Friday, March 02, 2012

The Flaming Korans

Young mums and the followers of various prophets.
Scuffles broke out today at a top level forum set up by the Scottish Government designed to explore the topic of why it is people can never really agree about anything. A think tank of academics, politicians, bankers, religious  and business leaders was marred by the throwing of empty Evian bottles and the thwacking of rolled up copies of the Guardian. Police intervened when two digestive biscuits were crushed over the head of Mr Hilary Devey CEO of the pallet crushing and Amazon item movement company “Palletcrush”. A spokesman for the group described his fellow members conduct as “juvenile but necessary due to the way those awkward bastards were trying to argue over another group’s virtual position on moral absolutes”.  Monsignor Micah Paris from the Glasgow Kelvingrove diocese also complained of being lightly pussy whipped in the gazebo just after the ritual luncheon scene. The day ended with a stormy discussion about the use of paper aeroplanes as poetic euphemisms in ancient Chinese poetry. Danny Alexander later said, "the jury is definitely out on this one but I favour whatever it is the big boys say." A special task force will take the matter on with a precise remit to report back in the same decade that the new Forth Bridge opens.

Meanwhile the townspeople of Dagenham were outraged when a party of young denim clad Islamic Fundamentalists from Eton burned copies of Hello and Ok magazines in a nearly public space festooned with Banksy type murals and litter. The scene of devastation and blasphemy was just  outside of a popular "Essex has the word sex in it" type shopping mall modeled on the famous TV show with a similar name. One young mother said “they did it right in front of our kids, I couldn’t believe it, some were this week's and still had the TV guide in middle.” Another young mother, near to tears stated, “I was so shocked I dropped my fag and my meatball Sub, that’s £2.99, you owe me one Allah!" Peace was eventually restored when the kindly staff at a nearby Iceland branch handed out complementary bottles of Tizer and jumbo portions of Brains deep frozen tripe to both groups.  A blow by blow account has been forwarded to the Daily Mail and the UN.

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