at the 12th fret, single G116 14k Alinco V Humbucker with coil tap, tone and volume/tone controls that  allow a wide range of clear sounds, Fender tremolo bridge and hardware. No marks or vices.

Partscaster 3, gloss black unknown copy body (jack socket on base, non-standard shape), hardtail, standard heavy pickups and Fender neck. Glossy black finish with a few minor dings but clean as a whistle otherwise Nice tone all round. 

Partscaster 4, 90s Korean Squier sunburst (very heavy, full size) body and pickups, hardtail,  overhauled with a new maple neck. Superbly playable guitar.

Ps OA.

Guitar Shop 1

OK, so it's a bit shaky and slightly out of time but how else do you showcase four guitars in six seconds?  Many thanks to the executive producer, director, editor, sound recordist and set designer.

Walking amongst the dead

We were out and about unusually early this morning, no family to cook for and the weather too poor for cycling so we hoofed it out to the old Crombie Church ruins. The promise of a bacon roll once we got home kept us going. Here the long forgotten dead of this corner of Fife are overgrown and at peace, apart from the noise of the nearby tree surgery taking place. The last burial looks to have been well over a hundred years ago and the oldest headstones go back to the mid eighteenth century, many are weathered and blurred beyond any recognition. For a dead place it's alive with brambles and wildlife and surprisingly little evidence of vandalism. File under some more evidence of our Abandoned Scotland.

The last days of August

August and summer are burning out as the strong west winds blow more strange cloud shapes all across the country far above our heads.  The sky is a watchable spectacle that beats the BBC or iPlayer. It's been a good, stretched out and tiring season but one where little if any peace has been found. Still today we're (in the UK) not yet at war with Syria, meanwhile Twitter lunatics are quoting verses from Isaiah 17 all about the wanton destruction of Damascus and the Second Coming while the USA finds itself on the same side as Al Qaeda. In many influential minds the war against terror becomes another battle scarred memory that just proves how little our leaders ever learn from recent history. Tony Blair certainly poisoned the well of public trust for this generation.

I'm full of Chinese food and toothpaste and I've built four guitars and fixed the kitchen drawer (over quite a few weeks). Never let it be said that I'm siting around wasting time. Tomorrow it's Dundee and ... cake.

The flying, fickle finger of fate

The flying, fickle finger of fate recently seen over Fort William.

Despite wandering the Earth for nearly sixty years in a haphazard fashion it's never occurred to me until today that my name was made up of four fairly common nouns. I know it's not important really but in the grim tedium of random grimly tedious coffee break thoughts it seems significant if meaningless.

John - Colloquial noun for toilet, the willing client of a prostitute or an unnamed or unidentified body (dead) in the USA.

Wood - Useful construction and combustible material found inside trees. In fact trees are made of wood mostly, as far as I know. Also the collective noun for a small clump of trees.

Bar - Tavern or drinking den/shop. Also a length of iron or a handy chunk of soap, chocolate or toffee.

Clay - Useful, malleable  construction material used in bricks, china and ceramics once cured or fired in a kiln. Also found in raw form somewhere not so deep in the soil or in river beds, holds water  well therefore non-porous.

There you have it, the fickle finger from the hand of God points; how many other troubled four nouners are there out there?

Social Attitude Test

I undertook a Social Attitude Test, here's my scores and overall result:

Political Values

Radicalism 85.75
Socialism     56.25
Tenderness  28.125

"These scores indicate that you are a tough-minded progressive; this is the political profile one might associate with a liberated atheist. It appears that you are cynical towards religion, and have a suspicious and unsympathetic attitude towards humanity in general.

Your attitudes towards economics appear neither committedly capitalist nor socialist, and combined with your social attitudes this creates the picture of someone who would generally be described as a political centrist.

To round out the picture you appear to be, political preference aside, an idealist with several strong opinions.

This concludes our analysis; we hope you found your results accurate, useful, and interesting.

Unlike many other political tests found on the Internet which base themselves on untested (and usually ideologically motivated) ideas, this inventory is adapted from Hans Eysenck's own political inventory which was developed after extensive empirical investigations in the 20th Century."

A little piece on Islam

These happy, shiny but mostly stern faced (and glittered, glossed, nipped, and tucked) people's particular interpretation of Islam discourages Darwinism (as many religions do), Atheism (as most religions do) and Communism (well of course you’re going to say that- we can’t have the working class cutting into your Botox money!) The only thing (?) that really seems off is when they claim they’re against something called materialism. Hmm....The clip is stolen from the Dangerous Minds site so don't blame me. Anyway what a warm and attractive little cult Islam seems to be, who could resist this sincere message?

The trouble with evolution

After another small scale big breakfast I reviewed the debris, mostly dishes, pans and cutlery ready for a ravenous dishwasher (as above). The food, apart from a few crumbs was long gone. The rest of the day has been spent in buying cakes and removing stubborn nails from pallets and carefully chopping up the remains for fire wood. No serious injuries were sustained in the process but as usual it was a close call. For the next part of the afternoon I drank small amounts of beer and wine and became mesmerised by the movements of various bees flying in loose formations  across the sun kissed garden.  I was trying to figure out what they were doing but I failed to grasp their complex and somewhat stupid flight patterns, they need a bit coaching in garden navigation it seems. You have to wonder quite what is they are up to and if they are indeed bees or some other kind of new bee impersonating insect. That's the trouble with evolution and it's various evolving theories. I'm thinking this is because the media and popular culture are forever telling us that bees are now extinct or dying away but are they really?  And if they are have they all now been replaced by near exact non-bee replicas that will eventually be more successful?