Wednesday, March 18, 2020

Our more dextrous members

Just Eat a bike: For those blessed with a naturally healthy level of fitness you can now maintain it for a small fee. These mobile exercise cycles hand crafted in China from discarded European rubbish are currently scattered all across the pavements of Edinburgh and wired up to a great electronic brain. Most of the bike stations are located near to the bottom of a hill, this encourages a nice, juicy workout for a sum as small as £1.50 per hour, the price of a deal of the day cheeseburger or a king size Mars Bar. Hardly unreasonable but just remember that physics has never managed to explain how people can cycle, balancing on two thin wheels makes no sense. You might just injure yourself.

Urban cycling in the fresh east coast air is also an antidote against non-flying viruses, angry wasp stings, poor self image, folks shouting abuse and penile anxiety. All you have to do is download a simple app and then purchase the correct sports clothing from Mountain Warehouse or Sports Direct and then strike the proper fit person poses and upload the images. Also wear a helmet because you don't want to look dafter than the actual bike. So use the app, order a pizza or kebab and scoff your way on to having the body of a young Greek God working in a fast food kitchen.

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