Thursday, March 30, 2017

Septic Tank

What really goes on in the world's dark and soft underbelly? There beneath our low profile tyres, flat screens and coffee makers, goings on that are always a bit of a mystery for the modern kind of person. We're happily disconnected from most kinds of routine, household filth, so for Townies sewage goes via some tortuous, invisible route or other, through pipes and channels built by the Romans and Victorians until it hits an industrial plant that converts into it nice, sweet smelling waste paste that we pass onto Norway in used potato sacks. 

Those of us living way off the beaten track however only have a) the septic tank or b) some Commando based woodland solution to rely upon. So when it comes to septic tanks, those with no outlet, they must be emptied from time to time, or a sanitation disaster is likely to occur on a grand scale. A man with wellingtons, gloves, a big tanker and a long hose is therefore required.

Our tank was emptied yesterday, probably just in the nick of time as the photo above shows, though you could describe our actions as being an example of careful, timely planning correctly executed. Actually it's likely that the bacteria in the tank, a vital component in the process, was really working well, had it not been we'd have had to chuck in a dead rabbit or some other piece of roadkill just to kick start the dead system via resurrection. It proves the need for little, useful bugs in things, don't ever be too clean, just be ready to light the blue/brown touch paper and stand well back.

So what's it like to peer into your recent past via the domestic and personal time capsule that is a septic tank? Not as bad as you'd think, strangely it wasn't particularly smelly though the contents were obviously pure shit as was the consistency. The colour speaks for itself (?) becoming darker, more granular and muddier as the tank emptied. Thankfully no dead bodies, dinosaurs or alien space craft were uncovered this time. As an operator once said to me, "after a while you just see it as mince and tatties", fair enough, I've been to a few pop festivals myself. So now it's all hoovered up, removed, pumped into a road tanker and no doubt on it's way to...Norway I suppose.

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